(no subject)
(_) been drunk
(_) smoked pot
(_) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(X) crashed a friend's car
(X) been to japan
(_) ridden in a taxi
(x) had anal sex
(_) been in love
(_) had sex
(_) had sex in public
(_) been dumped
(_) shoplifted
(X) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
(X) had a threesome
(_) snuck out of my parent's house
(X) been tied up (sexually)
(_) been caught masturbating
(X) pissed on myself
(X) had sex with a member of the same sex
(_) been arrested
(X) made out with a stranger
(_) stole something from my job
(X) celebrated new years in time square
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(X) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to europe
(_) skipped school
(X) slept with a co-worker
(_) cut myself on purpose
(X) had sex at the office
(X) been married
(X) gotten divorced
(X) had children
(X) stripped at a party
(X) literally crawled to your house drunk, even if just from across the street
How to play: mark off all of the ones that you have never done with an "x".
There ya' go. Stolen from Lynzee's journal. Not a whole lot has been up, but I've been really fucking tired, and my body aches. Damned stress. My dad finally noticed my tongue piercing. (after two and a half weeks, long enough for it to heal.) He wasn't too happy, but oh well, it was funny. Evan and I had a more violent than old ladies playing game of badmitten it was exhillerating. lol. I feel like the only people who are real anymore are my family(immediate, not VIRGINIA OR MATT) and Evan, and Melinda. Pat's too wrapped up in all this stuff around him to take a big breath of reality, Sunshine's too busy taking a big breath of pot to be himself around me (as is Jamie, but I only care because he's a good kid that I don't want to see getting fucked, and it stresses out Melinda, and pisses me off that he uses him Mom's money to support his habit) Layne's busy with blaming her Mom for her physical/mental health, but seems to be doing MUCH MUCH better, (I'm truly so happy for her, for a long time she was a big black cloud of woe, agony, self-pity and indulgence but she's seemed to pull herself out of most of that.) I think, though, somewhat to explain my situation, and not make me look like a total hypocrite, the reason I'm assured that I'm not being fake, is that whenever I'm with Evan, or around him, I feel so much more like myself. I can be myself, I can be honest, I can be loved honestly and truly, no drugs to interfere with his attention or affection for me, not too busy to be honest and thoughtful, no one to blame for how he feels, or what happens to him other than himself, because he doesn't. He just assumes responsibility so graciously, without restraint, without complaint that I envy him. Why can I do that? Sometimes I have such a hard time admitting something's my fault, or that something happened as a result of my actions. Evan is so completely able to assume responsibility without the normal grumbles that everyday run of the mill people do. I'm not critisizing anyone, But his ability to do that amazes me. It seems that he's able to avoid so much inner tumult, and outward bitterness because he can just be straight forward. I want that. I want to do that, I want that special grace that he has to be so... I don't know, so completely amazing... I feel so lucky to just be in his presence and be inspired by his compassion, wisdom, and humility. He's so very humble, at times in an unhealthy way, but I have faith that he will seek and find resources to help that. Everyday that I have to breathe him in, and kiss his soft lips, and run my finger through his silky hair is a blessing I know I don't deserve. But it brings out the best in me. My desire to help others, my desire to work for goals, my desire to be honest with myself and others, the desired to become a better person, the desire to become a successful person, appreciation for my family, appreciation for people's kindness, he's opened my eyes to new concepts, new beauties in the world, new ways of tackling problems, he's been my shoulder to cry on, free of judgment, my mentor when I face a hard sitiation, and an unrealisticly good listener, who somehow has the ability to listen to all of my problems and opinions without passing judgement, or giving unneccessary/unwanted advice. He has this incredible ability to soothe me, and make me forget about my problems, and feel incredibly happy just to have him. I really could spend my whole life with him. I know I could. And I know the odds are against us, and I know that next to nobody is going to support us, but, to steal a line from a song by Tonic and alter the pronoun...
"If you could only see the way he loves me, maybe you would understand, why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do..."
