the day before
Title: The Day Before
Pairing: Hyunsik/Sungjae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I want you to continue reading this note. As my first, selfish request.
Remember when we were young, and wanted to grow up? To be adults? To be taken seriously? How naive of us-- to think, that just by growing up, we would become what? Respected?
The note cuts off from that train of thought, suddenly taking a more sorrowful tone. Sungjae's hands are shaking as he reads on, heart dropping to his gut in a sickly way.
It was hard, at first-- writing this. I knew you'd be disappointed. Hell, I knew a lot of people would be disappointed. But somehow, I can't bring myself to stop writing. The resentful thoughts I have each day eventually drove me to this point. There is no use in holding on any longer. I can only hope you don't decide to stop reading. I know it's selfish, but I'd like you to continue. As my first request in this note.
Disbelief rushes through him, his jaw unhinging silently as he forces himself not to choke on his own saliva. He stares down at the written characters, forgetting his own language for a short moment, attempting to digest what he is given so far. His hands are shaking harder than before, he notes, but he's still able to read. So he does.
At one point, I wondered how I would start this. How I would say, to my dearest Sungjae, that I would not be there to see him on his next birthday. Nor the one after that, and the one after that. And so on and so forth. I realized, just before I picked up this pen, that it would not matter how I "said" it, for I would not truly be saying it at all.
My second request, is for you to forgive the selfishness I am showing.
Also, I would like to acknowledge once more, that these requests are greedy, and self-centered. But, do not resent me. This is not a request-- resenting me will only lead to the corruption of your pure heart. That is not something I wish to ensue.
Now, as a last request, I would like you to always remember that I love you. That, is simply something that will never change, no matter how jaded and cynical I have become. Though I could not pick up the broken pieces of what I once was, I do not wish for you to fret. When I am gone, I will always be looking out for you.
"I can't believe you." He whispers in a gust of breath. On the tip of his tongue, he can taste the bitterness and loathing towards his lover, or rather, ex-lover. Sadness and fear, as well.
I'm beginning to feel the effects of the toxin. I will stop writing now, as I have no more requests.
I love you.
"Lim Hyunsik." Sungjae croaks, his eyes burning. It feels, somehow, like all the air has been sucked from his lungs, then put in the middle of his esophagus. "I can't believe you. You selfish, egotistical, son-of-a-bitch."
He's trying to stand, trying to reach the window. Trying not to look at the spot he knew Hyunsik would have been sitting if this were a normal day, and they were eating dinner like they normally would.
But alas, this is not a normal day.
Lim Hyunsik is not sitting at the table, drinking his coffee, casting Sungjae adoring looks as he reads his books, or writes a new poem.
And Lim Hyunsik, will never be sitting at the table again.
Because the day before, Hyunsik had committed an act that Sungjae would never forgive him for, and he will never be coming back.
Sungjae stares out the frosted window as choked sobs filter from his mouth, tear droplets streaming down his face like falling rain.
Pairing: Hyunsik/Sungjae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I want you to continue reading this note. As my first, selfish request.
Remember when we were young, and wanted to grow up? To be adults? To be taken seriously? How naive of us-- to think, that just by growing up, we would become what? Respected?
The note cuts off from that train of thought, suddenly taking a more sorrowful tone. Sungjae's hands are shaking as he reads on, heart dropping to his gut in a sickly way.
It was hard, at first-- writing this. I knew you'd be disappointed. Hell, I knew a lot of people would be disappointed. But somehow, I can't bring myself to stop writing. The resentful thoughts I have each day eventually drove me to this point. There is no use in holding on any longer. I can only hope you don't decide to stop reading. I know it's selfish, but I'd like you to continue. As my first request in this note.
Disbelief rushes through him, his jaw unhinging silently as he forces himself not to choke on his own saliva. He stares down at the written characters, forgetting his own language for a short moment, attempting to digest what he is given so far. His hands are shaking harder than before, he notes, but he's still able to read. So he does.
At one point, I wondered how I would start this. How I would say, to my dearest Sungjae, that I would not be there to see him on his next birthday. Nor the one after that, and the one after that. And so on and so forth. I realized, just before I picked up this pen, that it would not matter how I "said" it, for I would not truly be saying it at all.
My second request, is for you to forgive the selfishness I am showing.
Also, I would like to acknowledge once more, that these requests are greedy, and self-centered. But, do not resent me. This is not a request-- resenting me will only lead to the corruption of your pure heart. That is not something I wish to ensue.
Now, as a last request, I would like you to always remember that I love you. That, is simply something that will never change, no matter how jaded and cynical I have become. Though I could not pick up the broken pieces of what I once was, I do not wish for you to fret. When I am gone, I will always be looking out for you.
"I can't believe you." He whispers in a gust of breath. On the tip of his tongue, he can taste the bitterness and loathing towards his lover, or rather, ex-lover. Sadness and fear, as well.
I'm beginning to feel the effects of the toxin. I will stop writing now, as I have no more requests.
I love you.
"Lim Hyunsik." Sungjae croaks, his eyes burning. It feels, somehow, like all the air has been sucked from his lungs, then put in the middle of his esophagus. "I can't believe you. You selfish, egotistical, son-of-a-bitch."
He's trying to stand, trying to reach the window. Trying not to look at the spot he knew Hyunsik would have been sitting if this were a normal day, and they were eating dinner like they normally would.
But alas, this is not a normal day.
Lim Hyunsik is not sitting at the table, drinking his coffee, casting Sungjae adoring looks as he reads his books, or writes a new poem.
And Lim Hyunsik, will never be sitting at the table again.
Because the day before, Hyunsik had committed an act that Sungjae would never forgive him for, and he will never be coming back.
Sungjae stares out the frosted window as choked sobs filter from his mouth, tear droplets streaming down his face like falling rain.