{ we are stars
Title: we are stars
Author: chaeii
Pairing: homin (Yunho/Changmin)
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1200
Summary: Yunho doesn't believe in forever; Changmin tumbles into his life unknowingly
A/N: Written for a irl friend of mine (Val~). Inspired by this fanvid and The Pierces's We are Stars. Later re-inspired by David Cook's The Last Goodbye which greatly affected the last few paragraphs. Angsty.
{ we are stars
David Cook; The Last Goodbye
We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away
Yunho has been hurt before.
More specifically, Yunho has been hurt many times.
It’s not anything serious, but it never really is. It’s the accumulation of small things, of forgotten dinners and blown out candles, of an empty house and being alone on a crowded street. It’s late nights without someone that should be there and early mornings with someone who shouldn’t.
Even hills start off as a mound of dirt, similarly, Yunho’s nature started off with a distant memory (a “see you later” that never was), to what is it today.
He is spontaneous and outgoing, but keeps his heart close to himself. He loves and loves and loves but makes sure that he never gets hurt. He doesn’t do commitment and thinks himself free as the wind.
-
Changmin tumbles into his life unknowingly.
-
Changmin was supposed to be just another model, a subject of fleeting beauty. He is an up-coming model, all long limbs and bright smiles. Yet there is something about his eyes that captures Yunho, a sort of acute sadness in them that reveals itself despite his upturned lips.
He doesn’t introduce himself to Changmin. They smile at each other on set, even wave, but all they are is working partners, temporary working partners. The photo shoot finishes three days later. Yunho returns to Seoul and Changmin flies off to another exotic location.
Changmin’s eyes haunt Yunho. An echo, a ghost of consciousness.
-
Stardust.
-
They meet again three months later. Changmin is lankier than Yunho remembers, and Yunho thinks his smiles seem smaller, lips no longer stretching across his face.
“Hey, do you remember me?”
“Of course, you’re that cute photographer from a while back.”
“Oh.”
-
They fall into a routine quickly, bitter coffee and quick laughter.
Yunho learns a lot about Changmin in the following five days. Changmin is sarcastic, borderline mean and sometimes rude. He eats a lot but doesn’t gain weight. He doesn’t have a favourite food because he genuinely likes everything. He dreamt of being a singer once, but gave up (he doesn’t explain why).
Yunho also learns that he is very attracted to Changmin.
(They went out for a movie once, the third night they are in Paris. The night sky was already starting to give way to dawn and they should be asleep. They are the only people in the cinema hall, and halfway through the movie, Changmin falls asleep on Yunho’s shoulder. Yunho falls asleep soon too, head leaning on Changmin’s head. The security wakes them up after the movie ends, a fond smile on his face.)
They fly back to Seoul together five days later, both falling asleep on the plane. Changmin has a hand in Yunho’s lap, body curling inwards towards him, while Yunho has an arm slung across him. Yunho wakes up once when they were in this position, and there’s something racing, soaring even, in his heart.
He goes back to sleep, arm pulling Changmin as close as the armrest between them allows.
-
There isn’t really a start to them dating. It moved from brushing hands to holding hands to linking hands to hands griping shoulders and so on. They fall together almost seamlessly, bodies leaning into each other. Yunho thinks that he might like this, like the way Changmin’s eyes seem to lose some of that sadness they hold when he looks at Yunho.
Sometimes, he thinks he hears Changmin talk about forever, in between lines of I think I love you and you are not going to have any hair when you are old, but Yunho ignores them. And maybe he clutches on to Changmin’s hand a little tighter, but that doesn’t mean that he wishes this to be forever.
(Why wish for something that doesn’t exist)
-
Maybe because they didn’t have a start, there wasn’t really an end either.
-
Changmin tells Yunho he loves him four months into their relationship. Yunho does not reciprocate.
(There is a memory attached to this.)
They are on a Ferris wheel; it’s one of those typical couple things they like to do. It is the last rotation before the Ferris wheel closes for the day, and their cabin is empty safe for them. Yunho has Changmin pressed against one corner of the cabin, kissing him as the night sky twinkles around them. Changmin’s eyes are closed, one hand griping Yunho’s hair, the other one clutching his shoulder. It’s silent so high up, and all Yunho hears his Changmin’s shallow breaths and the sound of his own mouth on Changmin’s neck.
“I love you,” he suddenly hears. Yunho feels himself falter, mouth stopping against Changmin’s Adam’s apple. There seems to be a roaring in his ears, and all he can make out is his own heartbeat, thumping, thumping and thumping.
