Maybe I have bitched about this before....
Ah...Chattanooga.
So my twin brother got married this weekend. Rehearsal and dinner friday night, pictures and wedding and reception on Saturday.
Lets bitch about weddings first:
I love weddings I really do. They make me happy, they make me cry, and they give me good cake. What's not to like? Lets start with the fact that as a gay man, there is one state where I can legally marry and one state where I, in a civil union, I can share some of the same benefits with my "spouse" as married heterosexuals share. Let's move on to the fact that at weddings, people attempt to set up other singles, love being in the air and all that. I'm just going to toss this out there...I may have been the only queer in that church on Saturday and to me that's a little scary. THe other thing that chokes me up about weddings is that I may never have one (legally or illegally).
Now lets bitch about my twin:
First, he never asked me to be in the wedding. Second, the only thing he did say to me at the wedding was not "thanks for doing this," but as I joined him for a groom/groomsmen picture he leered "we don't even look like twins." Third, even if I invited him...he would never attend or participate in my wedding ceremony (or commitment ceremony or whatever I can legally do). Fourth, i put more effort and time into getting ready, seating people, standing and watching him get married, and concern than he has or ever will put forth toward me. No matter how horrible a person/son/brother he has been and no matter how many of our family and friends know it, he still got the attention and if they knew I was gay, well lets just say no amount "goodsonnedness" could forgive that. Fifth, very few of the wedding party or those attending the wedding knew I even existed. Lets talk about how unwelcome and unwarranted I felt through this process, while getting my picture made with him (a most rare occassion in the last 22 years), many in the wedding party remarked quite loudly that we didnt even look a like and that he and Brandon should have been the twins. If I could have done things, that'd been fine with me. Actually I wouldn't wish that existance on Brandon WHAT-SO-EV-AH. A life without Larry, would have worked wonders for me I'm sure.
One more thing...Larry sent Brandon a text earlier this afternoon (while he was driving to Miami for his honeymoon cruise) thanking him for being in the wedding. Nothing yet to me. Anyway Brandon texted him back saying I wish you had TOLD me that yesterday at the wedding and by the way it would have been nice if you had asked me to be in the wedding. His reply, curtly as is his wont, I'm sorry you feel that way and if you think back I did ask you. THen he promptly called Mom. His calling of mom, a conversation I have not yet been made privy to makes me laugh. Because mom has heard me bitch all day today and yesterday about a)I was never asked, b)never thanked and c)was forced to put more effort into those two days than I could ever expect from my twin brother. I wonder what was said.
On the flip side though. I have really been able to tighten my relationship with Brandon and his fiance, Erin. I even told them that I would make the dress as my wedding present to the two of them. They aren't getting married until next fall, so I have time. That will be a wedding i will not mind being at. He has already said that he isnt asking Larry to be in it, not that he would if he could.
Also I was able to reconnect with a couple of old church friends and some family that I havent seen in a long time (like since was under four feet tall). My mother's paternal aunt, my great aunt Kathleen and her husband of 71 years came to the wedding. Healthy as can be and with no signs of detoriation that aren't normal. I have very fond memories of Aunt kathleen and her mother MeMomma. We used to go over and visit with them when I was a toddler. I remember this old white candy dish that had party mints in it. I also remember geting stung by a wasp or yellow jacket or something and then Kathleen saving my life (it was pretty traumatic at 3 or 4 or whatever it was). Kathleen and I gabbed like we had known each other forever. We hugged and she sat with her hand on my knee and told me stories about he she would remember me coming over for Halloween all dressed up and everything. I told her I do costumes and theatre now and how interesting it was to call up those specific memories. When she first saw me in the lobby of the church, she said "I would have never recognized you," then she continued to stare at me through the ceremony and afterwards said "you know, the more I look at you, the more I recognize that little child." Can we say little tears? It was so overwhelming and like no time had passed. We set a date to look through some pictures together, me and her and mother. I can't wait and I intend on doing it. I also want to force myself to become her penpal...though i am not sure if she can still write. Her and her husband won the award for the longest married couple (Stealing the award away from Jessica's grandparents, sorta makes me laugh).
I also got to see and talk with my uncle Jerry, mom's brother. He and his wife have two daughters. Elizabetth, the oldest, was born exactly two weeks to the day later than Larry and I. And the youngest, Kristina (or maybe its Kristine, that name throws me a lot), was born about three months after Brandon. Anyway my aunt is from the Permain Basin area and her brother helps run a foundation that gives money to arts, humanities, education. The Permian Basin just happens to be where the PERMIAN PLAYHOUSE in located. One of those three jobs I am holding out for.
THen there was Granny Carolyn and Uncle Howard (Dana you met Carolyn), Mamma Melba and BB (JB) and the Dagnans. All three couple were responsible for cleaning my bottom and changing my diapers. THen there was my late grandfather's sister-in-law Betty Posey who coincidentally is about 90 and lived directly across the street from me in my boyhood home.
All in all, aside from any sort of feigned devotion to my brother...the wedding experience wasn't awful.
