(no subject)
For sanity I try to visualize my PhD as a battle against a mob of tiny people forming acrobatic pyramids of annoying oversight.
Instead of writing, I have to collect and summarize things that back up what I'm saying, then write about the process of finding those things, then continually defend those processes, then log and defend the defence of those processes, then defend all the defences of the defences of those processes, while swatting off loan sharks, trying to stay debt free and barely holding together my visas and research permits, while the things that actually matter like clinical practice are handled by automated unfailable government classes which prioritize testing the history of their development over the bits that keep research subjects alive. As one example. And it's all just disingenuous box checking. For all the supposed "rigour" countless flawed ideas get through and make a mockery of the system. There are no jobs at the end of the tunnel. Just a tunnel which helps give your life artificial purpose by constricting the visible light to two small holes. