i decided i would make this public afterall.

[disc0_lem0nade]

last night was so bittersweet. a farewell it seems to all the good in my life. but it's only summer there will be other moments, but none like that. i came home and i got in bed and i wanted to cry; i wish i could have. crying would have made it so much easier. not crying because i was sad, but crying because i know i'll never have that moment again. i'll never feel that everything ive done up to that point in my life doesnt matter. all that mattered was the 6 of us. all that mattered was me justin chaia eric spooning in the backseat. all that mattered was the lights on the highway dancing for us and telling us we're doing alright, telling us we're young and alive. the music the bodies the warmth the love. it was all wonderful and in two days i start a new school. all this is gone. the summer magic i've kept with me won't last much longer, i wish it never had to end. of all the things i could wish for at 11:11 that would be it. for this never to end. the feeling of being so complete,that nothing can touch you because you've been touched by everything already and it's too late to taint you. you're already too far gone, but that's the beauty of it, because now the only way to go is up. the only way to go is more giggles and kisses. the only way to go is picnics on park benches. the only way to go is dancing in soaking wet clothes, and then taking them off in the parking lot.
september  you came too soon, you'll never be  a friend of mine. i hate being rushed. i want always to feel the way i did last night, i don't ever want to forget what it is to feel, even though i sometimes try harder than anything not to. i don't ever want to be numb again. i'm awake i'm alive and i love. please let me remember this night, let me keep it in me all year. keep it for when im sad, use it as a map to get out of hurt.