I just want to understand
devin spent the night last night. we woke up around 9 and went into work. got off around 4 then dropped devin off and picked up jess. saw her parents in the yard. i dont think they noticed me. we went mini golfing at pleasant valley and jess kicked my ass. we went to dominic's and got some chicken fingers. then i took her back to my place where we kinda sorta started watching american pie and then her sister texted her and she had to go home. There firetrucks and police down her street. i have no idea what happened.
I called tim and he said he's not going to gettysburg this weekend. I took off hours at work for nothing. tom will be pissed.
I realized today that i miss a lot of people. i think the weather we've been having has just been bringing back memories. I miss people from the lounge from years ago including the old times at the lounge as well. I miss my old friends. I miss gianna. kristie. amanda. even nick. the groups of friends i had. some of the girls that were in my life. i miss jess. i feel like i fall apart without her. is that bad? that i feel that? this early? so many people have walked out of my life. why do things like that happen? i wish i had more answers. i wish people would want to walk back into my life.
I think i'm getting pushed out of the inner circle of me,bscott, and tim. tim and bscott hang out more with each other than they do with me. i dont really have much to say to them anymore. to anyone really. i dont know who i can talk to about my feelings anymore. i feel alone.
I think i also know why i havent had a relationship in so long. because i think too much. when everything is ok i always think theres something wrong. or maybe i'm right to think there's something going on? i live in my head. mary told me that. i think about the past. about how i've been hurt. mary said what she's done to me before is always going to be in the back of my head. brittany says if i live in the past its only going to break me. i think she's right. i'm a broken person. i need to find a solution. its not drinking or drugs. i need to find inner strength.
"These thoughts run through my head"
"Over and over"
"I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands"
"remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight"
I called tim and he said he's not going to gettysburg this weekend. I took off hours at work for nothing. tom will be pissed.
I realized today that i miss a lot of people. i think the weather we've been having has just been bringing back memories. I miss people from the lounge from years ago including the old times at the lounge as well. I miss my old friends. I miss gianna. kristie. amanda. even nick. the groups of friends i had. some of the girls that were in my life. i miss jess. i feel like i fall apart without her. is that bad? that i feel that? this early? so many people have walked out of my life. why do things like that happen? i wish i had more answers. i wish people would want to walk back into my life.
I think i'm getting pushed out of the inner circle of me,bscott, and tim. tim and bscott hang out more with each other than they do with me. i dont really have much to say to them anymore. to anyone really. i dont know who i can talk to about my feelings anymore. i feel alone.
I think i also know why i havent had a relationship in so long. because i think too much. when everything is ok i always think theres something wrong. or maybe i'm right to think there's something going on? i live in my head. mary told me that. i think about the past. about how i've been hurt. mary said what she's done to me before is always going to be in the back of my head. brittany says if i live in the past its only going to break me. i think she's right. i'm a broken person. i need to find a solution. its not drinking or drugs. i need to find inner strength.
"These thoughts run through my head"
"Over and over"
"I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands"
"remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight"