You kissed my lips and then you take my breath away.
Today could have possibly been the worst day EVER. Its a long story but if your truly interested, just ask. I don't want everyone to know so like I said, just ask. Anyways... Im being 100% serious. Like... I got up and went to dance class. And then I came home and then when my mom got home things just got all fucked up. I messed up :( I just want to tell her that Im sorry. I keep hurting my parents over and over and over. Why cant I just stop? Why cant I just be what they want? Wht is that so hard for me? First it was sex. Now its what it is? AHHHH!!!!
Right now... I could use a boyfriend. A "significant other". Just someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. Someone to just be there for me and help me get through this. But I just cant find anyone. Either I find them and they arent interested or its vice versa. I cant find one that meets my needs. They always seem to have one thing about them that I just dont like. And I just sit there and think about them. Because I dont want to look past them cause that gives me a reason not to want them. But really... Im just scared. Im scared of letting go. Just being myself and letting someone totally except me for that. Its scary. But I just wish I could find someone that I could talk to and open up to. Someone that wont let me be scared.
My perfect guy:
Smart, nice, funny, semily good looking (well he has to have an appearence that I am attracted to. weather or not hes cute), I need to be able to trust him. a good sence of humor. I must be able to take him to meet my parents and bring him around the house. Ne cant be affraid to touch me but I dont want him all over me all the time. Ok this might seem a little funny but he needs to be romantic. Not like crazy annoying romantic but... well I dont know how to explain it. Ok... he MUST be able to play guitar and sing. Ive always wanted a guy to sing to me. Tommie used to rap to me and he wrote a song about me but if a guy could just sit there and play his acoustic guitar and sing me some Dashboard Confessionals (or anything for that matter) he would win my heart over like that ::snaps:: I like a guy who doesnt give a fuck what anyone else thinks about him. Someone who is sensitve and caring and likes to cuddle. They have to be outgoing...not shy. I hate that. they would have similar interests in music. Someone who would have fun just hanging out doing nothing. I hate guys who get jealous too easily and I hate guys that are so clingy. I mean its nice to spend a lot of time with your bf but too much time togther can cause you to get annoyed of each other. As for looks... Guys that are taller than me are nice but I can live without height. I like guys usually with dark hair and light eyes but I dont really have any look that Im going for. Just not like goth
So yeah... that was probably a waist of time cause no ones going to read this but maybe my "perfect guy" will. And we will fall madly in love. Haha... with my luck thats not gonna happen.
Well I have to go. Thats enough updating.
Here's to the night.
<3 Megan