(_) smoked pot
(_) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) kissed a member of the same sex
(X) crashed a friend's car
(X) been to japan
(_) ridden in a taxi
(x) had anal sex
(_) been in love
(_) had sex
(_) had sex in public
(_) been dumped
(_) shoplifted
(X) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight
(X) had a threesome
(_) snuck out of my parent's house
(X) been tied up (sexually)
(_) been caught masturbating
(X) pissed on myself
(X) had sex with a member of the same sex
(_) been arrested
(X) made out with a stranger
(_) stole something from my job
(X) celebrated new years in time square
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) had a crush on a teacher
(X) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(X) been to europe
(_) skipped school
(X) slept with a co-worker
(_) cut myself on purpose
(X) had sex at the office
(X) been married
(X) gotten divorced
(X) had children
(X) stripped at a party
(X) literally crawled to your house drunk, even if just from across the street
How to play: mark off all of the ones that you have never done with an "x".
There ya' go. Stolen from Lynzee's journal. Not a whole lot has been up, but I've been really fucking tired, and my body aches. Damned stress. My dad finally noticed my tongue piercing. (after two and a half weeks, long enough for it to heal.) He wasn't too happy, but oh well, it was funny. Evan and I had a more violent than old ladies playing game of badmitten it was exhillerating. lol. I feel like the only people who are real anymore are my family(immediate, not VIRGINIA OR MATT) and Evan, and Melinda. Pat's too wrapped up in all this stuff around him to take a big breath of reality, Sunshine's too busy taking a big breath of pot to be himself around me (as is Jamie, but I only care because he's a good kid that I don't want to see getting fucked, and it stresses out Melinda, and pisses me off that he uses him Mom's money to support his habit) Layne's busy with blaming her Mom for her physical/mental health, but seems to be doing MUCH MUCH better, (I'm truly so happy for her, for a long time she was a big black cloud of woe, agony, self-pity and indulgence but she's seemed to pull herself out of most of that.) I think, though, somewhat to explain my situation, and not make me look like a total hypocrite, the reason I'm assured that I'm not being fake, is that whenever I'm with Evan, or around him, I feel so much more like myself. I can be myself, I can be honest, I can be loved honestly and truly, no drugs to interfere with his attention or affection for me, not too busy to be honest and thoughtful, no one to blame for how he feels, or what happens to him other than himself, because he doesn't. He just assumes responsibility so graciously, without restraint, without complaint that I envy him. Why can I do that? Sometimes I have such a hard time admitting something's my fault, or that something happened as a result of my actions. Evan is so completely able to assume responsibility without the normal grumbles that everyday run of the mill people do. I'm not critisizing anyone, But his ability to do that amazes me. It seems that he's able to avoid so much inner tumult, and outward bitterness because he can just be straight forward. I want that. I want to do that, I want that special grace that he has to be so... I don't know, so completely amazing... I feel so lucky to just be in his presence and be inspired by his compassion, wisdom, and humility. He's so very humble, at times in an unhealthy way, but I have faith that he will seek and find resources to help that. Everyday that I have to breathe him in, and kiss his soft lips, and run my finger through his silky hair is a blessing I know I don't deserve. But it brings out the best in me. My desire to help others, my desire to work for goals, my desire to be honest with myself and others, the desired to become a better person, the desire to become a successful person, appreciation for my family, appreciation for people's kindness, he's opened my eyes to new concepts, new beauties in the world, new ways of tackling problems, he's been my shoulder to cry on, free of judgment, my mentor when I face a hard sitiation, and an unrealisticly good listener, who somehow has the ability to listen to all of my problems and opinions without passing judgement, or giving unneccessary/unwanted advice. He has this incredible ability to soothe me, and make me forget about my problems, and feel incredibly happy just to have him. I really could spend my whole life with him. I know I could. And I know the odds are against us, and I know that next to nobody is going to support us, but, to steal a line from a song by Tonic and alter the pronoun...
"If you could only see the way he loves me, maybe you would understand, why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do..."