As the Days Get Longer and Longer
Everyday seemed like a call in sick morning. Struggling to throw the covers off of the bed, to even get dressed. I couldn't seem to find a muse, any motivation at all. I didn't even want to come back to this place, it just made everything all the more depressing.
Honestly I had a lot of thinking to do, some figuring out here and there, some planning. Anything that would put me on a page I could comprehend. And maybe now, temporarily, I figured out something to satisfy me momentarily. New changes don't scare me anymore. Pulling away from you doesn't scare me anymore. Not knowing everything doesn't scare me anymore. Instead, I to an extent I can say that I look forward to moving there, leaving behind all this that has me so bound. I hate looking outside, because all I see are the reminents of the two people who were once in love and all the times they were together over there. There under the streetlamp. And over there by that tree blossoming with cherry blossoms. And that stop sign. Even down that bike trail. Sitting on the porch steps.
And for some reason everytime I do come home, I feel as if I'm simply a stranger. New location, different scenery its all I need. I can find refuge there, beneath the starry nights and open fields. Maybe then I won't feel suffocated from these memories that peer at me from every direction.
Whats puzzling is that at this point, my level of interest, any motivation or purpose at all has been completely lost. Whats the use in trying at school, what does college even hold. Why am I even partaking in this rat race to look like the best breed. The future to me is blank. Like one of those moments where you feel like you're stuck in the wrong place. That your whole life is being played out, and you're in someone else's role. And its not rightfully yours, or in the least what you want to do. Ask me right now, and I promise you that I wouldn't be here otherwise. I want to let my spirit roam free down some highway, a camera in my hand, a companion besides me and a bounty of possibilities ahead of me. Its the life thats not mine. It won't ever be mine, and thats about it. I can't change many things, this included. I want to go to college, but not for something I know I have to do, but something I want to be involved in. So yeah, for the moment Im caught up in a whirlwind of events and theres not much I can do to change their course. Lost without a purpose. Oh Albert Camus teach me your ways!
Honestly I had a lot of thinking to do, some figuring out here and there, some planning. Anything that would put me on a page I could comprehend. And maybe now, temporarily, I figured out something to satisfy me momentarily. New changes don't scare me anymore. Pulling away from you doesn't scare me anymore. Not knowing everything doesn't scare me anymore. Instead, I to an extent I can say that I look forward to moving there, leaving behind all this that has me so bound. I hate looking outside, because all I see are the reminents of the two people who were once in love and all the times they were together over there. There under the streetlamp. And over there by that tree blossoming with cherry blossoms. And that stop sign. Even down that bike trail. Sitting on the porch steps.
And for some reason everytime I do come home, I feel as if I'm simply a stranger. New location, different scenery its all I need. I can find refuge there, beneath the starry nights and open fields. Maybe then I won't feel suffocated from these memories that peer at me from every direction.
Whats puzzling is that at this point, my level of interest, any motivation or purpose at all has been completely lost. Whats the use in trying at school, what does college even hold. Why am I even partaking in this rat race to look like the best breed. The future to me is blank. Like one of those moments where you feel like you're stuck in the wrong place. That your whole life is being played out, and you're in someone else's role. And its not rightfully yours, or in the least what you want to do. Ask me right now, and I promise you that I wouldn't be here otherwise. I want to let my spirit roam free down some highway, a camera in my hand, a companion besides me and a bounty of possibilities ahead of me. Its the life thats not mine. It won't ever be mine, and thats about it. I can't change many things, this included. I want to go to college, but not for something I know I have to do, but something I want to be involved in. So yeah, for the moment Im caught up in a whirlwind of events and theres not much I can do to change their course. Lost without a purpose. Oh Albert Camus teach me your ways!