last time i saw you we just split in 2. you was lookin at me, i was lookin at u.
NICE TO SEE ME AGAIN:
the more time i spend alone the more it seems i feel like myself again. it's been about 3 days of solitude, excluding a jesus day at the movies with the saturday saviour. i have been spending a lot of time in flea markets & antique shops, listeing to the johnny k show on a.m. radio (he said to go to BOOKNSMOKE & get carmel coffee & see LOSTINTRANSLATION), burying my mind as deep as the 1930's. i've been enjoying my little expedition so far into my mind that everything but school has disappeared.
ANYTHING BUT KETCHUP:
i found brendan's birthday present after all the searching. not-bob had a few, but they needed some work, he wanted close to a hundred for each luckily i found a really good one that just needed 3 pieces & a re-vamp. i've put so much time & effort into this i can only hope he likes it.
I WANT A BOYFRIEND, NOT A ROCK STAR:
i'm really worried about our relationship. between the vacancy & the saturday saviour a bit of tension has formed on my part. i feel as though brendan is worried that it's more than just two people talking about movies. the thing that he doesn't understand is that when we're in 'the bat cave' there is an understanding. ss and i are so much alike as far as relationships are concerned we're practically incompatible aside from our taste in books/film/music. the only reason this tension has appeared in the past few days is because i've been professing my 'lack of' to ss & so has he. we're both really insecure & relationships are a hit-n-miss & the truth is i like talking to someone who feels there's such a thing as 'too much of not enough'. i'm worried that brendan is thinking about what had happened last year when i was with terry, when he neglected me, but i've told him that ship has sailed. i have doubts that emotions for ss will ever surface again because i won't live in the past. we had a good past and by the way, you can never go home again.
RELATIONGRIFT:
it's just been really hard to love, to be around people, to function in a relationship/friendship. i think the only people i care for at the moment are just pictures on my wall, black & white, completely unattainable. i guess i look at it as though i cannot get hurt by these things. no social interaction is involved; only segments of my imagination. my anxiety is at an all-time low because of my lack of public intake. i like going out on my own because i navigate where i am, how long i'm there, etc. (i know i'm a control freak), but it's putting a major strain on my personal relationships/making the relationship with my parents better/helping me focus on school.
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WHAT I WANT OUT OF MY LIFE:
1. aol instant messenger
2. brandon foley
3. any marx brothers movie made after 1939
4. snow
5. lack of money
6. the beatles
7. f.m. rock station cd104 because all they play is gunsnroses
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QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Is giovanni ribisi with sofia coppola like the chloe/harmony thing?
--------------------------------
FALIURE OF THE WEEK:
My one goal was to try the 'new' chicken mcnuggets. i didn't get there.
--------------------------------
PERSONAL QUOTE:
"I want a boyfriend not a rock star. But in this day & age they're both captivated for minimal amounts of time; the 10 minutes it takes for them to blow in your mouth. I'd know because I'm an ex-indie mag columnist."
--------------------------------
...i still taste you in my mouth
the more time i spend alone the more it seems i feel like myself again. it's been about 3 days of solitude, excluding a jesus day at the movies with the saturday saviour. i have been spending a lot of time in flea markets & antique shops, listeing to the johnny k show on a.m. radio (he said to go to BOOKNSMOKE & get carmel coffee & see LOSTINTRANSLATION), burying my mind as deep as the 1930's. i've been enjoying my little expedition so far into my mind that everything but school has disappeared.
ANYTHING BUT KETCHUP:
i found brendan's birthday present after all the searching. not-bob had a few, but they needed some work, he wanted close to a hundred for each luckily i found a really good one that just needed 3 pieces & a re-vamp. i've put so much time & effort into this i can only hope he likes it.
I WANT A BOYFRIEND, NOT A ROCK STAR:
i'm really worried about our relationship. between the vacancy & the saturday saviour a bit of tension has formed on my part. i feel as though brendan is worried that it's more than just two people talking about movies. the thing that he doesn't understand is that when we're in 'the bat cave' there is an understanding. ss and i are so much alike as far as relationships are concerned we're practically incompatible aside from our taste in books/film/music. the only reason this tension has appeared in the past few days is because i've been professing my 'lack of' to ss & so has he. we're both really insecure & relationships are a hit-n-miss & the truth is i like talking to someone who feels there's such a thing as 'too much of not enough'. i'm worried that brendan is thinking about what had happened last year when i was with terry, when he neglected me, but i've told him that ship has sailed. i have doubts that emotions for ss will ever surface again because i won't live in the past. we had a good past and by the way, you can never go home again.
RELATIONGRIFT:
it's just been really hard to love, to be around people, to function in a relationship/friendship. i think the only people i care for at the moment are just pictures on my wall, black & white, completely unattainable. i guess i look at it as though i cannot get hurt by these things. no social interaction is involved; only segments of my imagination. my anxiety is at an all-time low because of my lack of public intake. i like going out on my own because i navigate where i am, how long i'm there, etc. (i know i'm a control freak), but it's putting a major strain on my personal relationships/making the relationship with my parents better/helping me focus on school.
--------------------------------
WHAT I WANT OUT OF MY LIFE:
1. aol instant messenger
2. brandon foley
3. any marx brothers movie made after 1939
4. snow
5. lack of money
6. the beatles
7. f.m. rock station cd104 because all they play is gunsnroses
--------------------------------
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Is giovanni ribisi with sofia coppola like the chloe/harmony thing?
--------------------------------
FALIURE OF THE WEEK:
My one goal was to try the 'new' chicken mcnuggets. i didn't get there.
--------------------------------
PERSONAL QUOTE:
"I want a boyfriend not a rock star. But in this day & age they're both captivated for minimal amounts of time; the 10 minutes it takes for them to blow in your mouth. I'd know because I'm an ex-indie mag columnist."
--------------------------------
...i still taste you in my mouth