The Sage Wisdom of Our Elders
Dear Learned Adults, People Who May One Day Become Learned Adults, and Anyone Else Who Ever Gives Anyone Advice, At All (Including My Future Self),
I have some things for you to keep in mind while you dish out your hard learned wisdom, which, with all sincerity, I do respect.
1. Life lessons are learned by living. Not by being told about them. That's kinda what makes them life lessons. I don't think you can pass them on by taking thirty seconds to say a condescending truism.
2. The human race is made up of individuals. Maybe there are universal truths that apply to all of us, but "When you're my age, you'll understand that " probably doesn't preface any of them. When I'm your age, I may well understand the exact opposite. Or at least something wildly different.
3. Do not assume that just because someone is younger than you they have not already experienced, thought about, researched, or otherwise delved into the concept behind your cute little proverb.
For example, please don't tell me about how people who were outcasts and nerds in school do better in life than the popular kids. Can I share my thoughts about that particular one? Well, I'm going to.
a) I've heard about that research, it's pretty cool! I have heard about this because I am capable of finding things out and it is relevant to my life! Why do you sound like you're sharing the deepest truest secrets of the universe and I should be totally honored and moved that you decided to share them?
b) I'm not in school, and I haven't told you anything about my schooling. How discouraging would this be for me to hear if, against all odds, I had been popular?
c) Actually, even as a geek, I personally don't find your version of this idea encouraging, I find it depressing to think that everyone's paths are set in stone like that. Can the rest of my life not be defined by my public school experiences?
d) Some of the "popular kids" were plenty nice to me and I don't actually get any schadenfreude by picturing them miserably reminiscing over their glory days because it's all been downhill for them. Can you not assume who and what I'm bitter about after knowing me for like five minutes?
e) Fortunately, I don't believe that our paths actually are set in stone, so your basic premise makes me want to draw a more complex picture, and
f) it makes me tired when you won't let me do that because you assume I have nothing to contribute to the "discussion" which is actually you smugly satisfying your desire to improve the life of a lost young person.
g) This particular nerd has a very small amount of world experience at this point and honestly being a nerd doesn't seem to be helping her be a competent human being. Maybe there's more to it than what role you played in high school?
h) People don't always get their just desserts, you know -- sometimes it gets better and other times it doesn't. Sucks to admit out loud, but I've figured that out and I expect you have too. Can we not pretend otherwise?
i) As relating to h), how many of those outcasts kill themselves before they get their happily ever after?
j) This whole idea can easily become an excuse for ignoring the misery of kids who are outcasts right now. The future isn't a cure for the present, and it doesn't make the present magically okay.
k) Even the popular kids who bullied me I'd actually much prefer to envision maturing and becoming decent, productive, fulfilled, happy members of society. Even if it's not likely, it's a happier image, and since what you seem to be trying to do is paint a beautifully happy image of my future, this one would be nicer.
l) Generally, please fuck off and stop condescending to me.
4. Did I ask? (If yes, then this rant is not actually directed at you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.) It's considered good manners to not give advice unless you're asked. When you get to be my age you'll discover that you can give the best advice in the world and it won't be helpful if you weren't asked.
I have some things for you to keep in mind while you dish out your hard learned wisdom, which, with all sincerity, I do respect.
1. Life lessons are learned by living. Not by being told about them. That's kinda what makes them life lessons. I don't think you can pass them on by taking thirty seconds to say a condescending truism.
2. The human race is made up of individuals. Maybe there are universal truths that apply to all of us, but "When you're my age, you'll understand that " probably doesn't preface any of them. When I'm your age, I may well understand the exact opposite. Or at least something wildly different.
3. Do not assume that just because someone is younger than you they have not already experienced, thought about, researched, or otherwise delved into the concept behind your cute little proverb.
For example, please don't tell me about how people who were outcasts and nerds in school do better in life than the popular kids. Can I share my thoughts about that particular one? Well, I'm going to.
a) I've heard about that research, it's pretty cool! I have heard about this because I am capable of finding things out and it is relevant to my life! Why do you sound like you're sharing the deepest truest secrets of the universe and I should be totally honored and moved that you decided to share them?
b) I'm not in school, and I haven't told you anything about my schooling. How discouraging would this be for me to hear if, against all odds, I had been popular?
c) Actually, even as a geek, I personally don't find your version of this idea encouraging, I find it depressing to think that everyone's paths are set in stone like that. Can the rest of my life not be defined by my public school experiences?
d) Some of the "popular kids" were plenty nice to me and I don't actually get any schadenfreude by picturing them miserably reminiscing over their glory days because it's all been downhill for them. Can you not assume who and what I'm bitter about after knowing me for like five minutes?
e) Fortunately, I don't believe that our paths actually are set in stone, so your basic premise makes me want to draw a more complex picture, and
f) it makes me tired when you won't let me do that because you assume I have nothing to contribute to the "discussion" which is actually you smugly satisfying your desire to improve the life of a lost young person.
g) This particular nerd has a very small amount of world experience at this point and honestly being a nerd doesn't seem to be helping her be a competent human being. Maybe there's more to it than what role you played in high school?
h) People don't always get their just desserts, you know -- sometimes it gets better and other times it doesn't. Sucks to admit out loud, but I've figured that out and I expect you have too. Can we not pretend otherwise?
i) As relating to h), how many of those outcasts kill themselves before they get their happily ever after?
j) This whole idea can easily become an excuse for ignoring the misery of kids who are outcasts right now. The future isn't a cure for the present, and it doesn't make the present magically okay.
k) Even the popular kids who bullied me I'd actually much prefer to envision maturing and becoming decent, productive, fulfilled, happy members of society. Even if it's not likely, it's a happier image, and since what you seem to be trying to do is paint a beautifully happy image of my future, this one would be nicer.
l) Generally, please fuck off and stop condescending to me.
4. Did I ask? (If yes, then this rant is not actually directed at you, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.) It's considered good manners to not give advice unless you're asked. When you get to be my age you'll discover that you can give the best advice in the world and it won't be helpful if you weren't asked.