And suddenly there are insistent hands clawing at his back and a familiar whine. He snaps back immediately, and captures Changmin’s mouth in his.
-
Changmin tells Yunho he loves him again a few more times, but Yunho never says it back. But Yunho definitely sees the brightness diminishing in Changmin’s smiles and the way his hand slips away from his.
-
They have an argument, a huge argument that almost results in physical injuries. Yunho doesn’t remember what the argument about. He only remembers the way Changmin’s hand had wrapped around a glass bottle, knuckles pressed white and Yunho thinks the glass might just shatter in Changmin’s hands.
It doesn’t matter if the glass bottle did not shatter, what matters is that there are now cracks in their relationship, big gaping holes that resemble black holes, threatening to suck in stardust.
-
They fade away, just like how stars go from red giants to white dwarfs and then black dwarfs, losing all their heat and light.
Changmin stops coming over often, till it’s just one stay every fortnight, filled with takeout and whatever movie is on television. They sleep on the same bed, but their hands barely brush each other. He finally stops coming all along.
-
There was once though, one moment in their limbo between together or not that had given off a spark of hope. Changmin had whispered I love you to Yunho during a movie, mouth warm against the latter’s ear. Yunho had turned to look at Changmin, had seen the silent plead in his eyes.
He still doesn’t reciprocate.
-
Yunho knows Changmin is happy now. He sees it in magazines, pictures of Changmin - alone - but with a bright smile (and an equally bright ring). There is genuine happiness in his eyes, and it seems as if someone has managed to chase the sadness they once held. The same sadness that had drawn Yunho towards Changmin and the same one he never managed to completely chase away.
Sometimes, but just sometimes, Yunho wishes he had been strong enough (or not as damaged). Wishes, hopes, and covets that even if he would never believe in forever, that he could have tried for one lifetime with Changmin.
I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time
*
Okay I don't really know what was this. The fic threatened to go to so many different directions but listening to D Cook's new song really help put it in alignment. I don't think I have their personalities down yet, and there are probably three million loopholes but I am quite happy with this?
As always, I am looking to make friends ^^
Author: chaeii
Pairing: homin (Yunho/Changmin)
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~1200
Summary: Yunho doesn't believe in forever; Changmin tumbles into his life unknowingly
A/N: Written for a irl friend of mine (Val~). Inspired by this fanvid and The Pierces's We are Stars. Later re-inspired by David Cook's The Last Goodbye which greatly affected the last few paragraphs. Angsty.
{ we are stars
David Cook; The Last Goodbye
We were almost beautiful
A broken piece of art put on display
But we were never possible
Another perfect moment thrown away
Yunho has been hurt before.
More specifically, Yunho has been hurt many times.
It’s not anything serious, but it never really is. It’s the accumulation of small things, of forgotten dinners and blown out candles, of an empty house and being alone on a crowded street. It’s late nights without someone that should be there and early mornings with someone who shouldn’t.
Even hills start off as a mound of dirt, similarly, Yunho’s nature started off with a distant memory (a “see you later” that never was), to what is it today.
He is spontaneous and outgoing, but keeps his heart close to himself. He loves and loves and loves but makes sure that he never gets hurt. He doesn’t do commitment and thinks himself free as the wind.
-
Changmin tumbles into his life unknowingly.
-
Changmin was supposed to be just another model, a subject of fleeting beauty. He is an up-coming model, all long limbs and bright smiles. Yet there is something about his eyes that captures Yunho, a sort of acute sadness in them that reveals itself despite his upturned lips.
He doesn’t introduce himself to Changmin. They smile at each other on set, even wave, but all they are is working partners, temporary working partners. The photo shoot finishes three days later. Yunho returns to Seoul and Changmin flies off to another exotic location.
Changmin’s eyes haunt Yunho. An echo, a ghost of consciousness.
-
Stardust.
-
They meet again three months later. Changmin is lankier than Yunho remembers, and Yunho thinks his smiles seem smaller, lips no longer stretching across his face.
“Hey, do you remember me?”
“Of course, you’re that cute photographer from a while back.”
“Oh.”
-
They fall into a routine quickly, bitter coffee and quick laughter.
Yunho learns a lot about Changmin in the following five days. Changmin is sarcastic, borderline mean and sometimes rude. He eats a lot but doesn’t gain weight. He doesn’t have a favourite food because he genuinely likes everything. He dreamt of being a singer once, but gave up (he doesn’t explain why).
