Simpler times.
Do you remember how love was in high school? When you lived with your parents and got to see your significant other at scheduled, designated periods throughout the day, and going over to his or her house was something special? It was so easy.
Now, with each new relationship, the ante is upped and each one is harder than the last. It's like, even though you fail at one, the bar is raised and you have to do better at the next, regardless of whether you learned from your mistakes in the past. Here, a stumble down memory lane, excluding ancillary participators.
N. High school. We were twinkies. He was a Mormon and we scoffed Mormon morals by making out in his bedroom to Carl Orff. We attempted to learn Dutch together and quoted The Simpsons daily. The only thing that broke us up was distance. I'll always regret moving to Houston.
D. 2001-2005. Harder, but in retrospect, it was a good relationship because it was the only one where I could truly just be myself - MYSELF at my most depraved, vicious, happy, passionate - and he loved me. No matter how hard we fought he loved me. We didn't fight often but when we did it was horrible. Through it all though, he loved me. Best of all, he let me be me, and so we were complimentary.
M. 2006-2007. Harder still. The ante was upped, sexually and emotionally. I always tend to put my boyfriend on a pedestal in the beginning and this is one of my problems because it makes it harder to find that comfort and familiarity level. But I did (after we broke up of course). I met the challenge and instead of the bar being raised on me, I raised that motherfucking bar myself.
M2. 2008-. Hhhh... the hardest relationship I've been in, thus proving my Bar Theory (if you will) correct. It's just so... difficult. He is convinced I'm a certain way and he doesn't even know the real me. No one can convince anyone of anything unless they themselves open up to it but he just won't. It remains to be seen whether things will change, I can exceed accounts received, and the bar will be hence obsolete forever and ever. And so it goes.
When I first met M2 (well, shortly after I suppose) I honestly thought this was it. He had all the components of N (intelligence, attraction, andwhathaveyou) but was updated into a sort of handy version 2.0 - politically like-minded and with a sort of nuance for sweet words when I need them the most.
Tonight I took Logan to Japon so his boyfriend Cody could surprise him. He drove for four hours from Dallas to surprise him. You should have seen the look on his face. It was so great. Cody called me the night before and recognized he was sort of putting Logan through the ringer in their relationship and wanted to do something to make it up. So I sat there, smiling, happy for them, and wished I too had a boyfriend who cared enough the way Cody does. I know it's impolite to compare people but allow me this small indiscretion, just for a moment. Allow me to feel sorry for myself, to listen to sad music, to wish for things that'll never be, to want someone who doesn't exist.
Or did, two months ago, when he used to say I was adorable.
Now, with each new relationship, the ante is upped and each one is harder than the last. It's like, even though you fail at one, the bar is raised and you have to do better at the next, regardless of whether you learned from your mistakes in the past. Here, a stumble down memory lane, excluding ancillary participators.
N. High school. We were twinkies. He was a Mormon and we scoffed Mormon morals by making out in his bedroom to Carl Orff. We attempted to learn Dutch together and quoted The Simpsons daily. The only thing that broke us up was distance. I'll always regret moving to Houston.
D. 2001-2005. Harder, but in retrospect, it was a good relationship because it was the only one where I could truly just be myself - MYSELF at my most depraved, vicious, happy, passionate - and he loved me. No matter how hard we fought he loved me. We didn't fight often but when we did it was horrible. Through it all though, he loved me. Best of all, he let me be me, and so we were complimentary.
M. 2006-2007. Harder still. The ante was upped, sexually and emotionally. I always tend to put my boyfriend on a pedestal in the beginning and this is one of my problems because it makes it harder to find that comfort and familiarity level. But I did (after we broke up of course). I met the challenge and instead of the bar being raised on me, I raised that motherfucking bar myself.
M2. 2008-. Hhhh... the hardest relationship I've been in, thus proving my Bar Theory (if you will) correct. It's just so... difficult. He is convinced I'm a certain way and he doesn't even know the real me. No one can convince anyone of anything unless they themselves open up to it but he just won't. It remains to be seen whether things will change, I can exceed accounts received, and the bar will be hence obsolete forever and ever. And so it goes.
When I first met M2 (well, shortly after I suppose) I honestly thought this was it. He had all the components of N (intelligence, attraction, andwhathaveyou) but was updated into a sort of handy version 2.0 - politically like-minded and with a sort of nuance for sweet words when I need them the most.
Tonight I took Logan to Japon so his boyfriend Cody could surprise him. He drove for four hours from Dallas to surprise him. You should have seen the look on his face. It was so great. Cody called me the night before and recognized he was sort of putting Logan through the ringer in their relationship and wanted to do something to make it up. So I sat there, smiling, happy for them, and wished I too had a boyfriend who cared enough the way Cody does. I know it's impolite to compare people but allow me this small indiscretion, just for a moment. Allow me to feel sorry for myself, to listen to sad music, to wish for things that'll never be, to want someone who doesn't exist.
Or did, two months ago, when he used to say I was adorable.