Tonight is not the night for fights
Who: Sanji baratiesbest and Zoro threesword
Where: Northern Lights
When: Nov 19, late night.
Rating: PG13-ish for ust pirates
Summary: Two pirates meet in a bar. Awkwardness ensues.
the log:
Say what you will about Sanji but if there was one thing he was an expert at it was to keep himself occupied. Whenever life got too stressful and he needed to clear his head he ( Read more... )
Where: Northern Lights
When: Nov 19, late night.
Rating: PG13-ish for ust pirates
Summary: Two pirates meet in a bar. Awkwardness ensues.
the log:
Say what you will about Sanji but if there was one thing he was an expert at it was to keep himself occupied. Whenever life got too stressful and he needed to clear his head he ( Read more... )
Still, for some reason he hadn't expected him here tonight and for a split second he felt like his heart was about to stop. He froze in his tracks, contemplated just escaping back to the safe confines of the kitchen before the other noticed him but that would mean admitting that something really was going on.
Play it cool. Act professional, like this was just any other guest. Don't let it slip.
So he calmed himself down as much as possible and sauntered up to the bar disk, kept his focus on the rag he still had in his hands. Tried to act nonchalant but there was no way he could hide that hint of discomfort in his tone of voice.
"What can I get you?"
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But still, he could hear it. There was an unmistakable reluctance in the cook's voice. Without looking up, the swordsmans brow furrowed as he immediately began to question why he used that tone of voice; What the hell could have happened to cause that?
He'd noticed it in their last meeting, too. The sudden way he'd tensed up and took off without saying anything. But it didn't even occur to Zoro that their situations were so similiar. In fact, they were identical, but he couldn't fathom the idea that Sanji, Sanji of all people could fall prey to a situation as unnerving as this. Not the great lover of women.
Without looking up he finally responded.
"Same old crap, I guess." He didn't really care. Anything would do. He'd been sure to drink the bottle of sake Chopper had given him in portions. He loved the stuff, but he needed the quality liquor to last - which was proving itself harder and harder with the current situation.
So battery acid it was.
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Well. It looked like he'd be trapped out here for a while so he might as well keep himself busy, aimlessly picking up glasses behind the counter to polish them. He didn't say anything, just kept his gaze as far away from the swordsman as possible. This just... wouldn't work, would it? This tension was almost worse than it had been back when they had been out for blood and he really didn't know how to break it. It had always been so easy to talk to Zoro but right now he couldn't even remember how a normal conversation between them usually played out.
It felt like he had to say something though. Act normal even though this situation was everything but that.
"How's it coming along?"
Business talk. Yeah, that would have to do.
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Which was true, without a doubt. It wasn't that things weren't coming along, but it was happening much slower than he wanted it to. But hell what else was he going to expect from Discedo? He was constantly pushing back the feeling of defeat from this situation. He was doing it for the good of the crew... because Luffy wasn't there to. But he was the first mate. He enjoyed backing Luffy up, not taking the reigns and doing it himself.
It was extremely overwhelming to say the least, and his body language displayed that.
He still hadn't looked up. His eyes moved upward only slightly, letting them meet with the now filled glass before bringing his hand to it and pulling it to his lips.
Liquor. This was good. This would help.
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Right. The trip. Avoiding each other would be impossible as soon as they set sail. Whatever this was it had to be settled before then or it could mean big trouble for the entire crew - they had to be able to rely on each other.
Sanji paused, shot the swordsman a quick glance. They had to solve this. Correction: he had to solve this. For all he knew this was just in his head, though he couldn't help but notice that Zoro seemed to be affected by it too. Could just be his imagination though... who really knew? But bringing it up..? No.
And there was the problem. He couldn't even comprehend what this was about, let alone what he was supposed to do about it. Something had to be done and just pushing issues further down under the surface just wouldn't work. The scars on his chest were evidence enough of that.
The blond sighed, opened his mouth to say something but closed it just as fast. Went back to polishing the already spotless glass in his hands.
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But it was there. There was no denying that the tension between them was suffocating. His eyes focused blearily on the schematics, but he could feel his heart rate rising. It was an amalgamation of things; The tension, the underlying feelings, the need to push those feelings aside, along with the painful silence between them.
They used to bicker. And even when they weren't at each other's throats, making snide remarks they were talking. Figuring out the next damn thing the shitty place would throw at them.
