i miss you.
we sat in your bedroom at your parents house, watching the warriors and talking about the trains like nothing ever happened
like we haven't spent the last 6 months living our mutual life vicariously through prepaid envelopes and plexiglass
you said, you look sexy as hell with a cigarette in your mouth
and i smirked, too bad your all celebate now eh?
i don't know what all you put in that shit, some cayenne pepper and seasoning salt and ramen flavoring shit and taco seasoning, baked beans and leftover kfc, but somehow it worked out well enough to totally kick my tastebuds' asses. even though my brain was on fire and i only ate half the bowl, i did like it. i promise.
i missed you something fierce while you were gone, missed listening to shitty ass rave music and laying on our stomachs on someones bedroom floor eating one of those jumbo bags of peanut m&ms. peanut m&ms are kind of our thing. i feel like we have a lot of those. "things," that is. peanut m&ms, train yards, that bridge in NYC, burger king, boise, marbs, peaches [the singer, not the food], cracktorrent, 7-11... i could probably go on all day. and that, i'm NOT exaggerating on. we really do have a lot of 'us' "things", if you know what i'm saying. so much fucking historys been made in the last 3 years.
enter you, in a towel and nothing else, dripping wet: its okay mom, we've like, lived together and totally seen-
exit your mother, hands over her ears, eyes screwed shut: LALALALALALA i don't want to knowww
pan left to me, laying on your bed laughing hysterically.
i'll stay in this hole of a state for you. as i sat there cross-legged, we were listening to MIA and i was talking about how i needed to get back to the city and you said
you can't.
i asked you why not? i love the city. the northwest makes me all depressed in the winter.
don't leave me. you said, almost too quietly.
i wouldn't, you know. even though you left me. now that you're back, i would put my life on hold for you, because my days aren't as bright without you in them. its like having my other half re-attatched. being without you was like being without my right arm, without my siamese twin or something.
i skipped around like an idiot on crack when i heard your voice on the phone, and i still feel like a kid on christmas morning.
after i left your house to head back to mine, i met a woman on the ferry. she seemed so happy. she told me about her failed marriage that led her away from bellingham and down to salem, about her sister in bremerton, and about her husband of 16 years, who she still glows about. i could see it in her eyes. not the eyes of a 50-something woman with a tired old marriage with a husband she's bored of, but the eyes of a young woman who just discovered joy, who just found her prince after kissing her fair share of frogs.
she said to me,
never give up. he'll be there before you even notice him. he's probably right under your nose. my prince was. we were best friends for years, and then one day he kissed me. we're still together, and i love him more every day. so don't give up. one day you'll just see him, you know?
you took my face in your hands and said,
don't be jealous. i ditched a bunch of plans for you. i'll be up to see you in like 3 days. don't be sad. i'll miss you too, but don't be jealous. i'd rather just stay in this house and never leave, and have you never leave either. i don't want you to go.
like we haven't spent the last 6 months living our mutual life vicariously through prepaid envelopes and plexiglass
you said, you look sexy as hell with a cigarette in your mouth
and i smirked, too bad your all celebate now eh?
i don't know what all you put in that shit, some cayenne pepper and seasoning salt and ramen flavoring shit and taco seasoning, baked beans and leftover kfc, but somehow it worked out well enough to totally kick my tastebuds' asses. even though my brain was on fire and i only ate half the bowl, i did like it. i promise.
i missed you something fierce while you were gone, missed listening to shitty ass rave music and laying on our stomachs on someones bedroom floor eating one of those jumbo bags of peanut m&ms. peanut m&ms are kind of our thing. i feel like we have a lot of those. "things," that is. peanut m&ms, train yards, that bridge in NYC, burger king, boise, marbs, peaches [the singer, not the food], cracktorrent, 7-11... i could probably go on all day. and that, i'm NOT exaggerating on. we really do have a lot of 'us' "things", if you know what i'm saying. so much fucking historys been made in the last 3 years.
enter you, in a towel and nothing else, dripping wet: its okay mom, we've like, lived together and totally seen-
exit your mother, hands over her ears, eyes screwed shut: LALALALALALA i don't want to knowww
pan left to me, laying on your bed laughing hysterically.
i'll stay in this hole of a state for you. as i sat there cross-legged, we were listening to MIA and i was talking about how i needed to get back to the city and you said
you can't.
i asked you why not? i love the city. the northwest makes me all depressed in the winter.
don't leave me. you said, almost too quietly.
i wouldn't, you know. even though you left me. now that you're back, i would put my life on hold for you, because my days aren't as bright without you in them. its like having my other half re-attatched. being without you was like being without my right arm, without my siamese twin or something.
i skipped around like an idiot on crack when i heard your voice on the phone, and i still feel like a kid on christmas morning.
after i left your house to head back to mine, i met a woman on the ferry. she seemed so happy. she told me about her failed marriage that led her away from bellingham and down to salem, about her sister in bremerton, and about her husband of 16 years, who she still glows about. i could see it in her eyes. not the eyes of a 50-something woman with a tired old marriage with a husband she's bored of, but the eyes of a young woman who just discovered joy, who just found her prince after kissing her fair share of frogs.
she said to me,
never give up. he'll be there before you even notice him. he's probably right under your nose. my prince was. we were best friends for years, and then one day he kissed me. we're still together, and i love him more every day. so don't give up. one day you'll just see him, you know?
you took my face in your hands and said,
don't be jealous. i ditched a bunch of plans for you. i'll be up to see you in like 3 days. don't be sad. i'll miss you too, but don't be jealous. i'd rather just stay in this house and never leave, and have you never leave either. i don't want you to go.