Understanding
I did something today, that I hadn't done in five months:
I played trumpet.
I'd forgotten what that was like.
How band made me feel. Makes me feel.
I'm sitting there playing third trumpet with an 11 year old and a guy who hasn't played for as long as I've been playing. It's not first class, but I'm there, and I'm playing, and it doesn't matter who we are, only the music matters.
And part of me is against losing myself in that kind of gestalt, but I know the sound would in fact be different were I not there, giving myself over.
I'd remembered, I could talk about it, I could work for it. That's why, when we talked about brotherhood in our last couple of meetings, I felt kind of superior. "I know what they're talking about. I could work harder, sure. But I've got the idea of it. I know how it works. I know what we're working for." It took this, tonight, to remember that I don't have to just think about the memory. I can feel it again. I can remember it by living it.
It astounds me, our capacity to forget. Today was a wake-up call. I never want to give that feeling up... there's a difference between being a solo musician and part of an ensemble. I'm not a soloist. A leader, maybe. Who knows? but I do not stand on my own. At heart, musically... and, I suppose, emotionally, in a way, I play the third trumpet. You don't hear me, but if I'm not there you wonder where I've gone. I might not always be there for my brothers up front and in their faces. But I will be there in that harmony. I love playing that part. That's me, as much as I want to be something else.
I'm exhausted. I will be exhausted tomorrow, because it's late, and I have lab and German homework to do and all kinds of other things to accomplish. But I think I can handle it a little bit easier, because tonight, dare I say it? I was blessed with a little more understanding.
I'm growing, though I don't always see it while it's happening. Sunday, in tap, I actually picked out the move the teacher was doing as she was teaching it to us, before she explained it. I recognized the pattern of steps, I recognized the sound pattern, I saw her doing it and knew what she was doing. I recognized the other day that I was singing along to I-VI-V-I when I harmonize with rock songs. I'm learning, even though I don't realize it.
I need something to be hopeful for. To realize that I'm not working in vain.
I found it.
ΦΜΑ.
Une fois sinfonien;
Toujours un sinfonien.
Vive la Sinfonie!
I played trumpet.
I'd forgotten what that was like.
How band made me feel. Makes me feel.
I'm sitting there playing third trumpet with an 11 year old and a guy who hasn't played for as long as I've been playing. It's not first class, but I'm there, and I'm playing, and it doesn't matter who we are, only the music matters.
And part of me is against losing myself in that kind of gestalt, but I know the sound would in fact be different were I not there, giving myself over.
I'd remembered, I could talk about it, I could work for it. That's why, when we talked about brotherhood in our last couple of meetings, I felt kind of superior. "I know what they're talking about. I could work harder, sure. But I've got the idea of it. I know how it works. I know what we're working for." It took this, tonight, to remember that I don't have to just think about the memory. I can feel it again. I can remember it by living it.
It astounds me, our capacity to forget. Today was a wake-up call. I never want to give that feeling up... there's a difference between being a solo musician and part of an ensemble. I'm not a soloist. A leader, maybe. Who knows? but I do not stand on my own. At heart, musically... and, I suppose, emotionally, in a way, I play the third trumpet. You don't hear me, but if I'm not there you wonder where I've gone. I might not always be there for my brothers up front and in their faces. But I will be there in that harmony. I love playing that part. That's me, as much as I want to be something else.
I'm exhausted. I will be exhausted tomorrow, because it's late, and I have lab and German homework to do and all kinds of other things to accomplish. But I think I can handle it a little bit easier, because tonight, dare I say it? I was blessed with a little more understanding.
I'm growing, though I don't always see it while it's happening. Sunday, in tap, I actually picked out the move the teacher was doing as she was teaching it to us, before she explained it. I recognized the pattern of steps, I recognized the sound pattern, I saw her doing it and knew what she was doing. I recognized the other day that I was singing along to I-VI-V-I when I harmonize with rock songs. I'm learning, even though I don't realize it.
I need something to be hopeful for. To realize that I'm not working in vain.
I found it.
ΦΜΑ.
Une fois sinfonien;
Toujours un sinfonien.
Vive la Sinfonie!