Writing drama: attack of the recalcitrant brain
Hey, guys. This is just a little something I typed up to express my feelings about the writing process. I love writing, but no one really tells you in the beginning how insane it will eventually make you feel. Or that that is entirely normal. (Fiction or nonfiction, or any creative endeavor, it all equally applies!)
So! A dialogue between myself and my recalcitrant brain in the process of writing. I hope you enjoy.
IN THE BEGINNING
Brain: Let’s write a story!
Me: Okay! (type type type)
Brain: I have no idea what I’m doing.
Me: Learning new things is fun. (type type type)
Brain: Look what I did.
Me: Wow. We did this? This is scary yet awesome!
Brain: I love scary yet awesome pastimes!
Me: Yeah!
ONE YEAR LATER
Me: (type type type)
Brain: *cough*
Me: What?
Brain: I don’t know if you noticed, but what you just wrote right there...not so good.
Me: Yeah, maybe, but whatever. Gotta keep going. (type type type)
Brain: *cough*
Me: Keep going... (type type type)
Brain: A-HEM!
Me: Yeah?
Brain: I’m sorry, but that part that sucks is really bothering me.
Me: Which part?
Brain: ALL of it.
Me: I didn’t think it was so bad...
Brain: Well, it IS. I mean, LOOK at it.
Me: Oh. (looks) Well...
Brain: I can’t believe it’s that awful. What is going on here? You call yourself a writer?
Me: It’s just a first draft!
Brain: So?!
Me: So it’s just a first draft. So I’m still working on it. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Brain: You’re only saying that because you suck.
Me: HEY!
Brain: Every sentence needs to be perfect, do you hear? And every WORD. Every single time!
Me: Does not. And-that’s not even possible!
Brain: It is so. Or it would be, if you were good enough.
Me: That is NONSENSE. This is…a normal part of the writing process. You try lots of things, and later you revise. And not everything you try works, but you keep going. That’s how you end up with something you DO like in the end.
Brain: Pffft.
Me: You don’t believe me? Dude, when we worked at a Writing Center it was our job to tell all this to other people. Remember?
Brain: Hmph. You’re being silly. Those rules don’t apply to me.
Me: They apply to EVERYONE. Any artist. Any writer. Anyone who creates ANYTHING. Ask anyone!
Brain: But I am special, and in a situation UNIQUE TO ME. I don’t care what applies to everyone else. I should be able to be perfect every single time. Or else I’m a FAILURE.
Me: *eyeroll* Shut up and let me type.
LATER
Me: (type type type)
Brain: Bleh. This isn’t going so well.
Me: (type type type)
Brain: I’m unhappy.
Me: (type type type)
Brain: We’re both sick of sucking at this. Maybe we should write something else.
Me: Sigh. Okay. (opens new document) Happy now?
Brain: GASP!
Me; What?!
Brain: Look at the date on that story! You should have been done with that a YEAR ago! I can’t believe you haven’t finished this yet!
Me: Yeah, it has been a long time…it’s been kinda crazy…
Brain: WE NEVER FINISH THINGS!
Me: Whoa, whoa. It’s not so bad. I finish some things.
Brain: WE WILL NEVER FINISH ANYTHING AGAIN!
Me: Hey, hold on, I can keep going-
Brain: NO! GIVE UP! PACK IT IN! IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER! WHY DID WE EVEN TRY?!
Me: You are a real fucking drama queen, do you know that?
Brain: *flounces* I’m just telling you the truth.
LATER
Me: Look, I went and talked to some other people. I showed them what I wrote. And they say what you’re telling me is crazy. And that everyone’s brain tries to tell them this.
Brain: No. That’s a lie. I don’t buy it.
Me: They say that everyone’s brain tries to tell them this, too.
Brain: They are IMBECILES! That is NOT TRUE!
Me: But they write too, and they’ve been through the same thing.
Brain: They just don’t understand! I’m…I’m tortured! I suck at writing! And there’s NO WAY OUT OF THIS FEELING! WE WILL ALWAYS SUCK! OUR LIFE IS OVER!
Me: I’m not going to listen to you anymore when you get like this.
Brain: Ha. I’d like to see you try.
Me: (tries)
Brain: Told you so.
Me: :/
Brain: Face it, you need me.
Me: I really wish I didn’t.
LATER
Brain: Wow, this is good!
Me: Right? It does seem okay now!
Brain: Yeah. Cool. This is actually working.
Me: This is fun! (posts)
Brain: ...Ugh.
Me: Whuh?
Brain: I just noticed it wasn’t good at all.
Me: D:
Brain: Yeah…look there. And there. That part too. Whoops!
Me: You notice this NOW?
Brain: D:
Me: But...but other people seem to like it...!
Brain: WELL, THEY’RE WRONG!
Me: *facepalm* Why do I write, again?
Brain: Because it’s fun!
Me: Oh yeah.
(long silence)
Brain: So…want to write tomorrow?
Me: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. (rereads) You know, it’s really not so bad.
Brain: Yeah. Maybe you’re right.
Me: That’s the spirit. Let’s get back to this tomorrow.
Brain: Yes. Then we can talk about how you really should be farther along with your Serious Work.