Yunho also learns that he is very attracted to Changmin.
(They went out for a movie once, the third night they are in Paris. The night sky was already starting to give way to dawn and they should be asleep. They are the only people in the cinema hall, and halfway through the movie, Changmin falls asleep on Yunho’s shoulder. Yunho falls asleep soon too, head leaning on Changmin’s head. The security wakes them up after the movie ends, a fond smile on his face.)
They fly back to Seoul together five days later, both falling asleep on the plane. Changmin has a hand in Yunho’s lap, body curling inwards towards him, while Yunho has an arm slung across him. Yunho wakes up once when they were in this position, and there’s something racing, soaring even, in his heart.
He goes back to sleep, arm pulling Changmin as close as the armrest between them allows.
-
There isn’t really a start to them dating. It moved from brushing hands to holding hands to linking hands to hands griping shoulders and so on. They fall together almost seamlessly, bodies leaning into each other. Yunho thinks that he might like this, like the way Changmin’s eyes seem to lose some of that sadness they hold when he looks at Yunho.
Sometimes, he thinks he hears Changmin talk about forever, in between lines of I think I love you and you are not going to have any hair when you are old, but Yunho ignores them. And maybe he clutches on to Changmin’s hand a little tighter, but that doesn’t mean that he wishes this to be forever.
(Why wish for something that doesn’t exist)
-
Maybe because they didn’t have a start, there wasn’t really an end either.
-
Changmin tells Yunho he loves him four months into their relationship. Yunho does not reciprocate.
(There is a memory attached to this.)
They are on a Ferris wheel; it’s one of those typical couple things they like to do. It is the last rotation before the Ferris wheel closes for the day, and their cabin is empty safe for them. Yunho has Changmin pressed against one corner of the cabin, kissing him as the night sky twinkles around them. Changmin’s eyes are closed, one hand griping Yunho’s hair, the other one clutching his shoulder. It’s silent so high up, and all Yunho hears his Changmin’s shallow breaths and the sound of his own mouth on Changmin’s neck.
“I love you,” he suddenly hears. Yunho feels himself falter, mouth stopping against Changmin’s Adam’s apple. There seems to be a roaring in his ears, and all he can make out is his own heartbeat, thumping, thumping and thumping.
And suddenly there are insistent hands clawing at his back and a familiar whine. He snaps back immediately, and captures Changmin’s mouth in his.
-
Changmin tells Yunho he loves him again a few more times, but Yunho never says it back. But Yunho definitely sees the brightness diminishing in Changmin’s smiles and the way his hand slips away from his.
-
They have an argument, a huge argument that almost results in physical injuries. Yunho doesn’t remember what the argument about. He only remembers the way Changmin’s hand had wrapped around a glass bottle, knuckles pressed white and Yunho thinks the glass might just shatter in Changmin’s hands.
It doesn’t matter if the glass bottle did not shatter, what matters is that there are now cracks in their relationship, big gaping holes that resemble black holes, threatening to suck in stardust.
-
They fade away, just like how stars go from red giants to white dwarfs and then black dwarfs, losing all their heat and light.
Changmin stops coming over often, till it’s just one stay every fortnight, filled with takeout and whatever movie is on television. They sleep on the same bed, but their hands barely brush each other. He finally stops coming all along.
-
There was once though, one moment in their limbo between together or not that had given off a spark of hope. Changmin had whispered I love you to Yunho during a movie, mouth warm against the latter’s ear. Yunho had turned to look at Changmin, had seen the silent plead in his eyes.
He still doesn’t reciprocate.
-
Yunho knows Changmin is happy now. He sees it in magazines, pictures of Changmin - alone - but with a bright smile (and an equally bright ring). There is genuine happiness in his eyes, and it seems as if someone has managed to chase the sadness they once held. The same sadness that had drawn Yunho towards Changmin and the same one he never managed to completely chase away.
Sometimes, but just sometimes, Yunho wishes he had been strong enough (or not as damaged). Wishes, hopes, and covets that even if he would never believe in forever, that he could have tried for one lifetime with Changmin.
I know somebody out there will love you
They'll be the forever we never were
Cause we were everything that's right at the wrong time
*
Okay I don't really know what was this. The fic threatened to go to so many different directions but listening to D Cook's new song really help put it in alignment. I don't think I have their personalities down yet, and there are probably three million loopholes but I am quite happy with this?
As always, I am looking to make friends ^^