A rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.
Alright, folks, I've been reading your live journals, and everyone is drinking in excess. I'm not saying that I don't, I just don't get angsty or depressed when I drink, nor do I get angsty or depressed when I'm not drinking. I love to drink. I think it's fun. But the key word is "FUN." Not just drinking to forget or to become someone else or to have an excuse to act juvenile. When I drink, I act like an idiot, but I'm a happy idiot. I don't yell at people, I don't cry, etc. When I don't drink, yeah, sometimes I wish I had a beer to do homework with, but hey, that's life, and alcoholism on top of depression is bad. Bad bad bad. I tried that last year, and trust me, it only makes things worse and then everything in your life begins to spiral out of control like a rabid rougue tornado. So to all of you who suspect they drink too much and for the wrong reasons, take a step back and fix your shit in a sober fashion. It's much more constructive that way, and drinking will be fun again in moderation.
I saw the movie "Say Anything" last night. It had John Cusack in it. I think that everyone here knows that I hate kids and I would never consider having them (for my sake as well as the children's and the world's), but I think that John Cusack could convince me to have his children. Yes. Well, at least his character in that movie. I think he'd be a good dad and could even possibly inspire me to be a good mother. My favorite lines from the movie are "You make a really good rooster" and " 'You must chill! You MUST CHILL!!!' 'I love you, man...' " lol. It was one of those wonderful 80s romance movies that make you teary and warm and fuzzy inside. Also, there were some amazing scenes of the couple making out and having sex. Hot...
Today Becky's friend Chris is coming to visit me. I'm really excited. He and I have been talking on the phone quite a bit for the past couple of weeks, and I feel like we really click. There's a party tonight in Louisa's room so we're going to go to that. I'm a little scared though. I'm afraid there won't be any chemistry...I mean, our personalities click and everything, but what if he gets here and we don't work in person? I want it to work more than anything, I really do, but I have to question my motives for wanting it to work. Do I want it to because I want to feel better than Taylor? Because I want to be able to go home and tell him that I've found someone better? Because I know deep down that I don't feel complete without a guy in my life? Chris is an amazing guy. He's really smart (he went to Tulane), he's sweet, he's funny, he is a substitute teacher and he bartends at night, he seems to like me...I just don't know. I still feel like I'm never going to find that special someone who is the one for me. I want to have a sweet, good, stable, passionate relationship. But I'm afraid that it might be too much to ask for a relationship that is both stable and passionate. Taylor and I were certainly passionate, but never stable. I never depended on him, and when I tried he always let me down. I don't think I've ever had a stable relationship. But I think it's because it might be boring. I guess that I know it's "the One" when we find that happy medium in which we are both passionate for each other but I feel secure and like our relationship is strong like a redwood, never to be felled. But why can't I have it now? I guess it's not time. But what if I give up hope and when it comes along I miss it? What if I let it get away? I keep wanting to give up hope in the hope of maybe it'll come along when I least expect it, but I keep thinking to myself, every time I meet a guy, "Is he the one?" The only people I can think of who might be the one are Aaron and Will, two amazing guys that I met in the same summer, and who gave me the courage and confidence in myself to break up with my psycho boyfriend. Aaron and I knew each other before we even met. We had seen each other from a distance and finally met and talked and talked and talked...when he kissed me finally, I remember feeling my heart swell and my body shake because it felt so right. We've kept in touch over the years and this summer I'm supposed to visit him in California. God I hope I get to...And Will...we met at church camp and I spilled my heart to him; I told him things I had never told anyone and I felt safe with him. He said all the right things and made me feel like a goddess. He and I make a point to see each other at least once or twice a year. Especially since he's so close now at NYU it's easier. He never lets me get away with thinking that I'm less than I am. But he has a girlfriend. So how can I think that these two unattainable guys that have affected me so much in so many ways could be the one? I'm not sure that it's either of them, it's just that both of them have always been there for me and made me feel like I'm amazing.
But just now my best friend Alexandra Brianne Ingalls just told me that she has been accepted to a program in Spain on the "Costa Blanca" and so now I'm out of my I-feel-sorry-for-myself slump. I'm so happy for her!!! She's so smart and talented and has worked so hard for this. She is definitely one of the most deserving people that I know. Yay Alex!!!
