dear livejournal, I missed you.

[dirt_on_deja]

Coming home from my little new life/old life/same ol’life getaway is still making me think. Two things I can’t get over. My house, I love my little gypsy hideaway. My favorite part of my day is when I wake up in the morning and the sun is shining through my windows from the East, sun rays past my little Buddha and bamboo on the window, illuminating my whole vaulted ceiling with the big logs running across. Going outside with my coffee cup in hand and dogs in tow and realizing that I’m completely surrounded by trees and no one will even notice me and what I may not be wearing unless they are sitting in my driveway. I love this place…it makes me happy…I mean I think I’m happy here, how could someone not be? I’ve moved 15 times in my 24 years of life…I used to stay away from furniture only because it was harder to pick up and leave if you need to move more than a truckload. But for some reason I keep thinking about where I’m going to live in the spring, how I’m going to drive to work from out there in the winter, how I LOATHE winter driving, how maybe I won’t spend winter in Alberta but maybe work down south and stay in AZ, how I’m going to get to school every month in BC if I’m not living here, how what the hell? Can I commit to anything? Can I stay still? Can I feel happy and satisfied with where I am in my life and who I am living my life. When do the questions get answered?

I can’t tell if I’m living two lives…the one where I’m flighty, flakey and can’t decide where or what to eat for dinner and the other life where I’m completely grounded, was born 30, not afraid of anything, and can make any decision as long as it’s life altering.

Who the fo am I?

Opinions are welcome.