lately.
If we're supposed to have more time this year for training, why the hell do I feel like my bulletin board won't be ready in time? How did I do it last year? Also, I'm miffed at the lack of black paper in the area office. I feel like I used paper I wasn't supposed to to get black letters. My door decs and themes are really cute. I hope we get full rosters tomorrow though, so I can hang them up and do a birthday board.
I'm kind of nervous about this school year. I took a look at my theory syllabus and I knew it would be hard, but I scared the shit out of myself. I mean, the thing is, everything is stated much more formally than it is done in real life. So it won't be that big a deal, I hope. But... I've got a lot on my plate and I'm not sure I can handle that. I hope. And I'll try...
Books were not so expensive this year. That was nice. And even if I need an audio CD for German, I'll ask to copy someone else's. I also don't have so much money left over, but that might change, I don't know. I did forget to get folders though, and I really, really need to get a new battery for my tablet if I want this thing to work. I also have to convince my teachers to let me use in class. It's not like they'll have to worry about me using the internet. Goodness knows that's a fail.
Applebee's finally worked out. I gave away enough shifts, and I can work Monday, and I was allowed to skip tomorrow, and I gave in my availability change. I just hope that I will be able to handle that on top of whatever else I do. I KNOW the money will be worth it. And necessary.
The jury is still out on romantic matters. Part of me wants to cling to it, and the other part of me just wants to let it go. Yet another part of me wants me to force a hand, but some other part of me (one of the first two parts? maybe) knows that's unfair. I really, really don't know what to do or how to feel. Or what I'm feeling. I really, really wish our schedules meshed a little better, with training. If this is how the fall is going to be, then... maybe it's not going to work. Which to me is more depressing than if we split up over differences... this isn't my choice, and that's what I don't deem fair. I have so much faith in the world, but it's so fragile. It can't break this way. None of it can.
I need a miracle. I'm such a fair-weather friend, so to speak, when it comes to religion. I'm not willing to give any kind of thanks for anything I have, but when I'm desperate, I want answers.
Maybe that's all I want, though, is the ability to make a clear decision.
Maybe that's what growing up is: not having any kind of clear decision ahead of you.
And finally, if that's the case, then I don't want to grow up. It's scary. And I'm not sure I can handle it.
I feel like I'm not holding up my end of the bargain, either. I feel like I could do things better. All of it. I don't know how, though. I don't want to do something that's unappreciated. I want whatever I do to work out. Not inappropriate, which heaven knows I am in general the rest of the time.
I can't do this on my own.
I'm kind of nervous about this school year. I took a look at my theory syllabus and I knew it would be hard, but I scared the shit out of myself. I mean, the thing is, everything is stated much more formally than it is done in real life. So it won't be that big a deal, I hope. But... I've got a lot on my plate and I'm not sure I can handle that. I hope. And I'll try...
Books were not so expensive this year. That was nice. And even if I need an audio CD for German, I'll ask to copy someone else's. I also don't have so much money left over, but that might change, I don't know. I did forget to get folders though, and I really, really need to get a new battery for my tablet if I want this thing to work. I also have to convince my teachers to let me use in class. It's not like they'll have to worry about me using the internet. Goodness knows that's a fail.
Applebee's finally worked out. I gave away enough shifts, and I can work Monday, and I was allowed to skip tomorrow, and I gave in my availability change. I just hope that I will be able to handle that on top of whatever else I do. I KNOW the money will be worth it. And necessary.
The jury is still out on romantic matters. Part of me wants to cling to it, and the other part of me just wants to let it go. Yet another part of me wants me to force a hand, but some other part of me (one of the first two parts? maybe) knows that's unfair. I really, really don't know what to do or how to feel. Or what I'm feeling. I really, really wish our schedules meshed a little better, with training. If this is how the fall is going to be, then... maybe it's not going to work. Which to me is more depressing than if we split up over differences... this isn't my choice, and that's what I don't deem fair. I have so much faith in the world, but it's so fragile. It can't break this way. None of it can.
I need a miracle. I'm such a fair-weather friend, so to speak, when it comes to religion. I'm not willing to give any kind of thanks for anything I have, but when I'm desperate, I want answers.
Maybe that's all I want, though, is the ability to make a clear decision.
Maybe that's what growing up is: not having any kind of clear decision ahead of you.
And finally, if that's the case, then I don't want to grow up. It's scary. And I'm not sure I can handle it.
I feel like I'm not holding up my end of the bargain, either. I feel like I could do things better. All of it. I don't know how, though. I don't want to do something that's unappreciated. I want whatever I do to work out. Not inappropriate, which heaven knows I am in general the rest of the time.
I can't do this on my own.