The Beginning
My First entry, this is it, the one that shall go down in history as proof that i am caught up with technology. Today was a different day, a mild change from the somewhat usual routine. I got out of the prison my parents enjoy calling a "home" and managed to find myself at my friends house, supposedly "studying" for our exams which will begin tomorrow, and continue for 3 long hellish weeks. Today was the first day in a while in which i did not experience my usual anxious feelings about....everything. It was good to get away from it all and just sit down and relax, although i would hardly call revising for a french oral worth 25% of your grade relaxing but ah well. I feel like i'm wasting letters, i'm not really talking about anything useful, although the whole point of this it to put down your thoughts....i think, and thats what i'm doing it just doesn't sound very interesting.
Last Night.
The next day, I am almost afraid. Love? It was more like dragonflies in the sun, 100 degrees at noon, the ends of their abdomens stuck together, I close my eyes when I remember. I hardly knew myself, like something twisting and twisting out of a chrysalis, enormous, without language, all head, all shut eyes, and the humming like madness, the way they writhe away, and do not leave, back, back, away, back. Did I know you? No kiss, no tenderness - more like killing, death-grip holding to life, genitals like violent hands clasped tight barely moving, more like being closed in a great jaw and eaten, and the screaming I groan to remember it, and when we started to die, then I refuse to remember, the way a drunkard forgets. After, you held my hands extremely hard as my body moved in shudders like the ferry when its axle is loosed past engagement, you kept me sealed exactly against you, our hairlines wet as the arc of a gateway after a cloudburst, you secured me in your arms till i slept - that was love, and we woke in the morning clasped, fragrant, buoyant, that was the morning after love.
I think this is a beautiful poem that doesn't even need a description or explanation, i wish, more than anything, to have what the girl in this poem has with someone.