I have needs
I did end up getting that Cupcake face stuff from Lush, which had the unintended consiquence of making me crave real cupcakes like you wouldn't even believe. So, I made cupcakes this afternoon, and that was a pretty decent success. I almost used rice instead of flour, but then I -- didn't, so that was good. Butter, sugar, and vanilla extract all whipped up together taste delicious, like a totally delicious thing, so that probably wasn't too good. (For my arteries.)
The point here is that I desperately need someone to write for me an AU where Panic are pirates. I don't even care how it goes. Maybe Spencer is the scary pirate captain and Brendon is the eager cabin boy. (I don't actually know what a cabin boy does, but hopefully it means person who spends a lot of time mopping the decks because he's scared he's going to get left at port sometime, so he wants to be sure to prove his worth, even though he can't actually use a sword. And then when the ship gets attacked, he accidentally ends up in battle and turns out to be all bouncy and fierce and stuff and he saves Captain Spencer The Scary Pirate. Spencer shows his gratitude by teaching Brendon to sword fight, and then they spend a lot of time practicing together in the hot sun, so sometimes they have to take off their shirts. Brendon doesn't know what to make of Spencer The Scary Pirate Captain, who has a soft belly and broad shoulders. And the pining and sweaty dirty sex and switching, and also soft kissing and Brendon becoming the second in command.)
Or if it's Brendon The Loud and Intimidating Pirate Captain who kidnaps Spencer: Virgin Hostage.
Okay, okay, or Spencer doesn't even have to be a virgin. He's just the hostage. And he's wearing soft white breeches and Brendon just meant to intimidate him a little bit, by taking him to his cabin and locking the door and stroking his thigh a little (what was Spencer doing with his hip cocked like that, anyway?), but then Spencer was all, 'Yeah, sure, why not,' and then he pushed all the maps off Brendon's wooden desk and bent Brendon over the desk. Brendon likes it even though he totally did not mean for things to go like that, but now he'd got this hostage and thank you very much for making things so awkward, Spencer. Brendon gets all mean and stuff trying to prove a point (he's the captain! he deserves respect!), and there is lots of UST and pining and sexy shame and stuff. Then maybe some of the crew members rough Spencer up a little bit and Brendon makes them walk the plank, and also says that Spencer is his, thanks, and Spencer starts sleeping in Brendon's cabin, and even more UST and pining. Until Brendon caves and finally asks for it. Then Spencer gets rescued and Brendon's all sad and stuff, but woot! At the eleventh hour Spencer comes back to the boat all on his own, and then he and Brendon spend a lot of time taking care of each other, because Spencer is still Brendon's, thanks, but also now Brendon isn't so worried about people knowing that he is Spencer's, too.
Or Spencer and Brendon The Co-Captain. Maybe they didn't want to be co-captains, but accidentally a canon fired from Brendon's ship and sunk Spencer's (Brendon was just checking on things, okay, he totally didn't mean to light the fuse), even though they had a truce, what the fuck, Brendon? And now they're both sharing Brendon's boat because Spencer can't attack people to get a new one with his shitty sunk boat. So he and Brendon work together and spend a whole lot of time bitching and snapping at each other and also planning attacks and winning a whole bunch of pirate battle things against ... other ships, I don't know how these things work. And then angry, annoyed, rough sex. Awkward rutting and angry blowjobs and Spencer coming on Brendon's face just to be a douche but Brendon actually liking it, and then Brendon biting Spencer really hard to be a douche but Spencer actually liking it. Then gradual truces, then falling in loooooooove then Spencer getting his own boat (which is much bigger and more awesome than his old one), and inviting Brendon to come and co-captain it with him! And they take turns fucking each other a lot.
Or I don't even caaaare I just want stories with pirates that are actually all about UST and then sex, and people coming to respect each other and also falling in love, and also I really want switching, and mostly I just want other people to write them, because I am tired of having to write all of the stupid embarrassing stories myself and because I promised myself that I wouldn't start another Spencer/Brendon au until I finished something less ridiculous, and most importantly I don't know a fucking thing about pirates except that Spencer would have freckles all of his face from being in the sun and he'd be pink most of the time, but Brendon would be all golden and tanned, and I want stories with switching!