Me: *facepalm*
_____
Just putting that out there so y'all know: if this happens to you, you are not alone. ;)
So! A dialogue between myself and my recalcitrant brain in the process of writing. I hope you enjoy.
IN THE BEGINNING
Brain: Let’s write a story!
Me: Okay! (type type type)
Brain: I have no idea what I’m doing.
Me: Learning new things is fun. (type type type)
Brain: Look what I did.
Me: Wow. We did this? This is scary yet awesome!
Brain: I love scary yet awesome pastimes!
Me: Yeah!
ONE YEAR LATER
Me: (type type type)
Brain: *cough*
Me: What?
Brain: I don’t know if you noticed, but what you just wrote right there...not so good.
Me: Yeah, maybe, but whatever. Gotta keep going. (type type type)
Brain: *cough*
Me: Keep going... (type type type)
Brain: A-HEM!
Me: Yeah?
Brain: I’m sorry, but that part that sucks is really bothering me.
Me: Which part?
Brain: ALL of it.
Me: I didn’t think it was so bad...
Brain: Well, it IS. I mean, LOOK at it.
Me: Oh. (looks) Well...
Brain: I can’t believe it’s that awful. What is going on here? You call yourself a writer?
Me: It’s just a first draft!
Brain: So?!
Me: So it’s just a first draft. So I’m still working on it. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Brain: You’re only saying that because you suck.
Me: HEY!
Brain: Every sentence needs to be perfect, do you hear? And every WORD. Every single time!
Me: Does not. And-that’s not even possible!
Brain: It is so. Or it would be, if you were good enough.
Me: That is NONSENSE. This is…a normal part of the writing process. You try lots of things, and later you revise. And not everything you try works, but you keep going. That’s how you end up with something you DO like in the end.
Brain: Pffft.
Me: You don’t believe me? Dude, when we worked at a Writing Center it was our job to tell all this to other people. Remember?
Brain: Hmph. You’re being silly. Those rules don’t apply to me.
Me: They apply to EVERYONE. Any artist. Any writer. Anyone who creates ANYTHING. Ask anyone!
Brain: But I am special, and in a situation UNIQUE TO ME. I don’t care what applies to everyone else. I should be able to be perfect every single time. Or else I’m a FAILURE.
Me: *eyeroll* Shut up and let me type.
LATER
Me: (type type type)
Brain: Bleh. This isn’t going so well.
Me: (type type type)
Brain: I’m unhappy.
Me: (type type type)
Brain: We’re both sick of sucking at this. Maybe we should write something else.
Me: Sigh. Okay. (opens new document) Happy now?
Brain: GASP!
Me; What?!
Brain: Look at the date on that story! You should have been done with that a YEAR ago! I can’t believe you haven’t finished this yet!
Me: Yeah, it has been a long time…it’s been kinda crazy…
Brain: WE NEVER FINISH THINGS!
Me: Whoa, whoa. It’s not so bad. I finish some things.
Brain: WE WILL NEVER FINISH ANYTHING AGAIN!
Me: Hey, hold on, I can keep going-
Brain: NO! GIVE UP! PACK IT IN! IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER! WHY DID WE EVEN TRY?!
Me: You are a real fucking drama queen, do you know that?
Brain: *flounces* I’m just telling you the truth.
LATER
Me: Look, I went and talked to some other people. I showed them what I wrote. And they say what you’re telling me is crazy. And that everyone’s brain tries to tell them this.
Brain: No. That’s a lie. I don’t buy it.
Me: They say that everyone’s brain tries to tell them this, too.
Brain: They are IMBECILES! That is NOT TRUE!
Me: But they write too, and they’ve been through the same thing.
Brain: They just don’t understand! I’m…I’m tortured! I suck at writing! And there’s NO WAY OUT OF THIS FEELING! WE WILL ALWAYS SUCK! OUR LIFE IS OVER!
Me: I’m not going to listen to you anymore when you get like this.
Brain: Ha. I’d like to see you try.
Me: (tries)
Brain: Told you so.
Me: :/
Brain: Face it, you need me.
Me: I really wish I didn’t.
LATER
Brain: Wow, this is good!
Me: Right? It does seem okay now!
Brain: Yeah. Cool. This is actually working.
Me: This is fun! (posts)
Brain: ...Ugh.
Me: Whuh?
Brain: I just noticed it wasn’t good at all.
Me: D:
Brain: Yeah…look there. And there. That part too. Whoops!
Me: You notice this NOW?
Brain: D:
Me: But...but other people seem to like it...!
Brain: WELL, THEY’RE WRONG!
Me: *facepalm* Why do I write, again?
Brain: Because it’s fun!
Me: Oh yeah.
(long silence)
Brain: So…want to write tomorrow?
Me: Yeah. Okay. Yeah. (rereads) You know, it’s really not so bad.
Brain: Yeah. Maybe you’re right.
Me: That’s the spirit. Let’s get back to this tomorrow.
Brain: Yes. Then we can talk about how you really should be farther along with your Serious Work.
Me: *facepalm*
_____
Just putting that out there so y'all know: if this happens to you, you are not alone. ;)