I can't pay attention!
I wish I knew what the problem was. I know there are a lot of people (especially younger people) who complain of having short attention spans. To be honest it's never really affected my work, except perhaps in highschool where I did kind of poorly, but it does make things more difficult for me. When I had to see a psychologist last year to obtain my letter for chest surgery I was told that because of the results of the tests he had given me, if I were to continue seeing him he would most likely have worked with me for attention deficit issues. I was told that I scored very well on the IQ test -- 132. I was surprised when he told me that because I was very, very sleepy when I was being tested and didn't realize that I was being given an IQ test at all! He seemed more concerned, during our talk, about me staying in academics than he did about my surgery. "You can do pretty much whatever you want," he said. Though he did suggest spending some more time learning math. :]
Anyway, apparently I scored very low though on the tests that gauge attention span, though I don't know which tests were which. I remember being told to recite numbers back at the proctor. 3, 7, 72... After the numbers went beyond 6 in a row or so I just couldn't remember them anymore. I wonder if I would have scored better if I had gotten more rest.
Although I mention all of this because I notice how it affects me more and more. It's always been this way, but I suppose that the more work I have the worse the repercussions are. I retain almost everything I hear or read if I just pay attention... but that's the difficult part! Once in a while I feel very focused, but those time periods are also generally time periods where I am extremely anxious or I otherwise feel sort of... jittery? I don't know how else to explain it. Slightly crazy, but not necessarily in a concerning way. Sometimes I feel very motivated and I sit down and read a chapter out of my biology book and retain almost everything I read, even down to where the words were placed on the page. I go into class the next day for a quiz and suddenly the quizzes that seemed so difficult are embarrassingly easy, and that's just because I was able to do the reading.
Most of the time though I sit and stare at the page and it's like I'm doing anything but that. The words are there and I'm saying them in my head but they are not being translated into information. I forget everything the instant I stop reading it. I'm thinking of a thousand other things -- other things I'd like to do, other things I have done that day, yesterday, last week.
But anyway, this is frustrating because I know I can do well but I can't make myself get into the frame of mind where I DO well. It's a really distinct difference, too. And I try and try and sit in front of books for hours but if I'm not in that frame of mind nothing comes to me, either while studying or on the day of a test. My scores are not at all correlated with how many hours I spend studying, consequently. Actually, if anything they may be inversely correlated, because it's an indication that I've comprehended everything better if I've spent less time going over it.
I've tried to compensate for it by sort of listening to how I feel at the moment. Sometimes it's hard, because I will know, for instance, that I SHOULD be studying for biology but I will instead INTENSELY feel like doing my reading for my literature class or something. So I do the reading instead, because I know I'll get that done and remember everything well. It's a more logical use of my time, but I feel really guilty for it.
And then sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night and feel almost insane with the desire to study something and instantly I'll no longer be tired. Or I'll lay in bed after a long day, having gotten little sleep the night before, but still be unable to fall asleep because I really *really* want to read my biology textbook or something.
And right now, I should be studying math, but I did my reading for a class that isn't due for *weeks*! I finished the entire book! Math is tomorrow! I really want to study biology, now, too, but I know I shouldn't because that isn't nearly as imminent! I wonder if I'll ever get this straightened out. :(
Anyway, apparently I scored very low though on the tests that gauge attention span, though I don't know which tests were which. I remember being told to recite numbers back at the proctor. 3, 7, 72... After the numbers went beyond 6 in a row or so I just couldn't remember them anymore. I wonder if I would have scored better if I had gotten more rest.
Although I mention all of this because I notice how it affects me more and more. It's always been this way, but I suppose that the more work I have the worse the repercussions are. I retain almost everything I hear or read if I just pay attention... but that's the difficult part! Once in a while I feel very focused, but those time periods are also generally time periods where I am extremely anxious or I otherwise feel sort of... jittery? I don't know how else to explain it. Slightly crazy, but not necessarily in a concerning way. Sometimes I feel very motivated and I sit down and read a chapter out of my biology book and retain almost everything I read, even down to where the words were placed on the page. I go into class the next day for a quiz and suddenly the quizzes that seemed so difficult are embarrassingly easy, and that's just because I was able to do the reading.
Most of the time though I sit and stare at the page and it's like I'm doing anything but that. The words are there and I'm saying them in my head but they are not being translated into information. I forget everything the instant I stop reading it. I'm thinking of a thousand other things -- other things I'd like to do, other things I have done that day, yesterday, last week.
But anyway, this is frustrating because I know I can do well but I can't make myself get into the frame of mind where I DO well. It's a really distinct difference, too. And I try and try and sit in front of books for hours but if I'm not in that frame of mind nothing comes to me, either while studying or on the day of a test. My scores are not at all correlated with how many hours I spend studying, consequently. Actually, if anything they may be inversely correlated, because it's an indication that I've comprehended everything better if I've spent less time going over it.
I've tried to compensate for it by sort of listening to how I feel at the moment. Sometimes it's hard, because I will know, for instance, that I SHOULD be studying for biology but I will instead INTENSELY feel like doing my reading for my literature class or something. So I do the reading instead, because I know I'll get that done and remember everything well. It's a more logical use of my time, but I feel really guilty for it.
And then sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night and feel almost insane with the desire to study something and instantly I'll no longer be tired. Or I'll lay in bed after a long day, having gotten little sleep the night before, but still be unable to fall asleep because I really *really* want to read my biology textbook or something.
And right now, I should be studying math, but I did my reading for a class that isn't due for *weeks*! I finished the entire book! Math is tomorrow! I really want to study biology, now, too, but I know I shouldn't because that isn't nearly as imminent! I wonder if I'll ever get this straightened out. :(