(no subject)
Can you believe how close college is?? Less than two weeks for me. I move into Goocoocher on the 24th.
And I realized that I am leaving people behind, like my love, Katie (it's a purely platonic affection, so don't insinuate anything perverse). Katie and I sat out under the red-tipped gazebo at lake elkhorn last night, discussing the meaning of love and life till the moon was a white hole punch overhead. And I know, whenever I drive by that gazebo, I will yearn for last night, because it was how a summer night should be spent when you're 17. It dawned on me how much she has changed me this summer. I'll always remember smoking cigs with her at the lake front concert, I'll remember mercilessly ridiculing Kathy Bates with her, affectionately referred to as Kafffy. Haha, and imitating penguins at the mall and the way she rushed to my house when I was grounded and as much as she freed me from the literal stronghold, she also pried me out of malaise. See, she taught me to allow my personality to run rampant regardless of what every other conservative, inhibited prick in the room thinks. We create our own fates. I blast my music at the traffic light, instead of apprehensively swiveling the dial down. I've never been more happy to just be me-- to feel free.
Summer has been hot and all of my disjointed emotions have melted together. I'll be 18 on the 27th and I'm thinking about finally getting my nose pierced. Usher in my new independence with a 'bang' so to speak. This guy was rolling a spliff for Liz, Jess and I, and I was telling them-- "do it" they said. Katie smiled, "it'd look so good." It would be pretty damn awesome. Kind of like, "hey check out the chintzy silvery adornment on my nostril!!!" It's not so much the nostril bit, but the symbology-- the hey, "this is me, I'm free, I'm expressive, and 'if you can't accept that, then fuck you!" (Almost Famous referrence). And all the shit that has happened to me-- all of those mistakes, all of those soul-consuming periods of anger, depression and loneliness-- is not regrettable. I don't regret anything, except maybe not arriving at this realization sooner. As the bad times came, so did the good. So did getting high with people all summer- illuminations of self, fucking hilarious at times, deeply profound and poetic at others. So did learning to love every minute of being young, unfettered and moderately clueless.
The balance, the Tao is to balance everything, be content with the visibly empty cup. The cup is full of air, isn't it? The air that fills your lungs day and night-- gives you the strength to live.
I've been out all summer, what more could I want before I leave?
And I realized that I am leaving people behind, like my love, Katie (it's a purely platonic affection, so don't insinuate anything perverse). Katie and I sat out under the red-tipped gazebo at lake elkhorn last night, discussing the meaning of love and life till the moon was a white hole punch overhead. And I know, whenever I drive by that gazebo, I will yearn for last night, because it was how a summer night should be spent when you're 17. It dawned on me how much she has changed me this summer. I'll always remember smoking cigs with her at the lake front concert, I'll remember mercilessly ridiculing Kathy Bates with her, affectionately referred to as Kafffy. Haha, and imitating penguins at the mall and the way she rushed to my house when I was grounded and as much as she freed me from the literal stronghold, she also pried me out of malaise. See, she taught me to allow my personality to run rampant regardless of what every other conservative, inhibited prick in the room thinks. We create our own fates. I blast my music at the traffic light, instead of apprehensively swiveling the dial down. I've never been more happy to just be me-- to feel free.
Summer has been hot and all of my disjointed emotions have melted together. I'll be 18 on the 27th and I'm thinking about finally getting my nose pierced. Usher in my new independence with a 'bang' so to speak. This guy was rolling a spliff for Liz, Jess and I, and I was telling them-- "do it" they said. Katie smiled, "it'd look so good." It would be pretty damn awesome. Kind of like, "hey check out the chintzy silvery adornment on my nostril!!!" It's not so much the nostril bit, but the symbology-- the hey, "this is me, I'm free, I'm expressive, and 'if you can't accept that, then fuck you!" (Almost Famous referrence). And all the shit that has happened to me-- all of those mistakes, all of those soul-consuming periods of anger, depression and loneliness-- is not regrettable. I don't regret anything, except maybe not arriving at this realization sooner. As the bad times came, so did the good. So did getting high with people all summer- illuminations of self, fucking hilarious at times, deeply profound and poetic at others. So did learning to love every minute of being young, unfettered and moderately clueless.
The balance, the Tao is to balance everything, be content with the visibly empty cup. The cup is full of air, isn't it? The air that fills your lungs day and night-- gives you the strength to live.
I've been out all summer, what more could I want before I leave?