Exes (part one?)
So I saw one of my exes today. She was hanging out at one of those pov student bars that for some reason I was hanging out at. What a day to have left Adeline at home.
Of course I muscled through the hot crowd to the bar ignoring her and of course she followed me and said hello how are you doing i haven't seen you in aaaaages and what have you been doing haven't you heard from blah blah blah and how come i haven't heard from you.
"That's because I have a new girlfriend who doesn't hang out in lame bars and wear crappy clothes and call ten times a day when we're going out and ACTUALLY PUTS OUT." I said staring straight ahead of me.
"Oh."
Then I reconsidered my point of view through the multitudes of glass bottles. Was it really fair on the poor girl to destroy her truly and utterly? What would she do if I continued along this path? Honestly, if anything the worst thing that could happen would be that I'd have hundreds of her vapid sycophantic friends calling me to tell me how I'd caused her pathetic suicide.
"Look, I'm sorry, I've had a terrible day, and I was thinking about my other ex, remember that girl, that girl, what's her name, you know before you?"
"Sarah?"
"Yeah. No. Rhea."
"Oh yeah."
"Who're you here with?"
"Oh you know the usual SteveandLarsandPaulandTrishandLisaand..."
"OK. Look I'll order another you another beer if you just stop talking. [pause] And sit with me instead."
"Right." I had the idiocy to look at her face and see her twisted embarrassed hurt smile the way it always was and then I grinned reflexively then swallowed it and looked away.
Stupid bitch.
We took our beers and sat down in the corner. So what have you been up to. Still making essays constructed almost like origami cranes only to have them screwed up and thrown into a bin by some lecturer. Still living with potheads. Still complaining because they don't "get" you. Grow up.
Her hand almost brushed mine and I found myself staring at her tight stomach under the breasts swelling under her grey cotton singlet my heart pounding pounding pounding. I looked away. Her shoulder brushing against mine. I thought about her running her fingers down into my groin, leaning into me, kissing me, biting my shoulder, biting my neck, biting, biting my ears, tearing my ears off, consuming my face, chewing it, swallowing it. And me helpless against the couch while she consumed me and I lay helpless until some instinct in me knifed her, penetrated her and we both chorused to orgasm.
My face twisted into a grimace, settled.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You look worried, what's wrong" she smoothed my frown out with her thumb gently the way she used to and smiled. My heart jumped again. She smiled at me again, patronisingly. Patted my shoulder, said it'd be ok whatever it was was probably nothing and I shouldn't worry so much why did I always worry I was so supportive and so good and so clever and so insightful and such a good girl. I wanted to scream.
YOU SOLD ME OUT. YOU SOLD ME OUT. YOU SOLD ME OUT FIRST. YOU SOLD ME OUT FIRST YOU BITCH YOU BETRAYED ME AND YOU SOLD ME OUT.
"So still working with Rick and Vera?" I said, my face finally smoothing over, with that small hint of malice. And it hit.
"No, of course...of course not." Don't ever forget what happens when you try and cheat on me when you look at other people that way and pretend that I don't notice that I'm too stupid to notice.
"Why, what happened?"
"You know what happened. Christ, you KNOW what happened Thilini. Don't pretend that you and Gabriel knew nothing about me getting fired. Like you had no idea that that would happen that you had nothing to do with that fuck you know this was the worst idea here take your fucking money for that fucking beer."
"Hey sweets, what's the matter, can't deal with reality?"
"You haven't changed."
And she got up and left in a huff. I leaned back and laughed. A throaty, deep laugh. Almost velvety. I leaned back, and I drained my beer.
As I walked back the night was warmer than I remember this time of year. I took my jacket off, then my jumper. Stripped down to my singlet and jeans as the cars screamed mercilessly down the quiet street. Dark and menacing. When I got home three hours later the night was almost drawn in grey. The house sterile. I lay down in bed. It was quiet. Then I was quiet.
---
Adeline crept in a few minutes later. She had been out to put the rubbish out. I heard the key turn and almost started but I fell back into my diseased sleep. Her weight fell next to me in bed. I felt her breath on my neck, her hand on my bare back. She put her arms around me. I yawned. She held me tightly and I turned around, my face buried in her neck.
"Tell me a story Adeline"
And there was a story. There was a dog and a rabbit and they were friends. They had an adventure raiding the house where the People lived. They stole some meat and some carrots and the People were angry but the people couldn't find the dog and the rabbit but when they did then they forgave them anyway and they said it was ok, it was ok for the animals to eat and they brought out some water and some milk also and then they were friends too.
"Are you ok puppy?" she said, stroking my hair.
"I'm ok rabbit"
"It's ok puppydog" she kissed my forehead. "I had the worst day. I went to work and there was this customer, this creepy guy who used to come in and..."
"Not today bunnykins, not today."
"Ok."
