Light again
Alas, I've finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm out of the depths of despair, hopelessness, and depression. I don't know what I would do without encouragement of friends around me online, on phone, email, and in person to pull me out of this deep dark hole.
For the past few weeks, I was so sad and down feeling like a big time failure. I felt so inadequate and incompetent in my enviro landscape design classes. I always liked what my classmates were doing with their projects and never seemed to like my own project progress. Not only that, I was engulfed by my own critiscism, negativity, and lack of self-confidence. I couldn't complete my assignments and essay on time and had to ask for extended time to finish the work.
Discouragement and overwhelming stress level literally brought me to rock bottom mentally and physically. My harmful stress level affected my mental state as well as my health. In a period of one week, I suffered from numerous nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, and stomach ailments. I experienced the lowest of the low feeling and really did not want to put up with any more of this kind of mental struggle. In short, I wanted to end my misery.
From these few weeks of mental and physical anguish, I learned that I could not work everything on my own strength. I need to pray continuously for strenghth and calmness from the Lord. I realize that I can't live my life by continously comparing with others' lives. Thus, I would never be satified with my ability and performance. Ultimately, I need to love myself more so I can have more confidence in my everyday life.
I need to believe in myself again and stop comparing myself with others. Finally, I just need to give everything I have got and not seek after perfectionism.
May the Lord help me do just that!
For the past few weeks, I was so sad and down feeling like a big time failure. I felt so inadequate and incompetent in my enviro landscape design classes. I always liked what my classmates were doing with their projects and never seemed to like my own project progress. Not only that, I was engulfed by my own critiscism, negativity, and lack of self-confidence. I couldn't complete my assignments and essay on time and had to ask for extended time to finish the work.
Discouragement and overwhelming stress level literally brought me to rock bottom mentally and physically. My harmful stress level affected my mental state as well as my health. In a period of one week, I suffered from numerous nervous breakdowns, panic attacks, and stomach ailments. I experienced the lowest of the low feeling and really did not want to put up with any more of this kind of mental struggle. In short, I wanted to end my misery.
From these few weeks of mental and physical anguish, I learned that I could not work everything on my own strength. I need to pray continuously for strenghth and calmness from the Lord. I realize that I can't live my life by continously comparing with others' lives. Thus, I would never be satified with my ability and performance. Ultimately, I need to love myself more so I can have more confidence in my everyday life.
I need to believe in myself again and stop comparing myself with others. Finally, I just need to give everything I have got and not seek after perfectionism.
May the Lord help me do just that!