The point here is that I desperately need someone to write for me an AU where Panic are pirates. I don't even care how it goes. Maybe Spencer is the scary pirate captain and Brendon is the eager cabin boy. (I don't actually know what a cabin boy does, but hopefully it means person who spends a lot of time mopping the decks because he's scared he's going to get left at port sometime, so he wants to be sure to prove his worth, even though he can't actually use a sword. And then when the ship gets attacked, he accidentally ends up in battle and turns out to be all bouncy and fierce and stuff and he saves Captain Spencer The Scary Pirate. Spencer shows his gratitude by teaching Brendon to sword fight, and then they spend a lot of time practicing together in the hot sun, so sometimes they have to take off their shirts. Brendon doesn't know what to make of Spencer The Scary Pirate Captain, who has a soft belly and broad shoulders. And the pining and sweaty dirty sex and switching, and also soft kissing and Brendon becoming the second in command.)
Or if it's Brendon The Loud and Intimidating Pirate Captain who kidnaps Spencer: Virgin Hostage.
Okay, okay, or Spencer doesn't even have to be a virgin. He's just the hostage. And he's wearing soft white breeches and Brendon just meant to intimidate him a little bit, by taking him to his cabin and locking the door and stroking his thigh a little (what was Spencer doing with his hip cocked like that, anyway?), but then Spencer was all, 'Yeah, sure, why not,' and then he pushed all the maps off Brendon's wooden desk and bent Brendon over the desk. Brendon likes it even though he totally did not mean for things to go like that, but now he'd got this hostage and thank you very much for making things so awkward, Spencer. Brendon gets all mean and stuff trying to prove a point (he's the captain! he deserves respect!), and there is lots of UST and pining and sexy shame and stuff. Then maybe some of the crew members rough Spencer up a little bit and Brendon makes them walk the plank, and also says that Spencer is his, thanks, and Spencer starts sleeping in Brendon's cabin, and even more UST and pining. Until Brendon caves and finally asks for it. Then Spencer gets rescued and Brendon's all sad and stuff, but woot! At the eleventh hour Spencer comes back to the boat all on his own, and then he and Brendon spend a lot of time taking care of each other, because Spencer is still Brendon's, thanks, but also now Brendon isn't so worried about people knowing that he is Spencer's, too.
Or Spencer and Brendon The Co-Captain. Maybe they didn't want to be co-captains, but accidentally a canon fired from Brendon's ship and sunk Spencer's (Brendon was just checking on things, okay, he totally didn't mean to light the fuse), even though they had a truce, what the fuck, Brendon? And now they're both sharing Brendon's boat because Spencer can't attack people to get a new one with his shitty sunk boat. So he and Brendon work together and spend a whole lot of time bitching and snapping at each other and also planning attacks and winning a whole bunch of pirate battle things against ... other ships, I don't know how these things work. And then angry, annoyed, rough sex. Awkward rutting and angry blowjobs and Spencer coming on Brendon's face just to be a douche but Brendon actually liking it, and then Brendon biting Spencer really hard to be a douche but Spencer actually liking it. Then gradual truces, then falling in loooooooove then Spencer getting his own boat (which is much bigger and more awesome than his old one), and inviting Brendon to come and co-captain it with him! And they take turns fucking each other a lot.
Or I don't even caaaare I just want stories with pirates that are actually all about UST and then sex, and people coming to respect each other and also falling in love, and also I really want switching, and mostly I just want other people to write them, because I am tired of having to write all of the stupid embarrassing stories myself and because I promised myself that I wouldn't start another Spencer/Brendon au until I finished something less ridiculous, and most importantly I don't know a fucking thing about pirates except that Spencer would have freckles all of his face from being in the sun and he'd be pink most of the time, but Brendon would be all golden and tanned, and I want stories with switching!