But no, this was silence. This was unlike them. It made Zoro feel like he was someone else. This wasn't him and he didn't like what this was doing to him.
He drew in a deep breath, forcing himself to look up. Despite the tight feeling of panic in his chest, he furrowed his brow, looking at Sanji with disdain.
"Oi... I think that shitty glass is clean, idiot."
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"What? You're going to tell me how to do my damn job now, shitty mosshead?"
His voice lacked the proper edge and he hated it. Bickering, throwing insults, snappy comebacks... that was a part of who they were and if they couldn't even do that much then something was very very wrong. Hell, they had managed to keep that part up back when they were still at each others throats so why couldn't it be that simple now..?
No. Something had to change. He had to tackle this head-on or nothing would ever change for the better. Sanji was a good tactician, especially if he worked on his own so lets just deal with this like he would deal with any hostile threat - know your enemies intentions before you make a decision. If it was just him, then he could deal with it. And if it wasn't... well, fuck. Then they were really screwed.
So he pushed away that urge to retreat and looked up, tried to get eye-contact with the other. He knew Zoro well enough, hopefully he would be able to get some answers out of this without revealing all too much of his own issues. Just a hint was enough, something that could tip the scales instead of leaving them in perfect balance like this.
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It was forced. Flat. Half-hearted. Just like this entire encounter. But what else could he do?
And then he felt it. Blue eyes, staring him down. Beating on him. Pressing. Different. It was confrontation, that much Zoro knew. But it was different. It wasn't that same, biting stare. Not the one that came before a spar or a genuine fight.
It didn't matter though. No matter what type on confrontation it was, Zoro wasn't going to run from it. He looked up, allowing his eyes to meet with Sanji's. He felt his throat going dry, and without looking down. His heart was racing... he felt like hell. A wreck.
But whatever the hell was going on, he was going to deal with it.
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Or maybe he just wasn't willing to accept what those green eyes were telling him.
His chest felt tight, heart beating furiously as the panic threatened to consume him once more. This couldn't be happening. Not now, not here, not ever but despite his effort to remain in blissful denial he couldn't ignore that his own insanity was mirrored in Zoro's expression. This was, quite possibly, the worst answer he could ever get. A silent confirmation that he wasn't alone in this, it wasn't just some fix idea or ridiculous obsession that had festered in his head.
Sanji swallowed and finally broke that contact with a sigh, let his head drop. Fucking hell.
Right now he couldn't care less about when or where this came from, just wanted to know what he could do to make it go away. Or... they. He had asked and the other had answered and he was pretty damn sure that Zoro had come to the same conclusions he had - they were in deep shit. Nothing good could come from this and they sure as hell needed to work this out if they ever wanted to be able to function like normal human beings again.
This... wouldn't do. But he didn't know how to fix it.
Sanji dragged a hand through his hair - as world-shattering as all this was he had to push his own insecurities to the side for now. Figure out a battle plan before this went too far. Nip it in the bud, before they reverted back to how things had been before when all that was between them was hatred and secrecy.
"Shit."
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Obviously, they couldn't but that was what he felt. His body snapped out of the shocked as Sanji broke the piercing eye contact, and he couldn't help but let a relieved breath escape his lips. He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath until he exhaled.
This... was really happening, wasn't it? The way his heart pounded, the way he was hating himself for these feelings. This time last year, he never would have understood it. Zoro could remember it. The way his hear would pound around Umi. The way he always wanted to protect her. How he never wanted to see her hurt or upset. The same had gone for the crew; but with her, it had been different. She had evoked all kinds of reactions from him. Emotions. Things he never quite understood until things had come down to the wire.
The revelation, when it had finally been made, scared the hell out of Zoro. He was a swordsman. He was a pirate. He had a mission, a life's goal. He wante to be the best, no matter what it took.
It was never that he didn't want to feel those things, but he wanted to achieve so much else before it. He'd never taken the time to think it could happen in an order he didn't plan for. When it did, it completely blindsinded him. And it never helped that it was in a place where it was inconvenient. Where he never wanted to worry her with stuff that seemed unnecessary.
But all of that had changed. He'd come to terms with the fact that he couldn't change those feelings for her. He couldn't deny that he still felt those things - that she'd grown to be just as important to him as the crew. As his goals. That having her in his life was actually a goal achieved and something he was grateful for.
