(no subject)
I feel like shit. My mood has gotten no better in a month. I'm trying to do good things for myself, to life my mood. But I can't get out of this. I'm just being weighed so far done and I'm so close to losing hope. I just want to give up. I'm so tired and I'm so terrified of living my whole life like this. My doctor says I may have to be on medication for my whole life, and that thought fucking haunts me. I WANT TO BE NORMAL. I want to be able to feel true, genuine, natural happiness and be content with my life and myself. I'm doing my best with counselling but it's just so hard for me. I don't know how to verbalise my feelings and I'm still not quite comfortable enough with my therapist to write everything down for her.
I'm over this, okay? Can I have a fucking life now?!
Maybe I'm sabotaging myself. I seem to be doing a pretty good job of ruining my own fucking life.
I took time off work, right? But didn't explain exactly what was happening. Just that I was sick and needed some time off. And I didn't want to quit over the phone or in a text, I wanted to do it in person. But I kept putting it off, over and over, because my anxiety has been so unbearable. And while I was at the coast yesterday I got a text from my boss saying "thanks for lettin me know you don't wanna come back here..." which I assume is meant sarcastically. How else can that be read? I assume someone has told her I don't want to go back. Fuck. So now I'm going to have to go in and face her on Monday to explain everything to her or I'm not going to get a reference.
Fuck life. I just want to give up now.
I'm over this, okay? Can I have a fucking life now?!
Maybe I'm sabotaging myself. I seem to be doing a pretty good job of ruining my own fucking life.
I took time off work, right? But didn't explain exactly what was happening. Just that I was sick and needed some time off. And I didn't want to quit over the phone or in a text, I wanted to do it in person. But I kept putting it off, over and over, because my anxiety has been so unbearable. And while I was at the coast yesterday I got a text from my boss saying "thanks for lettin me know you don't wanna come back here..." which I assume is meant sarcastically. How else can that be read? I assume someone has told her I don't want to go back. Fuck. So now I'm going to have to go in and face her on Monday to explain everything to her or I'm not going to get a reference.
Fuck life. I just want to give up now.