Other than that, Becky fell through on taking me to get booze, so I feel kinda bad about trying to entertain without anything to drink...Oh well. Maybe I'll call her in a bit. See what's up.
Okay, so I'm through now. Bleh. I wish the weather wasn't rainy and miserable. I wonder where my roommate is...oh well. I'm out.
I saw the movie "Say Anything" last night. It had John Cusack in it. I think that everyone here knows that I hate kids and I would never consider having them (for my sake as well as the children's and the world's), but I think that John Cusack could convince me to have his children. Yes. Well, at least his character in that movie. I think he'd be a good dad and could even possibly inspire me to be a good mother. My favorite lines from the movie are "You make a really good rooster" and " 'You must chill! You MUST CHILL!!!' 'I love you, man...' " lol. It was one of those wonderful 80s romance movies that make you teary and warm and fuzzy inside. Also, there were some amazing scenes of the couple making out and having sex. Hot...
Today Becky's friend Chris is coming to visit me. I'm really excited. He and I have been talking on the phone quite a bit for the past couple of weeks, and I feel like we really click. There's a party tonight in Louisa's room so we're going to go to that. I'm a little scared though. I'm afraid there won't be any chemistry...I mean, our personalities click and everything, but what if he gets here and we don't work in person? I want it to work more than anything, I really do, but I have to question my motives for wanting it to work. Do I want it to because I want to feel better than Taylor? Because I want to be able to go home and tell him that I've found someone better? Because I know deep down that I don't feel complete without a guy in my life? Chris is an amazing guy. He's really smart (he went to Tulane), he's sweet, he's funny, he is a substitute teacher and he bartends at night, he seems to like me...I just don't know. I still feel like I'm never going to find that special someone who is the one for me. I want to have a sweet, good, stable, passionate relationship. But I'm afraid that it might be too much to ask for a relationship that is both stable and passionate. Taylor and I were certainly passionate, but never stable. I never depended on him, and when I tried he always let me down. I don't think I've ever had a stable relationship. But I think it's because it might be boring. I guess that I know it's "the One" when we find that happy medium in which we are both passionate for each other but I feel secure and like our relationship is strong like a redwood, never to be felled. But why can't I have it now? I guess it's not time. But what if I give up hope and when it comes along I miss it? What if I let it get away? I keep wanting to give up hope in the hope of maybe it'll come along when I least expect it, but I keep thinking to myself, every time I meet a guy, "Is he the one?" The only people I can think of who might be the one are Aaron and Will, two amazing guys that I met in the same summer, and who gave me the courage and confidence in myself to break up with my psycho boyfriend. Aaron and I knew each other before we even met. We had seen each other from a distance and finally met and talked and talked and talked...when he kissed me finally, I remember feeling my heart swell and my body shake because it felt so right. We've kept in touch over the years and this summer I'm supposed to visit him in California. God I hope I get to...And Will...we met at church camp and I spilled my heart to him; I told him things I had never told anyone and I felt safe with him. He said all the right things and made me feel like a goddess. He and I make a point to see each other at least once or twice a year. Especially since he's so close now at NYU it's easier. He never lets me get away with thinking that I'm less than I am. But he has a girlfriend. So how can I think that these two unattainable guys that have affected me so much in so many ways could be the one? I'm not sure that it's either of them, it's just that both of them have always been there for me and made me feel like I'm amazing.
But just now my best friend Alexandra Brianne Ingalls just told me that she has been accepted to a program in Spain on the "Costa Blanca" and so now I'm out of my I-feel-sorry-for-myself slump. I'm so happy for her!!! She's so smart and talented and has worked so hard for this. She is definitely one of the most deserving people that I know. Yay Alex!!!
Other than that, Becky fell through on taking me to get booze, so I feel kinda bad about trying to entertain without anything to drink...Oh well. Maybe I'll call her in a bit. See what's up.
Okay, so I'm through now. Bleh. I wish the weather wasn't rainy and miserable. I wonder where my roommate is...oh well. I'm out.