Waking In The Breakdown
Here is it. The first part in a monster of a fan fiction. I don't know how I've managed to get to this point. Hearing Goo Goo Dolls just sparked this intense inspiration in me, and I had to finish what I started. So, I'm being quite ambitious here, but Part II will come tomorrow - before afternoon. (I'm almost finished with it already. *grins*)
Title: Waking In The Breakdown
Rating: PG-13 (language!)
Status: 1 of 4 parts.
Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama
Pairing: Cappie/Casey
Summary: This picks up where Depth Perception left off. Missing scenes. The aftermath. This is only the beginning...of something monumental.
Waking In The Breakdown
Soundtrack: Goo Goo Dolls. (No, seriously. Their music is absolutely perfect for this fan fiction.)
PART I
Cappie really wasn’t sure what he was doing. But somehow, he found his mouth opening and the words pouring from his lips before he could stop himself.
“Rebecca!” he shouted, hoping to catch her attention.
She froze in place before spinning around, her hair whipping in her face. “Yeah?” she asked, a small trace of a smile lingering on her lips.
Cappie bit his lip and stared at her for a moment. They had spent so much time together, and he almost felt like they were on the same page. The whole research fiasco had put everything into a new light, and in that new light-Rebecca Logan wasn’t the spawn of Satan.
He hadn’t lied when he told her that she wasn’t as foul as he thought she was. In fact, she was kind of okay-maybe a little misguided, maybe a little neglected growing up, maybe a little torn between right and wrong. Still, beneath so many frosty layers, Cappie saw the one thing that everyone else failed to: warmth. Rebecca Logan was not the big, bad wolf. She was just a girl managing to get by the only way she knew how, and Cappie admired that. He admired it so much that he had to do something about it.
Shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other, Cappie looked up at Rebecca, flashing her his pearly white smile he (usually) reserved for seducing women. But strangely enough, he didn’t want to think about seducing Rebecca. He just wanted to think about Casey.
“Here.” He put the envelope in Rebecca’s palm. And then he sucked in a deep breath. There was a good chance he was asking a favor from the wrong girl, but that wasn’t going to stop him. He, oddly enough, had faith in her to come through for him. “Can you do me a favor?”
Rebecca laughed her hollow, elitist laugh. “A favor, Cappie? Why would I do you a favor-much less a favor that’ll make Casey fucking Cartwright happy?”
He gave a sheepish smile, unwilling to be affected from her words; he reminded himself that they were all surface layers. And with time and some gentle coaxing, he would slowly peel the layers away.
Rebecca laughed a high-pitched laugh that ended with a loud snort. “A favor? Why would I do you a favor-much less a favor that makes Casey happy?”
Cappie detected a hard, bitter edge in her tone, but he chose to ignore it. He wasn’t stupid; he knew damn well that Casey and Rebecca hated each other from the get-go. But he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere fast if he didn’t open himself up. Rebecca Logan wasn’t exactly interested in making friends but in making enemies.
He drew in a sharp, lung-crushing breath and went for it. “Maybe because I’m a guy in love whose trying to do right by the one I love.” He paused, preparing himself for a monumental speech, a speech that would out due all his mashed up, stolen lines from his favorite movies. “Maybe because I want to get my chance at happiness, my chance to redeem myself for all the shitty things I’ve done.”
Cappie swallowed nervously, refusing to meet Rebecca’s eyes. If he looked up, he knew that she’d be spitting venom. Instead, he focused all of his attention and energy on the ground.
“I admit, I have done and said some pretty screwed up things, but I am always honest and loyal to those who matter most to me. Rebecca, I want you to do this for me because I deserve the benefit of the doubt. I deserve a second chance. And I want you to do this for me because you want and deserve love just as much as I do.”
He prepared himself for vicious laughter, but was surprised to find none. Rebecca Logan was eerily silent, the corners of her eyes moist. “W-why Casey? I don’t understand why you went through all this research to bribe her with money. Are you really that desperate to steal her from Evan?”
