I have known people that have cut others out of their life for whatever reason. They had strict personal standards and didn't wish to have people in their lives that were at odds with that. Personally, it's hard for me to just cut someone out of my life without extreme circumstances. You'd have to do something pretty unforgivable for me not to give you a second chance. But I believe people can change and I believe in second chances.
I remember your experiences that you told me about. I guess maybe it's one of those "there are two kinds of people" questions. I imagine it's comforting in some way to be a cutter-off, to know you're right and safe from being hurt and not have to engage in those messy, awkward, emotional conversations, but I can't imagine it's ultimately a richer life than one has in forgiving.
I'm friendly, or at least, on speaking terms with all of my ex lovers. Except for M. He is a person with a pattern of cutting other people out of his life, for reasons only justifiable to himself. It hurts me deeply, and I don't understand why he never wants to speak to me again, but on some level, it's important to really accept that as someone else's process and limitation.
You didn't do anything all that bad, really. Nothing you did cannot be forgiven, unless of course, that person has no intention of forgiving. I'm not gonna tell you to just drop this, because obviously actions such as hers have an emotional response to them, and that's real. But you cannot fret about what you cannot change. And for better or worse, none of us can change another person.
Thanks for the solid advice about handling the pain. You're absolutely right that acceptance is necessary and that changing someone is impossible. I expect I'll move through the stages of grief in some order and emerge stronger and wiser at some point. It just hurts right now.
and honestly...tristan_craneJune 2 2009, 03:26:15 UTC
I know you are mourning the loss of this friendship, but someone who would cut you loose like this? That isn't really a friend.. or at least, perhaps not the kind of friend you need to cultivate. If this is her pattern going through life, well.. I hope it works out better for her than it would for me. There isn't a good person in my life where I have not had some kind of weirdness, awkwardness, or difficulty around. Working through tougher times is what brought us closer together, some people can't handle that.
I guess I do require a little more latitude and a little more forgiveness in friends, both of which I think I offer, too. I think life must be richer and more populated with more willingness to talk things out.
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I'm friendly, or at least, on speaking terms with all of my ex lovers. Except for M. He is a person with a pattern of cutting other people out of his life, for reasons only justifiable to himself. It hurts me deeply, and I don't understand why he never wants to speak to me again, but on some level, it's important to really accept that as someone else's process and limitation.
You didn't do anything all that bad, really. Nothing you did cannot be forgiven, unless of course, that person has no intention of forgiving. I'm not gonna tell you to just drop this, because obviously actions such as hers have an emotional response to them, and that's real. But you cannot fret about what you cannot change. And for better or worse, none of us can change another person.
You aren't a bad friend. There, I said it. ; )
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And thanks very much for the reassurance. :)
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