Anatomy of the Kind Mind
We've all seen them or met them. The altruist, the giver, the selfless contributor. We've all wondered what lies behind the open hands and smiling face, whether they live to server others or themselves, whether that gift was truly no-strings-attached, forget-it-it-was-nothing, I-just-like-to-give, or whether they were trying to get at us, to have a hook in us so that they can call that favor it, manipulate, guilt-trip, saying "Remember that time when I...".
Now what am I trying to get at here? I honestly don't know.
My nature, perhaps?
I know well I'm considered a nice guy by most people, more for my nature than for my acts of charity, sure, but a nice guy nonetheless (one word?). It warms me to know that people will trust me with something, allow me to be their confidant or counsel on occasion. It's nice to siphon off people's stress, to be able to help (although people who've spoken with me know I'm not quite the best advice giver). Usually if people ask nicely, I'll give. As Eek the Cat says before being crippled, "It never hurts to help."
Now why exactly do I do it?
As stated in one post or another, I often find myself questioning my own motives. Is my niceness all for the sake of niceness? The lack of up-front asshole in me bothers me. It feels...dishonest...as if I'm doing something not because I feel I should, but rather because of later obligation that the person may have towards me. Although I do reassure myself by letting myself know that I don't call in favors or dump on other people for the most part (save for my sister, but family is always a special situation). What problems I need solved, I usually try to solve myself.
But I digress, I find myself angry when that person refuses to help me look for something lost, to help me find a topic I've been searching for to no avail, my mind reminding me of that time I offered to help THEM out without even asking, or something or other. SOC switch...now, I'm not the type of person to stay angry, mostly because I can see both sides of the issue and, even if I can't, I'm aware of the fact that people may have a good reason for what they do (regardless of if they actually do or not...I don't inquire into the personal business of others very often...don't ask, don't tell). My periods of anger are very short...perhaps lasting a few hours at the longest...it's frustrating (and amusing at the same time from an objective point of view). But back to whatever point I had. Ah, yes...I'm a don't ask, don't tell (or help) type of person, so I can never really stay angry. However, I do have that brief period where I keep reminding myself of what I helped them with.
Hmmm...you'll have to forgive me, I write as I think, and my thinking is...disjointed to say the least....constant arguing up here -taps head- very annoying.
Let us think for a moment. Now, in the stricter sects of certain religions (Christian is the one that immediately comes to mind) thinking of the deed is as good as doing the deed itself. So now the question is, is the fact that I feel that I'm owed something in the brief bouts of anger that I have from the person I'm currently angered by because of a favor done for them in the past mean that I honestly don't like being nice just for the sake of being nice? That the warm fuzzies I get from a "Thank you" are just, you know, a temporary high? Instant gratification, but there's more later on? Am I mildly self-righteous and falsely altruistic?
I honestly don't know.
This post has confused me more than the ending of 1984...and it's just as half-assed as my theory that Room 101 and the Ministry of Love was actually the Doublethink headquarters for the Brotherhood (which existed, but didn't exist).
Ah, well. It's nice to type sometimes...it's soothing.
Thank you and good night.
Now what am I trying to get at here? I honestly don't know.
My nature, perhaps?
I know well I'm considered a nice guy by most people, more for my nature than for my acts of charity, sure, but a nice guy nonetheless (one word?). It warms me to know that people will trust me with something, allow me to be their confidant or counsel on occasion. It's nice to siphon off people's stress, to be able to help (although people who've spoken with me know I'm not quite the best advice giver). Usually if people ask nicely, I'll give. As Eek the Cat says before being crippled, "It never hurts to help."
Now why exactly do I do it?
As stated in one post or another, I often find myself questioning my own motives. Is my niceness all for the sake of niceness? The lack of up-front asshole in me bothers me. It feels...dishonest...as if I'm doing something not because I feel I should, but rather because of later obligation that the person may have towards me. Although I do reassure myself by letting myself know that I don't call in favors or dump on other people for the most part (save for my sister, but family is always a special situation). What problems I need solved, I usually try to solve myself.
But I digress, I find myself angry when that person refuses to help me look for something lost, to help me find a topic I've been searching for to no avail, my mind reminding me of that time I offered to help THEM out without even asking, or something or other. SOC switch...now, I'm not the type of person to stay angry, mostly because I can see both sides of the issue and, even if I can't, I'm aware of the fact that people may have a good reason for what they do (regardless of if they actually do or not...I don't inquire into the personal business of others very often...don't ask, don't tell). My periods of anger are very short...perhaps lasting a few hours at the longest...it's frustrating (and amusing at the same time from an objective point of view). But back to whatever point I had. Ah, yes...I'm a don't ask, don't tell (or help) type of person, so I can never really stay angry. However, I do have that brief period where I keep reminding myself of what I helped them with.
Hmmm...you'll have to forgive me, I write as I think, and my thinking is...disjointed to say the least....constant arguing up here -taps head- very annoying.
Let us think for a moment. Now, in the stricter sects of certain religions (Christian is the one that immediately comes to mind) thinking of the deed is as good as doing the deed itself. So now the question is, is the fact that I feel that I'm owed something in the brief bouts of anger that I have from the person I'm currently angered by because of a favor done for them in the past mean that I honestly don't like being nice just for the sake of being nice? That the warm fuzzies I get from a "Thank you" are just, you know, a temporary high? Instant gratification, but there's more later on? Am I mildly self-righteous and falsely altruistic?
I honestly don't know.
This post has confused me more than the ending of 1984...and it's just as half-assed as my theory that Room 101 and the Ministry of Love was actually the Doublethink headquarters for the Brotherhood (which existed, but didn't exist).
Ah, well. It's nice to type sometimes...it's soothing.
Thank you and good night.