Later I could feel the warm wet of her tears on my cheeks as I blinked them away. Still later, dozing I fancied that I heard
her cry.
Of course I muscled through the hot crowd to the bar ignoring her and of course she followed me and said hello how are you doing i haven't seen you in aaaaages and what have you been doing haven't you heard from blah blah blah and how come i haven't heard from you.
"That's because I have a new girlfriend who doesn't hang out in lame bars and wear crappy clothes and call ten times a day when we're going out and ACTUALLY PUTS OUT." I said staring straight ahead of me.
"Oh."
Then I reconsidered my point of view through the multitudes of glass bottles. Was it really fair on the poor girl to destroy her truly and utterly? What would she do if I continued along this path? Honestly, if anything the worst thing that could happen would be that I'd have hundreds of her vapid sycophantic friends calling me to tell me how I'd caused her pathetic suicide.
"Look, I'm sorry, I've had a terrible day, and I was thinking about my other ex, remember that girl, that girl, what's her name, you know before you?"
"Sarah?"
"Yeah. No. Rhea."
"Oh yeah."
"Who're you here with?"
"Oh you know the usual SteveandLarsandPaulandTrishandLisaand..."
"OK. Look I'll order another you another beer if you just stop talking. [pause] And sit with me instead."
"Right." I had the idiocy to look at her face and see her twisted embarrassed hurt smile the way it always was and then I grinned reflexively then swallowed it and looked away.
Stupid bitch.
We took our beers and sat down in the corner. So what have you been up to. Still making essays constructed almost like origami cranes only to have them screwed up and thrown into a bin by some lecturer. Still living with potheads. Still complaining because they don't "get" you. Grow up.
Her hand almost brushed mine and I found myself staring at her tight stomach under the breasts swelling under her grey cotton singlet my heart pounding pounding pounding. I looked away. Her shoulder brushing against mine. I thought about her running her fingers down into my groin, leaning into me, kissing me, biting my shoulder, biting my neck, biting, biting my ears, tearing my ears off, consuming my face, chewing it, swallowing it. And me helpless against the couch while she consumed me and I lay helpless until some instinct in me knifed her, penetrated her and we both chorused to orgasm.
My face twisted into a grimace, settled.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You look worried, what's wrong" she smoothed my frown out with her thumb gently the way she used to and smiled. My heart jumped again. She smiled at me again, patronisingly. Patted my shoulder, said it'd be ok whatever it was was probably nothing and I shouldn't worry so much why did I always worry I was so supportive and so good and so clever and so insightful and such a good girl. I wanted to scream.
YOU SOLD ME OUT. YOU SOLD ME OUT. YOU SOLD ME OUT FIRST. YOU SOLD ME OUT FIRST YOU BITCH YOU BETRAYED ME AND YOU SOLD ME OUT.
"So still working with Rick and Vera?" I said, my face finally smoothing over, with that small hint of malice. And it hit.
"No, of course...of course not." Don't ever forget what happens when you try and cheat on me when you look at other people that way and pretend that I don't notice that I'm too stupid to notice.
"Why, what happened?"
"You know what happened. Christ, you KNOW what happened Thilini. Don't pretend that you and Gabriel knew nothing about me getting fired. Like you had no idea that that would happen that you had nothing to do with that fuck you know this was the worst idea here take your fucking money for that fucking beer."
"Hey sweets, what's the matter, can't deal with reality?"
"You haven't changed."
And she got up and left in a huff. I leaned back and laughed. A throaty, deep laugh. Almost velvety. I leaned back, and I drained my beer.
As I walked back the night was warmer than I remember this time of year. I took my jacket off, then my jumper. Stripped down to my singlet and jeans as the cars screamed mercilessly down the quiet street. Dark and menacing. When I got home three hours later the night was almost drawn in grey. The house sterile. I lay down in bed. It was quiet. Then I was quiet.
---
Adeline crept in a few minutes later. She had been out to put the rubbish out. I heard the key turn and almost started but I fell back into my diseased sleep. Her weight fell next to me in bed. I felt her breath on my neck, her hand on my bare back. She put her arms around me. I yawned. She held me tightly and I turned around, my face buried in her neck.
"Tell me a story Adeline"
And there was a story. There was a dog and a rabbit and they were friends. They had an adventure raiding the house where the People lived. They stole some meat and some carrots and the People were angry but the people couldn't find the dog and the rabbit but when they did then they forgave them anyway and they said it was ok, it was ok for the animals to eat and they brought out some water and some milk also and then they were friends too.
"Are you ok puppy?" she said, stroking my hair.
"I'm ok rabbit"
"It's ok puppydog" she kissed my forehead. "I had the worst day. I went to work and there was this customer, this creepy guy who used to come in and..."
"Not today bunnykins, not today."
"Ok."
Later I could feel the warm wet of her tears on my cheeks as I blinked them away. Still later, dozing I fancied that I heard
her cry.