today is just melancholy
so last night i ate alot and it made me very sad. i just feel miserable when i cant do the smallest thing. i have no self control. i wish i had self control. this morning i woke up late and its been a mess since then. im going to wash my hair at somepoint. i have to work this afternoon. ugh.
that whole section was so random.
i cut my foot open on a friends high heel that she had laying out. it hurts alot.
i finished my post secret post card. i hope to one day see it up. im going to mail it on monday.
so my whole goal in life right now is to lose weight and date someone. and i want him or her to be the right person. because my sister is going to call me to tell me her wedding is off. she doesnt know i know yet. it was supposed to be in three weeks. i hate it that she is unhappy. and he is unhappy. they would be happy but his family wont let them. hopefully his family will get their heads out of their asses and leave them alone to be happy.
i am so frustrated with life right now. i am at a bible college learning daily about the bible and i try to find ways to disprove it. what is my point in being here? i know what i believe and yet i am activily working against it. how messed up is that? i am messed up. ugh. i just want to be happy. but sometimes i feel that being happy is just futile. (im secretly afraid im going to wake up in hell. and it scares me to death. i envy people who dont believe. they dont have to be afraid)
but yeah. off i go today. try to stay focused on my diet plan. try to smile. and all that jazzzz....
that whole section was so random.
i cut my foot open on a friends high heel that she had laying out. it hurts alot.
i finished my post secret post card. i hope to one day see it up. im going to mail it on monday.
so my whole goal in life right now is to lose weight and date someone. and i want him or her to be the right person. because my sister is going to call me to tell me her wedding is off. she doesnt know i know yet. it was supposed to be in three weeks. i hate it that she is unhappy. and he is unhappy. they would be happy but his family wont let them. hopefully his family will get their heads out of their asses and leave them alone to be happy.
i am so frustrated with life right now. i am at a bible college learning daily about the bible and i try to find ways to disprove it. what is my point in being here? i know what i believe and yet i am activily working against it. how messed up is that? i am messed up. ugh. i just want to be happy. but sometimes i feel that being happy is just futile. (im secretly afraid im going to wake up in hell. and it scares me to death. i envy people who dont believe. they dont have to be afraid)
but yeah. off i go today. try to stay focused on my diet plan. try to smile. and all that jazzzz....