Discovered in a Christmas Card - January 6 2017: Best Present by The Hag
Best Present
by The Hag
(Companion story to Crackers et al)
archiveofourown.org/works/301194
After the blessed holiday respite from bodyguarding the kids it was back to school, and the always loquacious Yasmina was in full cry with her interminable catalogue of new possessions. "And we got two Siamese kittens."
Bodie sighed. "Yes, you mentioned them."
"They climbed all up the Christmas tree and knocked off the ornaments."
"They'll do that."
"What did you get for Christmas, Mr Bodie?" Somebody must have told her a conversation was supposed to go both ways.
"Oh, this and that. Some books, DVDs, booze, clothes, you know."
"What did your cats get for Christmas?"
"Fed and not chucked out in the rain."
"We saw ours on the breeder's webcam. There were five all running round and playing. They had lots of toys too so we could see what they liked best. Did you get Castro and Thing off the web?"
Tariq was momentarily distracted from the beeping and fizzing and explosions in his game. "It's Castor and Pillocks, you dummy."
"You're the dummy. Did you, Mr Bodie?"
"Yeah, sort of. A rescue site."
"So sorry to have missed the funeral, Margaret, but we only found out when we came back from Spain."
"Aye, well, Uncle George wouldn't have worried. Flowers for the living, you know. I'm a bit bothered about the cats, though. We had to send them for adoption, what with Robert's allergies, and I'm sure they'll find good homes, but it's not so easy, two grown cats together. I hate to think of them sitting there penned up."
"I think the kittens are the best present ever. What was your best one, Mr Bodie?"
"New blue pullover. Cats wrecked the one I got last year."
"Yes, but ever in your life? I got a diamond tennis bracelet but I can't wear it to school." She waved a gilt-bangled wrist dangerously across his field of vision. "Look, I got this one in my cracker."
Harrods, of course, exorbitantly overpriced.
"They say diamonds are a girl's best friend."
"Do they? Why? But I like the kittens best. Truly, Mr Bodie, the pullover?"
"Well, it's a very nice pullover."
"Did Mr Doyle give it to you?"
"He chose the wool. His sister knitted it."
"What did Mr Doyle give you that you liked best just for this year?"
"Nosy little madam, aren’t you?"
She giggled. "No, go on."
Fantastic shag Christmas morning.
"Gift certificate for six goes of cleaning up when the cats are sick. Come on, we're here. See you this afternoon." He watched them safely into the care of the school security guard, hoping she was as well paid as he was for protecting the children of privilege.
Best present ever? That mutually exchanged tin ring out of a cheap cracker.
My true-love hath my heart and I have his...
"You and your poetry," Ray had teased. "Sentimental prat."
But then, he took a lot of trouble to be sure the blue wool for the pullover exactly matches my eyes.
[end]
My true-love hath my heart and I have his,
By just exchange one for the other given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;
There never was a bargain better driven.
(Sir Philip Sidney)
Title: Best Present
Author: The Hag
Slash or Gen: Slash
Older Lads
Archive at ProsLib/Circuit: Yes
by The Hag
(Companion story to Crackers et al)
archiveofourown.org/works/301194
After the blessed holiday respite from bodyguarding the kids it was back to school, and the always loquacious Yasmina was in full cry with her interminable catalogue of new possessions. "And we got two Siamese kittens."
Bodie sighed. "Yes, you mentioned them."
"They climbed all up the Christmas tree and knocked off the ornaments."
"They'll do that."
"What did you get for Christmas, Mr Bodie?" Somebody must have told her a conversation was supposed to go both ways.
"Oh, this and that. Some books, DVDs, booze, clothes, you know."
"What did your cats get for Christmas?"
"Fed and not chucked out in the rain."
"We saw ours on the breeder's webcam. There were five all running round and playing. They had lots of toys too so we could see what they liked best. Did you get Castro and Thing off the web?"
Tariq was momentarily distracted from the beeping and fizzing and explosions in his game. "It's Castor and Pillocks, you dummy."
"You're the dummy. Did you, Mr Bodie?"
"Yeah, sort of. A rescue site."
"So sorry to have missed the funeral, Margaret, but we only found out when we came back from Spain."
"Aye, well, Uncle George wouldn't have worried. Flowers for the living, you know. I'm a bit bothered about the cats, though. We had to send them for adoption, what with Robert's allergies, and I'm sure they'll find good homes, but it's not so easy, two grown cats together. I hate to think of them sitting there penned up."
"I think the kittens are the best present ever. What was your best one, Mr Bodie?"
"New blue pullover. Cats wrecked the one I got last year."
"Yes, but ever in your life? I got a diamond tennis bracelet but I can't wear it to school." She waved a gilt-bangled wrist dangerously across his field of vision. "Look, I got this one in my cracker."
Harrods, of course, exorbitantly overpriced.
"They say diamonds are a girl's best friend."
"Do they? Why? But I like the kittens best. Truly, Mr Bodie, the pullover?"
"Well, it's a very nice pullover."
"Did Mr Doyle give it to you?"
"He chose the wool. His sister knitted it."
"What did Mr Doyle give you that you liked best just for this year?"
"Nosy little madam, aren’t you?"
She giggled. "No, go on."
Fantastic shag Christmas morning.
"Gift certificate for six goes of cleaning up when the cats are sick. Come on, we're here. See you this afternoon." He watched them safely into the care of the school security guard, hoping she was as well paid as he was for protecting the children of privilege.
Best present ever? That mutually exchanged tin ring out of a cheap cracker.
My true-love hath my heart and I have his...
"You and your poetry," Ray had teased. "Sentimental prat."
But then, he took a lot of trouble to be sure the blue wool for the pullover exactly matches my eyes.
[end]
My true-love hath my heart and I have his,
By just exchange one for the other given:
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss;
There never was a bargain better driven.
(Sir Philip Sidney)
Title: Best Present
Author: The Hag
Slash or Gen: Slash
Older Lads
Archive at ProsLib/Circuit: Yes