Terrified
Gosh, so much has happened in a month and I don't have time to write about it on here at all. I went on holiday to New York and the Virgin Islands with my family and it was awesome and then I went to Indietracks with my lovely friends and met lots of lovely people off the internet, yes I mean you people, and that was the most fun it is possible to have in a weekend. Then I saw my friends and family in Sheffield and got a new puppy called Alfie who is unbelievably cute. Then I drove my new car up to Edinburgh and moved flats. I will try to write about it all properly soon because it has just been so, so good (apart from the moving flats bit which was physically knackering and hugely stressful, but even that is ace now it is accomplished).
Today I have had job induction which was basically a series of fairly boring yet vaguely terrifying lectures about all the different ways we could accidentally kill people or end up in prison. Tomorrow I start work and I am so scared about it! Considering that I have wanted to do this job and looked forward to starting for about 11 years, I am strangely filled with dread now the hour has finally come. I guess I had always thought I would know a lot more stuff and feel a lot more competent by this point. Hmm. Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday daytime should all hopefully be ok enough because there will be other FY1 doctors about with me and other senior people kicking about too. Apart from three hours tomorrow when all the middle-graders, who will all be on their first day too, go off to get their induction and we are left to fend for ourselves. Then on Friday evening and Saturday daytime and evening I will effectively be the only doctor on the ward. Surely they can't do that! I can't be left to look after a whole ward of sick cardiac patients on my own! I'm clueless! What if somebody arrests and I'm the first person there? I'm worried that my instinctive response might just be to hide in a cupboard and cry. I'm pooing myself about prescribing for the first time tomorrow too. I will have to give people morphine and stuff! Holy crap. I want somebody to hold my hand and guide me through it all, because I feel so sure I'm going to make some awful fatal mistake and kill somebody's granny or something equally horrific. Argh argh argh.
Right, got to go and hand over keys and things and do some more unpacking and meet Soph and stuff. Cross your fingers for me tomorrow and don't get sick anytime soon! :-(
Today I have had job induction which was basically a series of fairly boring yet vaguely terrifying lectures about all the different ways we could accidentally kill people or end up in prison. Tomorrow I start work and I am so scared about it! Considering that I have wanted to do this job and looked forward to starting for about 11 years, I am strangely filled with dread now the hour has finally come. I guess I had always thought I would know a lot more stuff and feel a lot more competent by this point. Hmm. Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday daytime should all hopefully be ok enough because there will be other FY1 doctors about with me and other senior people kicking about too. Apart from three hours tomorrow when all the middle-graders, who will all be on their first day too, go off to get their induction and we are left to fend for ourselves. Then on Friday evening and Saturday daytime and evening I will effectively be the only doctor on the ward. Surely they can't do that! I can't be left to look after a whole ward of sick cardiac patients on my own! I'm clueless! What if somebody arrests and I'm the first person there? I'm worried that my instinctive response might just be to hide in a cupboard and cry. I'm pooing myself about prescribing for the first time tomorrow too. I will have to give people morphine and stuff! Holy crap. I want somebody to hold my hand and guide me through it all, because I feel so sure I'm going to make some awful fatal mistake and kill somebody's granny or something equally horrific. Argh argh argh.
Right, got to go and hand over keys and things and do some more unpacking and meet Soph and stuff. Cross your fingers for me tomorrow and don't get sick anytime soon! :-(