Cappie’s face hardened. She had to bring up Evan at the worst possible moment. “Logan, the only one doing stealing around here is Chambers. Am I right?”
“Where did you hear that from?”
He chose to ignore her. “You were a virgin, weren’t you? And he got you drunk, turned on the charm, and got what he wanted. You don’t have to pretend. Evan isn’t going to be nominated to win any kind of award any time soon for gentlemanly behavior.”
Rebecca parted her lips. “It, it wasn’t like that,” she insisted, shaking her head vigorously. “You’re reading things that aren’t there, Cappie. And what does it matter if you’re right? It’s not any of your business anyway!”
“It isn’t,” Cappie admitted, “but it would be nice if you’d take it easy on Casey, too. She’s with Chambers and you hate Chambers with a burning passion. Show some compassion, Logan. She was bought by lies just like you were.”
She shrugged. “I’ll give her the envelope if that’s what you want. But don’t you dare think it changes anything. Casey and I, regardless of the fact that we are ZBZ’s, will never be sister’s.”
Cappie coughed awkwardly. “Right. So, you’ll give it to her, then?”
She let out a long sigh of defeat. “Fine, Cappie. But you owe me.”
“Logan, I was just settling a debt. She bailed me out. I’m paying her back. You really don’t have to make this into something more.”
Rebecca’s eyes widened. “So, what was tonight then?”
He paused. “Tonight was doing the right thing. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
Rebecca nodded, actually agreeing with his words. She held the envelope firm in her grip; she was not intent on letting Cappie down-not when he poured his heart and was completely honest. “The right thing?” she thought aloud. “Well, maybe I can do that…”
And without another word, the pair split paths-Cappie back to the Kappa Tau house-and Rebecca back to the Zeta Beta Zeta house. Once they reached their respective destinations, they knew that everything would never quite be the same again.
- - -
For the first time in her life, Casey Cartwright was torn between the safe thing to do and the right thing to do. And it was all over a note written in Cappie’s sloppy handwriting. He had to go all out and over the top to impress her. And it had worked. Albeit, she didn’t want to smile at the three hundred dollars peeking from the envelope, but it was just too damn hard not to.
Just when it looked like Cappie would never change or man up, he turned around and did the single-most admirable gesture, ever, in the history of forever. Cappie, although she was hesitant to admit, was an honorable guy with a heart of gold. It never really mattered how he got somewhere-just what he did when he got there.
He turned the simplest things into a rush instead of a boring, predictable tradition. See, Cappie was everything Casey needed but didn’t want. She had her wonderful (sometimes over time top)l boyfriend, Evan Chambers, at her side. He was her immediate future, her key to the kind of security she always longed for. Everything about Evan was proper and right but never reckless.
And sometimes Casey hated that too much. Evan was nearly perfect and way too conventional-so much to the point that he was transparent and mind numbingly boring. He was stable and safe; he had a ten-year plan, and he was always doing everything in his power to make sure that he succeeded.
But in all his perfections, Casey could only find flaws, little, tiny flaws that made her second-guess who Evan Chambers really was. He had stupidly and drunkenly slept with a pledge. Rebecca Logan. Her name was like acid burning Casey’s skin. All of these cataclysmic events were Rebecca’sfault. She had screwed up Casey’s alignment, sending her spiraling headfirst into her very anxious ex, an ex she couldn’t stop thinking about.
See, Casey knew damn well that she loved Cappie and the thought of him. But having a relationship was another thing. It hadn’t panned out the first time. What was to say that a second would be any different?
Everything was just a disaster. Casey could see herself with Evan in the future, but she didn’t want to be the slightest like his parents who were stuffy and involved in everything that could secure their status on the totem pole. They weren’t award-worthy parents. It was more about image than love, and Casey couldn’t deal with that.
It blurred everything. And for the second time in her life, Casey Cartwright had absolutely not idea what she was supposed to do. Something was going to have to give. The tension building up was ready to snap.
So, she retreated upstairs.
