Bad breast.
Splitting. I became the bad breast. Although I know some of the psychology, it's not helping me get to a better place about this.
I think I need to renew my sessions with my shrink. Abandonment is my biggest button, and it feels like it's being pounded on. Everyone has given great advice: It's not about me, it's about her; what kind of friendship was it if she can turn her back on it so easily; she has a history of doing this and it was inevitably going to happen with me. All true, I'm sure. But I still can't get to sleep. I keep thinking of ways to sneak in and renew communication. I know they won't work. I guess it's the denial phase. Thanks for your support. It does help to know that I'm not a bad friend in general. All the good times with her, all the fun things we did together, keep running through my mind. And all the times I listened to her talk about her problems, which generally, now I think of it, involved not being able to connect well with other people in her life. Giving too much and then pulling away.
I wish I could cut to the acceptance phase.
This really, really feels like getting dumped by a boyfriend. In some ways it's worse because I view friendship as a more fluid and flexible relationship and for that reason always hoped she would come back into my life despite her long absence, unlike a boyfriend, whom you know is gone and is never coming back.
I think I need to renew my sessions with my shrink. Abandonment is my biggest button, and it feels like it's being pounded on. Everyone has given great advice: It's not about me, it's about her; what kind of friendship was it if she can turn her back on it so easily; she has a history of doing this and it was inevitably going to happen with me. All true, I'm sure. But I still can't get to sleep. I keep thinking of ways to sneak in and renew communication. I know they won't work. I guess it's the denial phase. Thanks for your support. It does help to know that I'm not a bad friend in general. All the good times with her, all the fun things we did together, keep running through my mind. And all the times I listened to her talk about her problems, which generally, now I think of it, involved not being able to connect well with other people in her life. Giving too much and then pulling away.
I wish I could cut to the acceptance phase.
This really, really feels like getting dumped by a boyfriend. In some ways it's worse because I view friendship as a more fluid and flexible relationship and for that reason always hoped she would come back into my life despite her long absence, unlike a boyfriend, whom you know is gone and is never coming back.