they pass me by without looking twice
MY DAY AT THE PARTY:
it was brendan's birthday & i was agitated because i had to sit around all day... i couldn't really go anywhere because i barely have 1/4 of a tank of gas in my car with no money to spair. i finally sold the last of my cd collection to paul for 20 bones & bought my own copy of LOST IN TRANSLATION because i couldn't wait. i know i shouldn't have, but i guess i'm looking for reasons to stay at home. i was talked into the nyabinghi tonight. annie & sarah paid for me & i didn't have to drive. i feel bad that i couldn't go out with brendan, but there was no way i could've driven out there. even if i did i'd be too tired to drive home.. just as well i had to make sure lenny got home okay, so i drove his car back to sharon.
I HAVE REASONS:
i opened up my voicemail this morning to find three drunken messages from ss. they were derived from a text i sent the other day that stated something about pushing people away that care about you. i guess he was offended, probably because he knows it's true. still i sat there at the bar with my three cups of water, looking like a fool, wanting to say that i hated him for being such a prick. i couldn't. "i f*cking hate caring about you, but i have reasons." i hate you. i hate you.
QUEER GUY FOR THE STRAIGHT EYE:
something about s.b.t.b. to shut you up. i only had one beer, but it just wasn't interesting.
--liner note---
i really don't read other people's journals.
--end note-----
I DON'T CARE ABOUT US:
sometimes i just want to walk away. loving anyone, let alone you, is very difficult right now. i feel like i need to be alone. i have my school & my plans that i will not let anyone deter me from. you're moving to new york. new york. i almost ask myself, "what's the point?" i usually know when to let go. you've dug yourself so deep into my life that i would have to make new friends to get away. i'm afraid of comfort. it's not that i don't like the idea of being with one person, i just don't like being one with a person. maybe your excuses are my excuse to leave, maybe i'm looking for a reason, maybe i'm just scared.
DATING & RELATING:
i've never made it past a 7 month mark without breaking up with someone, then later getting back together. the patterns are usually 1,3,& 7... chances are if you don't withstand 1 you are absolutely suck. 3 i had left because of another person or because i was feeling closturephobic. 7 because i'm just plain scared. i have a huge fear of commitment.
(I hate all the new people at nya)
it was brendan's birthday & i was agitated because i had to sit around all day... i couldn't really go anywhere because i barely have 1/4 of a tank of gas in my car with no money to spair. i finally sold the last of my cd collection to paul for 20 bones & bought my own copy of LOST IN TRANSLATION because i couldn't wait. i know i shouldn't have, but i guess i'm looking for reasons to stay at home. i was talked into the nyabinghi tonight. annie & sarah paid for me & i didn't have to drive. i feel bad that i couldn't go out with brendan, but there was no way i could've driven out there. even if i did i'd be too tired to drive home.. just as well i had to make sure lenny got home okay, so i drove his car back to sharon.
I HAVE REASONS:
i opened up my voicemail this morning to find three drunken messages from ss. they were derived from a text i sent the other day that stated something about pushing people away that care about you. i guess he was offended, probably because he knows it's true. still i sat there at the bar with my three cups of water, looking like a fool, wanting to say that i hated him for being such a prick. i couldn't. "i f*cking hate caring about you, but i have reasons." i hate you. i hate you.
QUEER GUY FOR THE STRAIGHT EYE:
something about s.b.t.b. to shut you up. i only had one beer, but it just wasn't interesting.
--liner note---
i really don't read other people's journals.
--end note-----
I DON'T CARE ABOUT US:
sometimes i just want to walk away. loving anyone, let alone you, is very difficult right now. i feel like i need to be alone. i have my school & my plans that i will not let anyone deter me from. you're moving to new york. new york. i almost ask myself, "what's the point?" i usually know when to let go. you've dug yourself so deep into my life that i would have to make new friends to get away. i'm afraid of comfort. it's not that i don't like the idea of being with one person, i just don't like being one with a person. maybe your excuses are my excuse to leave, maybe i'm looking for a reason, maybe i'm just scared.
DATING & RELATING:
i've never made it past a 7 month mark without breaking up with someone, then later getting back together. the patterns are usually 1,3,& 7... chances are if you don't withstand 1 you are absolutely suck. 3 i had left because of another person or because i was feeling closturephobic. 7 because i'm just plain scared. i have a huge fear of commitment.
(I hate all the new people at nya)