So my twin brother got married this weekend. Rehearsal and dinner friday night, pictures and wedding and reception on Saturday.
Lets bitch about weddings first:
I love weddings I really do. They make me happy, they make me cry, and they give me good cake. What's not to like? Lets start with the fact that as a gay man, there is one state where I can legally marry and one state where I, in a civil union, I can share some of the same benefits with my "spouse" as married heterosexuals share. Let's move on to the fact that at weddings, people attempt to set up other singles, love being in the air and all that. I'm just going to toss this out there...I may have been the only queer in that church on Saturday and to me that's a little scary. THe other thing that chokes me up about weddings is that I may never have one (legally or illegally).
Now lets bitch about my twin:
First, he never asked me to be in the wedding. Second, the only thing he did say to me at the wedding was not "thanks for doing this," but as I joined him for a groom/groomsmen picture he leered "we don't even look like twins." Third, even if I invited him...he would never attend or participate in my wedding ceremony (or commitment ceremony or whatever I can legally do). Fourth, i put more effort and time into getting ready, seating people, standing and watching him get married, and concern than he has or ever will put forth toward me. No matter how horrible a person/son/brother he has been and no matter how many of our family and friends know it, he still got the attention and if they knew I was gay, well lets just say no amount "goodsonnedness" could forgive that. Fifth, very few of the wedding party or those attending the wedding knew I even existed. Lets talk about how unwelcome and unwarranted I felt through this process, while getting my picture made with him (a most rare occassion in the last 22 years), many in the wedding party remarked quite loudly that we didnt even look a like and that he and Brandon should have been the twins. If I could have done things, that'd been fine with me. Actually I wouldn't wish that existance on Brandon WHAT-SO-EV-AH. A life without Larry, would have worked wonders for me I'm sure.
One more thing...Larry sent Brandon a text earlier this afternoon (while he was driving to Miami for his honeymoon cruise) thanking him for being in the wedding. Nothing yet to me. Anyway Brandon texted him back saying I wish you had TOLD me that yesterday at the wedding and by the way it would have been nice if you had asked me to be in the wedding. His reply, curtly as is his wont, I'm sorry you feel that way and if you think back I did ask you. THen he promptly called Mom. His calling of mom, a conversation I have not yet been made privy to makes me laugh. Because mom has heard me bitch all day today and yesterday about a)I was never asked, b)never thanked and c)was forced to put more effort into those two days than I could ever expect from my twin brother. I wonder what was said.
On the flip side though. I have really been able to tighten my relationship with Brandon and his fiance, Erin. I even told them that I would make the dress as my wedding present to the two of them. They aren't getting married until next fall, so I have time. That will be a wedding i will not mind being at. He has already said that he isnt asking Larry to be in it, not that he would if he could.
Also I was able to reconnect with a couple of old church friends and some family that I havent seen in a long time (like since was under four feet tall). My mother's paternal aunt, my great aunt Kathleen and her husband of 71 years came to the wedding. Healthy as can be and with no signs of detoriation that aren't normal. I have very fond memories of Aunt kathleen and her mother MeMomma. We used to go over and visit with them when I was a toddler. I remember this old white candy dish that had party mints in it. I also remember geting stung by a wasp or yellow jacket or something and then Kathleen saving my life (it was pretty traumatic at 3 or 4 or whatever it was). Kathleen and I gabbed like we had known each other forever. We hugged and she sat with her hand on my knee and told me stories about he she would remember me coming over for Halloween all dressed up and everything. I told her I do costumes and theatre now and how interesting it was to call up those specific memories. When she first saw me in the lobby of the church, she said "I would have never recognized you," then she continued to stare at me through the ceremony and afterwards said "you know, the more I look at you, the more I recognize that little child." Can we say little tears? It was so overwhelming and like no time had passed. We set a date to look through some pictures together, me and her and mother. I can't wait and I intend on doing it. I also want to force myself to become her penpal...though i am not sure if she can still write. Her and her husband won the award for the longest married couple (Stealing the award away from Jessica's grandparents, sorta makes me laugh).
I also got to see and talk with my uncle Jerry, mom's brother. He and his wife have two daughters. Elizabetth, the oldest, was born exactly two weeks to the day later than Larry and I. And the youngest, Kristina (or maybe its Kristine, that name throws me a lot), was born about three months after Brandon. Anyway my aunt is from the Permain Basin area and her brother helps run a foundation that gives money to arts, humanities, education. The Permian Basin just happens to be where the PERMIAN PLAYHOUSE in located. One of those three jobs I am holding out for.
THen there was Granny Carolyn and Uncle Howard (Dana you met Carolyn), Mamma Melba and BB (JB) and the Dagnans. All three couple were responsible for cleaning my bottom and changing my diapers. THen there was my late grandfather's sister-in-law Betty Posey who coincidentally is about 90 and lived directly across the street from me in my boyhood home.
All in all, aside from any sort of feigned devotion to my brother...the wedding experience wasn't awful.