(no subject)
I've never loved anyone in my whole life.
At least not romantically.
Except for a thousand unrequited crushes that I managed to fuck up and ruin. A thousand Peters and assorted other Jews who liked me and then didn't. I cried over them. I cry over everything, including silly movies and songs and thinking about my dog getting hit by a car. I cried over them and thought the world would stop spinning for my poor, sad, tortured soul. But it never did.
Only one boy has ever said I love you to me. He typed it over the internet the summer before 10th grade, and though before that I thought he was cool and fun, after that things were weird and awkward and I didn't go see Rent with him, even though I wanted to.
But I find myself wanting to text him to say i love you. The words want to come out of my mouth at random times. In the middle of a kiss I can feel them coming up, and I drown them out. He says I love you. He even says it sober now. I'm just scared.
He sent me a text last night, after I went to sleep.
"By the way. i missed you."
And I knew I loved him, cause I missed him too.
At least not romantically.
Except for a thousand unrequited crushes that I managed to fuck up and ruin. A thousand Peters and assorted other Jews who liked me and then didn't. I cried over them. I cry over everything, including silly movies and songs and thinking about my dog getting hit by a car. I cried over them and thought the world would stop spinning for my poor, sad, tortured soul. But it never did.
Only one boy has ever said I love you to me. He typed it over the internet the summer before 10th grade, and though before that I thought he was cool and fun, after that things were weird and awkward and I didn't go see Rent with him, even though I wanted to.
But I find myself wanting to text him to say i love you. The words want to come out of my mouth at random times. In the middle of a kiss I can feel them coming up, and I drown them out. He says I love you. He even says it sober now. I'm just scared.
He sent me a text last night, after I went to sleep.
"By the way. i missed you."
And I knew I loved him, cause I missed him too.