A Long One, While You're Asleep
Well hey hey now! I fell asleep this evening around 6 pm and woke up around midnight and headed out and about, so I'm not tired like I ought to be at 4 am. Work sucked today and I was ready to go rock out...but everyone was busy. I need to get better at motivating myself to go out when no one else is able to go with me. I feel so much more comfortable when I go somewhere with other people. I guess I like the security of knowing at least one person. I should have just gone to the Pageant by myself. Instead I fell asleep. That said, I was dead-assed tired from work.
I don't know. I guess during the summer all the party people are out of town. Maybe that's it. I just have this desire to get out and about, go to concerts and even clubs. However, I am scared. I get very anxious about being in social situations I've never been in before. I guess I don't want to look like an idiot. I hate feeling like there are rules to a given scene that I don't know and that I'll just piss everyone off or do something stupid. I have never really been out to a club because I don't know what to do. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's a very real anxiety for me.
I want to be more social. I want to go out to bars and clubs and concerts. I'm just very scared. Maybe it's ridiculous and go ahead, make fun of me for it all you like. That's just what I'm afraid of. Maybe that's why I want to go to these places with another person - I have someone there to support me, to urge me forward. It's hard to be brave by yourself. When there's someone else, I don't want to let them down and I do want them to have fun. Forces me to be less socially terror-stricken.
This is why I try to go out of my way to make freshman feel comfortable at parties and backstage, I believe. I know how insanely scary it can be to be in a situation and not know the rules. Some people really thrive in that kind of environment, but I don't and I know others who don't either. I need to know that it's cool, I'm cool and that I'm welcome. I just wonder if someone who is so good at being a "people person" have any idea the gut churning, brain paralyzing fear that people like me go through anytime we're dropped into a new social situation. It's not so easy as "just getting over it."
The reason I went out so late tonite to celebrate an old friend's 21st birthday. She was a girl that I knew at Nerinx by the name of Sharon Sack. I've know the girl since she was but a young thing in high school; now she's nearly out of college. Thanks to the magic of the Facebook, she found my info and sent me a message. Like Mr. Robinson and Mr. Schoonover, she is also heading to the UK in the fall. It was nice to hang out with her and begin to catch up. We're meeting again over drinks Monday night at the Big Bang, so that should be fun.
Attending Thenhaus' graduation party for a little while. It starts at 4:30. Call the man up if you want to stop by. He'll give you directions.
I'm going to see a play put on by Clayton Community Theatre after that. The play is Arthur Kopit's Oh Dad, Poor Dad. Mamma's Hung You In the Closet and I'm So Sad. The play is supposed to be pretty funny. I'd tell you the time, but the website (obviously a volunteer effort) doesn't list the show times. However, I would imagine it's around 7 or 8. I'll call tomorrow afternoon. Anyone interested in going? It's a free ticket, and if you'd like we could get drinks, alcoholic or otherwise, post-show.
Finally, I have decided to focus on fashion more. This is not a project of vanity or attempting to gain wide social approval. I am going to try to update my sense of style in as an artistic statement. In particular, I'm looking, through my clothing, to express sort of a pop art sentiment. Something between 1979 Joe Strummer and 2001 David Bowie. Slightly rebellious, punk edge mixed with very stylish, formal clothing. The juxtaposition just seems delicious in my head. Hopefully the execution will work like I imagine. I could use some major help in this project, so your input is welcome.
I've written far too much for 4 in the morning. Happy birthday to Patrick "P-Dub" Wessel. I'm out for the night.
I don't know. I guess during the summer all the party people are out of town. Maybe that's it. I just have this desire to get out and about, go to concerts and even clubs. However, I am scared. I get very anxious about being in social situations I've never been in before. I guess I don't want to look like an idiot. I hate feeling like there are rules to a given scene that I don't know and that I'll just piss everyone off or do something stupid. I have never really been out to a club because I don't know what to do. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's a very real anxiety for me.
I want to be more social. I want to go out to bars and clubs and concerts. I'm just very scared. Maybe it's ridiculous and go ahead, make fun of me for it all you like. That's just what I'm afraid of. Maybe that's why I want to go to these places with another person - I have someone there to support me, to urge me forward. It's hard to be brave by yourself. When there's someone else, I don't want to let them down and I do want them to have fun. Forces me to be less socially terror-stricken.
This is why I try to go out of my way to make freshman feel comfortable at parties and backstage, I believe. I know how insanely scary it can be to be in a situation and not know the rules. Some people really thrive in that kind of environment, but I don't and I know others who don't either. I need to know that it's cool, I'm cool and that I'm welcome. I just wonder if someone who is so good at being a "people person" have any idea the gut churning, brain paralyzing fear that people like me go through anytime we're dropped into a new social situation. It's not so easy as "just getting over it."
The reason I went out so late tonite to celebrate an old friend's 21st birthday. She was a girl that I knew at Nerinx by the name of Sharon Sack. I've know the girl since she was but a young thing in high school; now she's nearly out of college. Thanks to the magic of the Facebook, she found my info and sent me a message. Like Mr. Robinson and Mr. Schoonover, she is also heading to the UK in the fall. It was nice to hang out with her and begin to catch up. We're meeting again over drinks Monday night at the Big Bang, so that should be fun.
Attending Thenhaus' graduation party for a little while. It starts at 4:30. Call the man up if you want to stop by. He'll give you directions.
I'm going to see a play put on by Clayton Community Theatre after that. The play is Arthur Kopit's Oh Dad, Poor Dad. Mamma's Hung You In the Closet and I'm So Sad. The play is supposed to be pretty funny. I'd tell you the time, but the website (obviously a volunteer effort) doesn't list the show times. However, I would imagine it's around 7 or 8. I'll call tomorrow afternoon. Anyone interested in going? It's a free ticket, and if you'd like we could get drinks, alcoholic or otherwise, post-show.
Finally, I have decided to focus on fashion more. This is not a project of vanity or attempting to gain wide social approval. I am going to try to update my sense of style in as an artistic statement. In particular, I'm looking, through my clothing, to express sort of a pop art sentiment. Something between 1979 Joe Strummer and 2001 David Bowie. Slightly rebellious, punk edge mixed with very stylish, formal clothing. The juxtaposition just seems delicious in my head. Hopefully the execution will work like I imagine. I could use some major help in this project, so your input is welcome.
I've written far too much for 4 in the morning. Happy birthday to Patrick "P-Dub" Wessel. I'm out for the night.