(no subject)
Lately everything's been so up and down, so confusing. Things haven't worked out the way I'd hoped. That's okay. Things maybe were never the way I thought they were, and that's okay too. For the first time, I didn't think. I didn't think about the possibility of getting hurt, hoping that it would prevent it. It didn't, and even that's okay. I'm really okay, but something's different about it. My biggest fear in life has never been of being alone, or of getting hurt, it's of letting the person for me go. Not fighting. Watching them walk away. And this might not be it. But I have a feeling deep down that, what if it is? We never gave it a real shot, and I wish that I wasn't the only one that wanted that shot. But I'm okay.
I am, however, lonely. I hate that feeling. It's not that I'm unhappy with myself, or that I'm insecure and feel that I need someone to love me to feel worthwhile. But I'm the kind of person that loves the feeling of someone beside me. Someone to cuddle with, and to lean on. A source of warmth and security. I love that feeling.
Anyways, I thought I'd let ya'll know how I'm doing, what I'm thinking.
Also, if anyone has any incredibly upbeat, girly, fun songs (ie. "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne, "Bubble Pop Electric" by Gwen Stefani) I'd like to hear them. Thanks!