May not come as a surprize..
It wasn't the loss of the most important ring in my life...it was the feeling that Nick didn't think I was capible of remembering where I placed it, and in general, feeling that he didn't think I was capible of remembering, thinking, doing much on my own because of my over apparent memory problems (More than likely steming from hiting my head into walls, or having my head beaten into windows. Thanks Pat)
Knowing that I'm only here on pitty and a feeling of 'love' and feeling compeled to do whatever he says for fear of loosing the only home I have right now only makes things worse plus tThe stress and pain that came from finding that my parents, no longer having control over me, want nothing to do with me and hate me. Carol went as far as not even bothering to tell me she was in the hospital for a mild stroke. Said that if she'd died, that I would have had to read it in a paper or something to find out.
I was diagnosed with Dystemic Mood Disorder, but I haven't had any treatment. If you don't bother looking it up, its basicly mild chronic depression that, in me, started when I was young and became aware of all the stress in my household. I was kept constantly stressed, and was prevented from learning some basic social skills and the like. If untreated, I can only get worse. Apparently, this disorder has one of the highest rates of suicide.
What hurt most though...all the shit people yelled at me for...being immature, cruel, to quick to get upset..all of that...wasn't anything I could have controlled at the time..and all the shit my family and ex put me through only made the symptoms ten times as worse...
Sadly, Nick has become an outlet of my pain and misery. I cooked him dinner, then pulled a knife on him while he was trying to talk to me.
I need some support..I need to know that I have more than just Nick...
Knowing that I'm only here on pitty and a feeling of 'love' and feeling compeled to do whatever he says for fear of loosing the only home I have right now only makes things worse plus tThe stress and pain that came from finding that my parents, no longer having control over me, want nothing to do with me and hate me. Carol went as far as not even bothering to tell me she was in the hospital for a mild stroke. Said that if she'd died, that I would have had to read it in a paper or something to find out.
I was diagnosed with Dystemic Mood Disorder, but I haven't had any treatment. If you don't bother looking it up, its basicly mild chronic depression that, in me, started when I was young and became aware of all the stress in my household. I was kept constantly stressed, and was prevented from learning some basic social skills and the like. If untreated, I can only get worse. Apparently, this disorder has one of the highest rates of suicide.
What hurt most though...all the shit people yelled at me for...being immature, cruel, to quick to get upset..all of that...wasn't anything I could have controlled at the time..and all the shit my family and ex put me through only made the symptoms ten times as worse...
Sadly, Nick has become an outlet of my pain and misery. I cooked him dinner, then pulled a knife on him while he was trying to talk to me.
I need some support..I need to know that I have more than just Nick...