It took him a long time to understand all of it. To come to terms with it. But now he could see it this time. He couldn't deny that what was happening before him was eerily similar to the things that happened over the course of the year with Umi. Hell for all he knew, even with all of their fights and hatred, it could have been looming festering deep down. After all, their rivalry always was intense in such a strange way.
It didn't matter. He knew what this mean.
He knew how this could change things. Not only between one another, but with Umi as well. They couldn't... no. Neither of them could afford this, could they? Hell. Zoro had never pledged his allegiance to any one sex, or type. He rarely even thought about people in that regard. But Sanji, the great lover of women... he couldn't.
But how the hell could they change this? Or go back to the way things once were without risking their camaraderie... and their relationship with Umi?
Zoro placed a hand on the back of his neck, wiping away the droplets of sweat that were threatening to roll down to his back. His eyes closed. He didn't know what to say or do, but he understood what Sanji meant when the single word passed his lips.
"Yeah."
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Shit. Shitshitshit. That this was happening at all was enough of a disaster for the cook as it was and the fact that it was with Zoro of all people just made it that much worse. Anyone else he could have avoided until this bullshit faded away but that was impossible now. They had tried it before and that had ended in disaster and now, when their plans to build a ship was finally starting to unfold that course of action wasn't one they could take.
It just had to be him. In one way it didn't make sense, Zoro was as masculine as they come and even thought the thought had never so much as crossed the cooks mind before he would've thought that... well, if he was going to fall for a man it would've been someone a lot more feminine. Someone who, despite his gender, acted in ways similar to the women he always adored and worshiped. That would have been a lot easier to swallow. But Zoro..? All muscles and grunts and hard movements - there wasn't a shred of feminine grace in him. Nothing that could explain this strange attraction.
Then again... maybe it wasn't that strange. They had always had something and Sanji had to admit (if only to himself, reluctantly) that the first time they met could be compared to falling in love, on some level. The determination, the unwavering, undying resolve even as the swordsman lay bleeding - it had taken him completely by surprise, shook him at his very foundation, opened his eyes to the fact that there were people out there with dreams as big as his and they never hesitated to pursue them. And even after that the two of them had a special kind of chemistry. The whole clan was like family, tightly-knit through the adventures they had but Zoro was the one Sanji would always come back to. The one he relied on the most and, as much as he hated to admit it, the one he had always kept an eye on. Not because he was weak but rather because he was strong and if that pillar of strength crumbled the rest of them were soon to follow.
He could try to make sense of this all night and still not get anywhere. The fact remained though - they had to face this head-on and they had to do it now, before it really started to affect the way they acted.
"You think--"
Sanji hesitated. Fucking hell, he didn't even know how to bring this shit up, even now that the problem had been laid out in the open. They had to play it cool though, keep it to themselves. So he leaned in a little closer, elbows on the bar disk and eyes lowered. It was bad enough to be this close and he hated his own body right then for how it reacted to the closeness. Just a little longer, until they'd figured this out... he lowered his voice. Any remaining customers would see nothing but two crew mates, discussing an unexpected problem in their great plan to escape.
"We have to stop this."
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Was Sanji.. did they both really?
He felt frozen again, only able to get the vague sensation of Sanji's breath hitting his skin. Sure, to anyone around them, it didn't look like anything out of th oridinary. They were crew mates with big plans. But the two of them knew it was far more than that.
With every passing moment, it was getting further and further under his skin. And when Sanji finally spoke, his eyes widened at the words. Stop it?
It wasn't that he didn't agree. He... conciously didn't want it, even though his body (and his heart) told him otherwise. But beyond how taboo it felt; as crew mates, as friends, and as sharing an obligation to Umi. If this... if anything happened between the two of them, then what? What would that make them? But at the very same time... Zoro wasn't sure. He didn't know how to stop it. Could he force his heart rate to stay normal when they were in close proximity? Could he tell his stomach not to flutter, or his brain not to worry when something went wrong?
The idea sounded more daunting than anything else right then - even more so than successfully pulling off this trip out of Discedo. But Sanji was right. They couldn't do this. They couldn't feel this way, for more reasons than one.
He swallowed hard, closing his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact with the cook, but he nodded his head.
"Yeah, you're right."
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This was one of them.
