(no subject)

[dirtysnowbunnie]

I am back in my house, thank goodness... after a tree fell on it in the begining of september... we are finally back, the house still has a hole in it, and its always cold, but i love my bed and thats what i missed the most. Last night i was really upset b cuz my mom or dave threw out my birthday cards which had $300 in it, which i really could have used. so after i cried about that... i saw my "box"..the box with contains all notes from friends.. poems/songs that i have written... all of my feelings and thoughts are in that box.... so i opened it and read a lot of the stuff that was in there... mostly notes from wesley. i have the very first note that he ever game me.. which he gave to shamir to give to me in spanish class my freshman year... i remember i ran well maybe not ran but scampered.. haha i was walking very fast into the girls bathroom, and i read it and i was so happy i can't remember who i read it with, but i remember when it got to the end of the letter it said something like "i would like it if no1 saw this letter" and i said "oops.. too late" b cuz sum1 was in the bathroom with me... that was a great day i was so happy. so i read that.. i read two other notes that he gave me, and some other stuff...and it made me really sad, b cuz reading those notes brings me back to the way i felt, its pretty cool and scary at the same time, b cuz then i know that those emotions that i had for wesley are still there, and it was then that i realized that.... i don't think that those feelings are there for him, and that made me very sad, so i packed the box back up and put it in my closet (the part that is slowly becoming my desk) i also wrote out how i was feeling at that moment, and how i asked God to please send me someone to be with, b cuz i don't want ne thing serious b cuz im not in the mood for breaking hearts or getting mine broken... but i still want to be with someone, and i also said that it would be completely awesome if that person was wesley but i know that he is all the way in north carolina, and he will be going back to school and then he'll be saying "Taylor who?" which i don't think that it will be that much but pretty close. i think, i think about him every day.. here i am thinking about him again...i was thinking about him last night.. i didn't wake up thinkign about him.. i was watching ER... nope.. i did think about him while i was watching ER... kinda sad..i really need to get over this.. i don't think of ne of my other boyfriends that ive had.. but then again i didn't love them...i just need someone to take my mind off of everything.

well im going to go out and buy some blank CDs and lupe fiasco's food & liquor.. (i love it!).. and then i have to plan my halloween party dance class for my students this coming wednesday, im goign to have food and then i have to burn teh halloween CD.. and a whole bunch of stuff..

ill post again another time.. i think im leaving xanga and returning back to livejournal.