Maybe Ashleigh could help.
- - -
Casey stood in the threshold of her room, trembling slightly. Ashleigh was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed; Casey was more than grateful that she could only see her best friend’s back. It gave her time-time to prepare some kind of speech.
“Ash,” Casey whispered, her bottom lip trembling, “I, I really need you.”
Ashleigh dropped the fashion magazine she was reading. She spun around so face that it temporarily reduced Casey to intense waves of nausea. Ashleigh’s expression was one of bewilderment. It turned from a light, airy smile to one of utmost concern.
Placing her hands on her hips, Ashleigh got to her feet and gave her friend a once-over. She noted that Casey looked terrible in Evan’s oversized sweatpants. And even Evan’s old t-shirt looked hideous on her. Her hair looked as if it hadn’t been brushed all day, and deep, noticeable bags claimed residence under Casey’s bloodshot eyes.
Ashleigh could only wonder what happened in those fifteen minutes.
“Casey, what’s going on?”
In a flash, Ashleigh was at her best friend’s side. “What happened?” When she didn’t answer, Ashleigh put a hand on Casey’s shoulder and lowered her voice to a soft whisper, “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”
Casey couldn’t answer. Her vocal cords refused to let her. All she managed was a pathetic shake of her head, allowing the first of many sobs to escape from between her capped lips.
Ashleigh pulled Casey into a tight hug. They had gone through so much as Zeta Beta Zeta sisters and as friends. But Ashleigh couldn’t remember a time when her best friend was left in such heartbreaking, crumbling ruins.
“Case,” she whispered soothingly, “is everything okay?”
All Casey could muster was another weak headshake. No. Everything wasn’t okay. In fact, everything was far from okay. She was in love (she swore) with two men-complete and polar opposites, both offering Casey something wonderfully special and different. But no matter whom she chose or why, someone was going to get hurt, and putting either Cappie or Evan through the ringer was not what she wanted.
“It’s, it’s…” Casey trailed off. Unable to find the words, she shoved the envelope into Ashleigh’s hands. “It’s because of this.”
Ashleigh starred at the envelope. Her eyes darted back and forth between the envelope and Casey. “Is this a forbidden love note?” she asked eagerly. “I bet it is.”
Her attitude started to ease Casey’s rattled nerves, but she knew things wouldn’t stay that way for long.
Ashleigh tore the envelope open, reading the short note three or more times before she looked up with a know-it-all smirk on her face. Her smile grew wider when she spotted the countless bills stuffed in the envelope. Gasping, she dropped the envelope to the floor, money in hand.
“Cappie, I mean, he gave you three hundred dollars?”
Casey really didn’t know what to say to that. She settled for a head nod.
“And,” Ashleigh began, “I can’t believe he did that. Cappie’s got to be the most imperfect, perfect frat boy in the history of Kappa Tau.” She paused. “Yeah, he wouldn’t do that for just anyone, Case. I bet he did it because he’s still in love with you. After the guy does something demoralizing, he managed to more than make up for it. Goddamn, he’s full of surprises.”
Casey frowned, not sure how to take her friends words. “I thought you were on the Evan bandwagon?”
“Evan?” She shook her head. “No, Evan’s great. He’s perfect. He’s mellow. He loves you. But I don’t think you’ve given him your whole heart.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Cappie still has most of yours. He always will. And you need to do something-make a decision-before you lose everyone. Either way, you have to let one of them go, forever.”
A decision? Casey visibly paled. She was dealt one hell of an ultimatum.
“I can’t choose,” Casey broke down. “I can’t…because I love them both so fucking much. And it’s killing me.”
Ashleigh took that as her cue to wrap her arms around her best friend again. “Case, I know this sucks, but you have to do something.”
Casey knew Ashleigh was right. The more she held off, the worse the carnage would be. She was tired of being the accelerate that kept the fires going. She was tired of being wishy-washy with Evan and Cappie. And she was just damn tired of being in the middle.
It was time for a change.