cannibals won't eat me now, i have too many carbs! one phobia down, a bazillion to go
okay, before i go into this tear, let me say this much. this morning, i was being honest and blunt with my grandma about my situation as a carbon based life form...she told me, i was being silly. i didnt thing i had feeling left to get hurt, but appearently she found the last one i had. see, i am rarely honest with granma, because she never really tells me anything about anybody. i am always left to guess. when she had cancer, i was the last one to know. the whole fucking family knew before i did. shit, her hair was half way out from chemo before i did figure it out on my own, then (sigh) well anyway, that pretty much sums up about how my family treats me, im sure its my fault on some level...it always is. but anyway, i dont really care if anyone tells me to stop being emo in this post, or tells me im silly, beacause i have removed the part of my brain that cares... well just for this post anyway.
dan's wish i did this before i die list
okay.
one
just once i wanted to have a girl honestly love me. thats it. not because of my art, or anything...just because she does. i think just a week and id be set on that. now if i could just find a prostitue i could rent for a week...or a good actress...
two
swim in both oceans. then take all of the sand out of my swim trunks and make a little sand castle...yeah...
three
to not be a spectator in my brothers life. i dont know...just have a feeling...like im watching, but i cant touch...he's the only reason i ever keep coming back to this horrid place before falling on my own sword...shit i dont even know how to try anymore...
four
piss on jim morrisons grave and say "you never did anything to contribute to art, jackass!" then be killed by a bunch of people who think i just commited sacrilige
five
not really a "before i die" wish, but i wonder if re-incarnation is instantainious, or is there a waiting period?
six
to see the lexx series, beginning to end, complete with smoke breaks and the ocassional shit session... (oh bunny...how i miss thee)
seven
to know my death would change one life forever...preferably my exes...and in very bad ways...(which brings to mind a curse i put on one inparticular...i threatend to haunt her by standing over her bed, just after an extra hot frag session with some random slime puppy, and swing a dead donkey over my head, with a spastic colon full of slurpee mix...much like a disturbing ceiling fan...)
eight
to have a kolotchie with a beer.
nine
i always wanted to accept an award for some random star-person, and intead of the speech they had prepared... i would just yell real loud... "MOTHER FUCKER"
ten
when i die, i want someone to pin a note on me that states "JOHN CLEESE DID IT"
eleven
okay this one has a bit of a back story... you see, in my granmas home, the fat cat piglet will take a monster shit in the adjacent litter box while you try to make a meal. so my wish is... i want to eat a time realese alka seltzer with a shit ton of deviled eggs and rancid cheese, then when that damn cat goes to eat his food, i take an exposive shit on his head...god its too funny to finish, let's just say the visual is very fucking funny...
twelve
to appear on the daily show, and tell the world the only contribution to mankind i have ever done was to shit on my cat...
thirteen
to meet the chick from evanesence, and tell her i turned down a hot date to watch her on cartoon network...
then promptly die, because i think i would attract all of the horrid luck every loser gains over thier entire life...and my head would explode...
so there...my list for this week, day, whatever...
oh yes...eviltekno has graciously let me use his system to escape the evil of "under the granmas table"...so maybe i'll postpone my death for another week or so, until he grows weary of me... hahahahahahahaha...cough...choke...sigh...
one more note...
for those who wish me to send a letter or two your way...ask, and i shall send my street adress... i love sending my unique letter art out...its one of my few joys in life...so have a day my happy net people...
dan's wish i did this before i die list
okay.
one
just once i wanted to have a girl honestly love me. thats it. not because of my art, or anything...just because she does. i think just a week and id be set on that. now if i could just find a prostitue i could rent for a week...or a good actress...
two
swim in both oceans. then take all of the sand out of my swim trunks and make a little sand castle...yeah...
three
to not be a spectator in my brothers life. i dont know...just have a feeling...like im watching, but i cant touch...he's the only reason i ever keep coming back to this horrid place before falling on my own sword...shit i dont even know how to try anymore...
four
piss on jim morrisons grave and say "you never did anything to contribute to art, jackass!" then be killed by a bunch of people who think i just commited sacrilige
five
not really a "before i die" wish, but i wonder if re-incarnation is instantainious, or is there a waiting period?
six
to see the lexx series, beginning to end, complete with smoke breaks and the ocassional shit session... (oh bunny...how i miss thee)
seven
to know my death would change one life forever...preferably my exes...and in very bad ways...(which brings to mind a curse i put on one inparticular...i threatend to haunt her by standing over her bed, just after an extra hot frag session with some random slime puppy, and swing a dead donkey over my head, with a spastic colon full of slurpee mix...much like a disturbing ceiling fan...)
eight
to have a kolotchie with a beer.
nine
i always wanted to accept an award for some random star-person, and intead of the speech they had prepared... i would just yell real loud... "MOTHER FUCKER"
ten
when i die, i want someone to pin a note on me that states "JOHN CLEESE DID IT"
eleven
okay this one has a bit of a back story... you see, in my granmas home, the fat cat piglet will take a monster shit in the adjacent litter box while you try to make a meal. so my wish is... i want to eat a time realese alka seltzer with a shit ton of deviled eggs and rancid cheese, then when that damn cat goes to eat his food, i take an exposive shit on his head...god its too funny to finish, let's just say the visual is very fucking funny...
twelve
to appear on the daily show, and tell the world the only contribution to mankind i have ever done was to shit on my cat...
thirteen
to meet the chick from evanesence, and tell her i turned down a hot date to watch her on cartoon network...
then promptly die, because i think i would attract all of the horrid luck every loser gains over thier entire life...and my head would explode...
so there...my list for this week, day, whatever...
oh yes...eviltekno has graciously let me use his system to escape the evil of "under the granmas table"...so maybe i'll postpone my death for another week or so, until he grows weary of me... hahahahahahahaha...cough...choke...sigh...
one more note...
for those who wish me to send a letter or two your way...ask, and i shall send my street adress... i love sending my unique letter art out...its one of my few joys in life...so have a day my happy net people...