With a last name like Palin, it has to be good. Or, you know...NOT AT ALL.
I only wish this nomination was part of an uncomfortably funny Monty Python sketch. No such luck.
A narrowed-down, crazy-fueled list of 5 reasons why Sarah Palin makes me want to commit Seppuku:
1. She hates the planet.
Alright, well...Maybe "hate" isn't the correct term. Maybe it is. Maybe she's just ignorant and short-sighted, but that's certainly bad enough for me. Let's review, shall we?
Not just that, but she's part of a group called Feminists for Life. I'd write more, but my right eye won't stop twitching, I'm feeling a really strange tightness in my chest, and I can't catch my breath...I...I...*flatlines*
3. She's against gay marriage.
So against it, in fact, that under her leadership, Alaska has the distinction of passting one of the first constitutional bans on gay marriage. Ever a sweetheart, she later only capitulated to same-sex benefits under extreme duress.
4. She's dizzyingly inexperienced.
If Gramps is elected... Wait, excuse me for just a moment...
*throws salt over shoulder* *spits thrice* *spins around fives times* *utters an incantation in Vulgar Latin* *ingests a Vodoun potion*
'K, sorry! So, if this sure sign of The Quickening comes to pass, do we really want to gamble on old Methuselah remaining lucid enough to retain the presidency? If he winds up at the Shady Pines nursing home before his term is up, do we really want this neophyte bumping shoulders with the worlds' leaders and luminaries? She'll probably order us all to invade New Brunswick on elephant-back or tear-ass in Mad Max style modified Hummers.
5. That fucking hair. Are you kidding me? Seriously?
Shallow? Maybe. Important? Oh, you betcha. That rat's nest has been engineered to convert her life-force to pure evil like some kind of follicular nuclear reactor.
Sorry for the judgmental raving. Wait, no -- I'm really not. It's my favorite coping skill. :/
A narrowed-down, crazy-fueled list of 5 reasons why Sarah Palin makes me want to commit Seppuku:
1. She hates the planet.
Alright, well...Maybe "hate" isn't the correct term. Maybe it is. Maybe she's just ignorant and short-sighted, but that's certainly bad enough for me. Let's review, shall we?
- She's literally and figuratively in bed with Big Oil. This hag objected to polar bears being listed on the endangered species list because it could interfere with oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
- She's also a big fan of offering bounties to "sportsmen" to entice them to kill wolves.
- Oh, and she also doesn't believe the findings of scads and scads of environmentalists and scientists who have been telling us for years that the polar ice caps are melting. What? Do you think Jesus is creating an open-air sauna or something?
Not just that, but she's part of a group called Feminists for Life. I'd write more, but my right eye won't stop twitching, I'm feeling a really strange tightness in my chest, and I can't catch my breath...I...I...*flatlines*
3. She's against gay marriage.
So against it, in fact, that under her leadership, Alaska has the distinction of passting one of the first constitutional bans on gay marriage. Ever a sweetheart, she later only capitulated to same-sex benefits under extreme duress.
4. She's dizzyingly inexperienced.
If Gramps is elected... Wait, excuse me for just a moment...
*throws salt over shoulder* *spits thrice* *spins around fives times* *utters an incantation in Vulgar Latin* *ingests a Vodoun potion*
'K, sorry! So, if this sure sign of The Quickening comes to pass, do we really want to gamble on old Methuselah remaining lucid enough to retain the presidency? If he winds up at the Shady Pines nursing home before his term is up, do we really want this neophyte bumping shoulders with the worlds' leaders and luminaries? She'll probably order us all to invade New Brunswick on elephant-back or tear-ass in Mad Max style modified Hummers.
5. That fucking hair. Are you kidding me? Seriously?
Shallow? Maybe. Important? Oh, you betcha. That rat's nest has been engineered to convert her life-force to pure evil like some kind of follicular nuclear reactor.
Sorry for the judgmental raving. Wait, no -- I'm really not. It's my favorite coping skill. :/