(no subject)
I don't really know the point of this to be honest. I guess to bitch about everything, what's new.
Last night I got way too drunk, again. It's like some nights, I just completely lose control of myself, my inhibitions, my common sense; ultimately. And every time that happens, I end up talking about her. From the most random person, to one of her best friends.
It's been actually fairly easy to deal with. Until lately, and I honestly don't know why. For the past couple of days everything has reminded me of her, when I see a place, the first thing i think of is what we did while we were there, what we talked about, new things we discovered we had in common (believe me there were so many).
And the tattoo. I get asked about it so much, and at first I could brush it off, tell them the story, no problem. Now every time somebody asks about it, I just cease up, and it feels like I can't breathe. Driving around and I see it, it's like I lose focus of everything, and just start thinking of her.
I know I made some mistakes, but the guilt isn't all on one person. And until she can understand that I guess she'll just keep ignoring me. Yeah, I said some really asshole things. And I've apologized countless times. And it's about 1-1.5 months now. I guess using my words as a scapegoat for that kind of behavior is just expected. Whatever.
I know I can't do anything about it. So I won't. Just keep living, and hope that I'll just go back to the normal "hey, fuck it" attitude i had before haha.
On a positive note, my friends have been pretty awesome lately. I've had fun. I had a choice whether or not to leave May 16th for the navy instead of october. I decided to stay til october. As much as my family will disagree with it, and a few other people.
Last night I got way too drunk, again. It's like some nights, I just completely lose control of myself, my inhibitions, my common sense; ultimately. And every time that happens, I end up talking about her. From the most random person, to one of her best friends.
It's been actually fairly easy to deal with. Until lately, and I honestly don't know why. For the past couple of days everything has reminded me of her, when I see a place, the first thing i think of is what we did while we were there, what we talked about, new things we discovered we had in common (believe me there were so many).
And the tattoo. I get asked about it so much, and at first I could brush it off, tell them the story, no problem. Now every time somebody asks about it, I just cease up, and it feels like I can't breathe. Driving around and I see it, it's like I lose focus of everything, and just start thinking of her.
I know I made some mistakes, but the guilt isn't all on one person. And until she can understand that I guess she'll just keep ignoring me. Yeah, I said some really asshole things. And I've apologized countless times. And it's about 1-1.5 months now. I guess using my words as a scapegoat for that kind of behavior is just expected. Whatever.
I know I can't do anything about it. So I won't. Just keep living, and hope that I'll just go back to the normal "hey, fuck it" attitude i had before haha.
On a positive note, my friends have been pretty awesome lately. I've had fun. I had a choice whether or not to leave May 16th for the navy instead of october. I decided to stay til october. As much as my family will disagree with it, and a few other people.