Family.
Dad's surgery is tomorrow morning. I emailed frequently with his wife today, which both helped and didn't help the anxiety. Someone left a pretty tin of delicious peppermint bark which I found irresistible despite the fact that chocolate makes me very anxious and I knew it was a bad idea, which it was.
My teenage sister finally called me back so I could tell her about Dad, and I kind of wish she hadn't, because she's in the midst of a big horrible teen angst depression about boys and feeling very fucked up, and frankly maybe it would have been better to wait and tell her after the surgery, although really I feel that we deserve the chance to wish him luck and tell him we love him before he goes under, just in case. I gave her good advice (1. You're not fucked up and making mistakes, you're experimenting and having experiences, which is the only way you can learn to have good relationships. 2. Take a break from boys till you're feeling better. There's no rush. 3. Focus more on positive relationships with friends and family and get more of the intimacy you need from them right now. 4. More frequent shrink sessions.)
Then I sent her a care package of trashy vampire novels (she'd never read/watched Sookie Stackhouse) and Cassie Claire's City of Glass.
I'm trying to figure out what to send Dad. I'm thinking jelly beans, which he consumes in mass quantities when attempting not to smoke; burns of some music I think he'd like, and some Trivial Pursuit question expander packs, since he likes just going through them.
I also went ahead and wrote and sent the Easter card I bought for him last week. I don't usually send Easter cards, and it's two weeks early, but I was in the store and the Easter displays suddenly reminded me of the treasure hunts he'd set up for me as a kid. He'd write rhyming clues, and each clue would lead me to the next and finally to the prize. Once on Easter it was a chocolate bunny hidden in the clothes dryer. Another time it was a jewelry set made of a locket pin shaped like a strawberry with two ladybug earrings in it. I loved it. It was hidden in his record collection, and he'd prepped me by making sure I knew what records were made out of, but I forgot and couldn't figure out the clue and he had to give me a hint.
So in the card I wrote about those memories and how he took me out to a field to show me the stars, and to the campground pumphouse where a flying squirrel lived, and to Rocky Hollow where people had carved into the cliff walls a hundred years ago (escaped convicts or some such, I can't recall) and thanked him for introducing me to the world as a wondrous place (with occasional hidden prizes!) and setting me on the path has kept me growing and learning for my whole life so far.
Because one of his greatest fears is that he was a terrible father, and although it's true that he was, it's also true that he was a wonderful one, and he deserves to know that. If I can give him anything, it's that.
My teenage sister finally called me back so I could tell her about Dad, and I kind of wish she hadn't, because she's in the midst of a big horrible teen angst depression about boys and feeling very fucked up, and frankly maybe it would have been better to wait and tell her after the surgery, although really I feel that we deserve the chance to wish him luck and tell him we love him before he goes under, just in case. I gave her good advice (1. You're not fucked up and making mistakes, you're experimenting and having experiences, which is the only way you can learn to have good relationships. 2. Take a break from boys till you're feeling better. There's no rush. 3. Focus more on positive relationships with friends and family and get more of the intimacy you need from them right now. 4. More frequent shrink sessions.)
Then I sent her a care package of trashy vampire novels (she'd never read/watched Sookie Stackhouse) and Cassie Claire's City of Glass.
I'm trying to figure out what to send Dad. I'm thinking jelly beans, which he consumes in mass quantities when attempting not to smoke; burns of some music I think he'd like, and some Trivial Pursuit question expander packs, since he likes just going through them.
I also went ahead and wrote and sent the Easter card I bought for him last week. I don't usually send Easter cards, and it's two weeks early, but I was in the store and the Easter displays suddenly reminded me of the treasure hunts he'd set up for me as a kid. He'd write rhyming clues, and each clue would lead me to the next and finally to the prize. Once on Easter it was a chocolate bunny hidden in the clothes dryer. Another time it was a jewelry set made of a locket pin shaped like a strawberry with two ladybug earrings in it. I loved it. It was hidden in his record collection, and he'd prepped me by making sure I knew what records were made out of, but I forgot and couldn't figure out the clue and he had to give me a hint.
So in the card I wrote about those memories and how he took me out to a field to show me the stars, and to the campground pumphouse where a flying squirrel lived, and to Rocky Hollow where people had carved into the cliff walls a hundred years ago (escaped convicts or some such, I can't recall) and thanked him for introducing me to the world as a wondrous place (with occasional hidden prizes!) and setting me on the path has kept me growing and learning for my whole life so far.
Because one of his greatest fears is that he was a terrible father, and although it's true that he was, it's also true that he was a wonderful one, and he deserves to know that. If I can give him anything, it's that.