Whatever solution they came up with had to be final, there was no turning back or room to change their minds because that would only complicate things even further. The only way they could solve this was, as far as the cook was concerned, to stop but he had no idea how they were supposed to pull that off. A daunting idea indeed and a significant part of him just wanted to not choose at all, leave this to fester and rot until a different solution presented itself. But that just wouldn't do, would it?
The opposite was even more unthinkable though. If they went with this... even the best possible outcome would be a catastrophe. His mind was reeling at the mere thought of where this could end up, how much it could destroy and apart from the sheer satisfaction of giving in to something they both obviously wanted (no matter how unwillingly) nothing good could ever come from this.
He sighed, traced the pattern of scratches on the counter with his eyes as if a solution would present itself if he just focused enough. They had to stop this.
"So.. how do we..?"
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That much was true. He really didn't know. These feelings were undeniable. And now that they'd addressed it, there was no way to turn back. But another thing he couldn't deny, much to his chagrin, was what the idea of "making it stop" felt like.
It was a crushing feeling. Cinder blocks pressed against his lungs. Weight, pushing him down. Oppressing him. Causing him to shatter until he couldn't stand. His felt his breath hitch again at that feeling, but he shook it off.
No. He couldn't. Even if he thought that it's what it would feel like - and even if it really did - he had to persevere. He was a pirate; A Straw Hat. Something like this wouldn't ruin him.
Hell. It was Sanji.
If there was one person he shouldn't have felt this way about, it was him.
But at the very same time he wondered what would happen if their attempts failed. If his heart still raced like this every time. It wasn't as if they could avoid each other forever. Not only would they have to deal with each other for the trip... but Umi.
Even if they feigned it, and somehow managed to hide it for a good long while, eventually, she'd notice. She'd notice how their bickering wasn't the same, or how they rarely made eye contact - and when they did, it wasn't with a ferocity it once had.
He didn't know if this was even possible, but he also couldn't fathom handling it any other way.
Zoro still didn't look at him, instead idly folding up the papers he had been looking at. "Either way, this isn't the place to deal with it."
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They had handled worse things in the past and got out of it without more than a few scars, broken ribs. Inhuman mermen, criminal syndicates, Gods... they had fought all that and won so why should this be any different?
Then again this city didn't work like that. They had fought and lost more times in this past year than ever before, especially when it came to intangible things like the heart. Mind. Soul.
Sanji froze, glanced up at Zoro from underneath his blond bangs. He was right, this wasn't the place but leaving the safety of the bar..?
"...what are you suggesting?"
Shit. Was he really that far gone? Was he actually worried about being alone with the swordsman? This was ridiculous, pure insanity.
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Sanji knew what he was saying. He knew that the cook had to understand where he was coming from. Hell, it wasn't as if he really wanted to do this either. to leave this bar; to be alone with the cook in any situation. He scoffed a little, more to himself than anything else. He hated this. He fucking hated the way things had changed. But he couldn't tell why they changed.
He didn't know if it had always been this way, and they'd both been to ignorant to notice. If they had been on the slow path to it all this time. Or if it had been as absurdly sudden as it felt. He wasn't sure if he'd ever figure it out, or if he even wanted to. Most of him just wanted things to go back to how they used to be. It was safe, normal. How it should be. But there was that little part of him that didn't.
It wanted to explore. To do things he'd never even imagined doing in the past. Not with him. Not with Umi. Not with anyone. Another part wanted to sit in comfortable silence and be able to share a laugh. Anything to relieve the uncomfortable tension between them.
It made Zoro feel so much like a different person. He wasn't thinking clearly. He wasn't thinking like himself. Fuck, is this asshole always going ruin me?
His fingers tapped against the empty glass that was still sitting atop the bar. It took a long moment of silence for him to do it, but he finally looked up. His green eyes didn't meet with Sanji's, but they still studied the near panicked look on the cook's face. The way it contorted... how miserable it looked compared to his normal expression.
Letting out a sigh, he finished his thought.. "Talking in half sentences.. tch. Either we do that or we do this somewhere we can actually say it," He paused, eying the other patrons of the bar. "Last thing we need is anyone finding out what's..."
He couldn't finish the statement, bringing a hand to the back of his neck. It was entirely possible his cheeks had begun to flush, but there was no way Zoro would have known - he felt as if his entire body was on fire.
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