smtown feels #1
three drabbles due to I AM/smtown feels. there was going to be more but maybe next time. i am pretty sure they are all highly inaccurate but the movie just left me thinking so...
i guess you could call it the i am-verse lol.
second chances; sungmin-centric
Lee Sungmin believes in second chances.
Second chances are the only reason he is allowed on stage now, that despite being rejected once before, casted away, he is still able to have a spotlight on him (albeit one shared with many others). Second chances are why people know his name, why he is followed by chants of Sungmin Sungmin Sungmin wherever he goes. Second chances have given him the opportunity to love and be loved by so many others.
Sungmin does not believe in second chances, because Sungmin only exists because Super Junior does. Lee Sungmin is a different entity, one that has felt rejection and lived through it. Sungmin is on his first chance, and Sungmin only has one opportunity to make it work. This is why Sungmin tries his best to reach perfection, because he cannot accept the notion of rejection or failure.
What Sungmin doesn’t realize is that Lee Sungmin is why he is so afraid of failing, that the only reason why his heart goes into the worst kind of overdrive when people doubt him is because Lee Sungmin is him, and Lee Sungmin has been thrown aside once, that he has almost gave it all up once.
What Sungmin doesn’t realize is that Lee Sungmin and Sungmin are one, and no matter how hard he tries to separate them, Lee Sungmin’s one rejection will always affect the way Sungmin is.
hero worship; kangta/minho
It’s tiring to be Chilhyun sometimes, and incredibly difficult, because Chilhyun doesn’t remember who he is anymore. He doesn’t think anyone does.
Kangta, that’s what they call him, or sunbae. After so many years, it seems like Chilhyun has cease to exist. It hurts sometimes, when people look at him and the only name that slips out of their mouth is Kangta.
“Kangta-hyung has laid the path for us. Without him, none of us would be here,” Minho says, and Kangta had felt a glimmer of pride in him, one that swells in his heart and makes him smile bashfully. Minho, out of all the juniors, looks up to him the most, is the one that practically worships him, sings Kangta praises without questions and looks at him with so much wonder in his eyes.
Kangta loves it, it makes him feel important, makes him feel like his goal of helping his junior is working.
Inside, Chilhyun fades away a little more.
armour ; key/jonghyun
Kibum doesn’t realize when he says that on video, when he admits not only to himself, but to everyone that “Key is his armour”. It takes him by surprise when it slips out of him without warning and it takes every inch of him to not beg them to not air it, because what use is armour if everyone knows what it is and how they can take it apart?
So when Jonghyun holds him later, in a rare moment of vulnerability, Kibum allows himself to fall apart for a moment, he allows Jonghyun to mumble Kibum Kibum Kibum like a mantra as he holds him close and rubs his back in slow strokes.
Later on, Kibum will laugh this off; he will shrug it all off his shoulders and blame it on something. He will ignore the way Jonghyun looks at him like he will just break anytime, and instead shove him against the wall, the cupboard, anything.
Later on, Kibum will be Key again, and everything will be alright.
i guess you could call it the i am-verse lol.
second chances; sungmin-centric
Lee Sungmin believes in second chances.
Second chances are the only reason he is allowed on stage now, that despite being rejected once before, casted away, he is still able to have a spotlight on him (albeit one shared with many others). Second chances are why people know his name, why he is followed by chants of Sungmin Sungmin Sungmin wherever he goes. Second chances have given him the opportunity to love and be loved by so many others.
Sungmin does not believe in second chances, because Sungmin only exists because Super Junior does. Lee Sungmin is a different entity, one that has felt rejection and lived through it. Sungmin is on his first chance, and Sungmin only has one opportunity to make it work. This is why Sungmin tries his best to reach perfection, because he cannot accept the notion of rejection or failure.
What Sungmin doesn’t realize is that Lee Sungmin is why he is so afraid of failing, that the only reason why his heart goes into the worst kind of overdrive when people doubt him is because Lee Sungmin is him, and Lee Sungmin has been thrown aside once, that he has almost gave it all up once.
What Sungmin doesn’t realize is that Lee Sungmin and Sungmin are one, and no matter how hard he tries to separate them, Lee Sungmin’s one rejection will always affect the way Sungmin is.
hero worship; kangta/minho
It’s tiring to be Chilhyun sometimes, and incredibly difficult, because Chilhyun doesn’t remember who he is anymore. He doesn’t think anyone does.
Kangta, that’s what they call him, or sunbae. After so many years, it seems like Chilhyun has cease to exist. It hurts sometimes, when people look at him and the only name that slips out of their mouth is Kangta.
“Kangta-hyung has laid the path for us. Without him, none of us would be here,” Minho says, and Kangta had felt a glimmer of pride in him, one that swells in his heart and makes him smile bashfully. Minho, out of all the juniors, looks up to him the most, is the one that practically worships him, sings Kangta praises without questions and looks at him with so much wonder in his eyes.
Kangta loves it, it makes him feel important, makes him feel like his goal of helping his junior is working.
Inside, Chilhyun fades away a little more.
armour ; key/jonghyun
Kibum doesn’t realize when he says that on video, when he admits not only to himself, but to everyone that “Key is his armour”. It takes him by surprise when it slips out of him without warning and it takes every inch of him to not beg them to not air it, because what use is armour if everyone knows what it is and how they can take it apart?
So when Jonghyun holds him later, in a rare moment of vulnerability, Kibum allows himself to fall apart for a moment, he allows Jonghyun to mumble Kibum Kibum Kibum like a mantra as he holds him close and rubs his back in slow strokes.
Later on, Kibum will laugh this off; he will shrug it all off his shoulders and blame it on something. He will ignore the way Jonghyun looks at him like he will just break anytime, and instead shove him against the wall, the cupboard, anything.
Later on, Kibum will be Key again, and everything will be alright.