(no subject)
I know my happiness and excitement about getting into Amherst should trump all the negative feelings I may have... but it doesn't. I'm doing horrible this semester, and I am beyond terrified that once Amherst gets my grades from this semester they're going to say "Oops! We made a mistake- back to Lowell for you". Just completely terrified, petrified, and all those other scared/nervous options I can choose from the livejournal pull-down mood menu. And you'd think that would motivate me to be on top of things, see my teachers about my concerns, study harder... no. I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I have all this motivation to do so many things, but once I actually sit down to do them I can't. I planned on studying (and finishing) Brain Mind & Behavior tonight, and finishing the extra credit to bring to her by Wednesday to make sure I did it right so I wouldn't have to worry about it over break. Didn't do a single thing. I'm going to kick myself tomorrow night when I get home from work at 9 and am just too tired to do it all.
Speaking of work... getting a job was the dumbest decision I ever made. I should've stayed at Target until I knew what I was doing for the Spring semester, because if I was staying in Lowell, I would've been able to get a job for the whole Spring semester, and when I came back in the fall. I'm so dumb. I do love working at the 99, even though I say it's a pain. Well, it is a pain.. because I still don't know the menu, I'm still (semi) shy, and I fuck up A LOT. And now that I'm not training anymore, they expect me to be superwoman, just like Century Bank did. It's too much pressure. I definitley should have stayed at Target. I'm an idiot. Fuck dumbass's who got me so pissed off that I wasn't thinking clearly and just quit, on the spot. I hate Target employees. I wish I still was one.
Ps; I really like how that paragraph made no sense.
I think the main concern with my mood swings lately is my weight. I hate having that topic be more important than doing well to make sure my spot in Amherst still remains next semester. I've gained 10 pounds since being at school- which, I know, you can't really notice since I lost a significant amount of weight anyway, but I notice, and that drives me crazy. And don't even get me started on my hair... oh, too late. That is also driving me crazy. I haven't gotten it cut since August '06 when SuperCuts completely fucked it up. Now that it's long enough I want to cut it so that my hair is finally even, except I put off calling Belvedere today and by the time I did call they were closed (and I called 10 minutes after they were closed- my luck).
And the reason I'm writing this livejournal entry is because I don't want to study the 99 menu for tomorrow. My goal was to know it perfectly by tomorrow... I just realized I hate setting goals because when I don't accomplish them, I feel even shittier about myself. Good job, Catherine.
Speaking of work... getting a job was the dumbest decision I ever made. I should've stayed at Target until I knew what I was doing for the Spring semester, because if I was staying in Lowell, I would've been able to get a job for the whole Spring semester, and when I came back in the fall. I'm so dumb. I do love working at the 99, even though I say it's a pain. Well, it is a pain.. because I still don't know the menu, I'm still (semi) shy, and I fuck up A LOT. And now that I'm not training anymore, they expect me to be superwoman, just like Century Bank did. It's too much pressure. I definitley should have stayed at Target. I'm an idiot. Fuck dumbass's who got me so pissed off that I wasn't thinking clearly and just quit, on the spot. I hate Target employees. I wish I still was one.
Ps; I really like how that paragraph made no sense.
I think the main concern with my mood swings lately is my weight. I hate having that topic be more important than doing well to make sure my spot in Amherst still remains next semester. I've gained 10 pounds since being at school- which, I know, you can't really notice since I lost a significant amount of weight anyway, but I notice, and that drives me crazy. And don't even get me started on my hair... oh, too late. That is also driving me crazy. I haven't gotten it cut since August '06 when SuperCuts completely fucked it up. Now that it's long enough I want to cut it so that my hair is finally even, except I put off calling Belvedere today and by the time I did call they were closed (and I called 10 minutes after they were closed- my luck).
And the reason I'm writing this livejournal entry is because I don't want to study the 99 menu for tomorrow. My goal was to know it perfectly by tomorrow... I just realized I hate setting goals because when I don't accomplish them, I feel even shittier about myself. Good job, Catherine.