Blah.
I don't really have any thoughts to put here today. I really, for the first time, don't particullarly care. I'm a mess of things. A little bit of the past, a little bit of now, and a little bit of tomorrow. Somehow, when it all comes together, it doesn't feel good. I don't like it. I've had my questions answered, or at least to the best they could be by others, with perspective. And, I've been thinking, I'm a curious person, a really curious person, and me sitting here wanting to know the answer isn't helping me, I want that adventure, and I know I need it, but why am I so scared of it? I want answers, but I'm to scared to go get them. Wierd, I know. On the other hand here, I've started meditating, it helps me a lot more than what I ever expected. I am sleeping normally now, I go to bed at 9 to 10 pm now, and wake up around 5 am. A friend said he couldn't sleep when the sun was out, and I told him the sun wasn't out, and he said he wanted to watch it come out. To me it was silly, I've never seen the sunrise with a fresh start, I have have stayed up all night long before and seen it rise, but that holds no meaning. For the first time I feel like I see things on a different scale, more brighter, maybe not clear, but they are more hopeful. I'd have to say that I am unbalanced. Some days I am higher than high, and others I drop down so low, I sometimes think I will never get back up again. But somehow I always do. School starts soon. I can't wait, I guess. I'm so many somethings right now, that I can't explain it. I just want to drop my life from my past off of me, and just grasp todays, and tomorrows, yesterdays is just too heavy to bring with me. Some delays have popped up in our trip to NY, but I think I kind of embrace them, as much as I can't wait to be there with my nephew, and my friends, and the rest of my family, there is something else I don't want to face. Everytime I face it, I somehow lose myself. I'm sick of losing myself, ecspecially when I've become so strong and independent. Ok, now I have to go wash Josh's truck, because he is too lazy to do it, and if I don't do it, he said he'd cut all my hair off while I was asleep. So yeah, what better way to try to get some sun, before I come home. I've been in Fl for months, and I act like I'm allergic to the sun, haha.