depression is becoming a taboo
a myriad of mix emotions that i simply can not verbalize. why does it even feel guilty to voice out my sadness. That every time, im having the shittiest day and all i want to do is wallow in self misery. But i back-spaced. And back-spaced. Well it hurts like a bitch. Doesnt help that i cry to sleep everynight. My hands are shivering as i type this out.
Out of anger or out of pure sadness or maybe fear, i dont know. it feels like the word 'depression' is a taboo itself. Another bad word that makes you feel dirty saying it bcos you already know better that you shouldnt.
I'm confused. Yes, im a confused poor soul. with no sense of real identity. I swing from one personality to another in a mere 10 seconds. The difference between a bipolar patient and me is that he either laughs or cries. Only known two extremities. But me, i don't know. I fake my laugh, i fake my enthusiasm, i fake my confessions, my life is a fake. All that daddy and mummy issues, its not true. Its all fake. All the friends that i have, they're not real. All the men i slept with, they're all inside my head. Who would want to sleep with me anyways?
I'm not real. None of this is real.
Then maybe i start believing that the pain isnt real as well.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Out of anger or out of pure sadness or maybe fear, i dont know. it feels like the word 'depression' is a taboo itself. Another bad word that makes you feel dirty saying it bcos you already know better that you shouldnt.
I'm confused. Yes, im a confused poor soul. with no sense of real identity. I swing from one personality to another in a mere 10 seconds. The difference between a bipolar patient and me is that he either laughs or cries. Only known two extremities. But me, i don't know. I fake my laugh, i fake my enthusiasm, i fake my confessions, my life is a fake. All that daddy and mummy issues, its not true. Its all fake. All the friends that i have, they're not real. All the men i slept with, they're all inside my head. Who would want to sleep with me anyways?
I'm not real. None of this is real.
Then maybe i start believing that the pain isnt real as well.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.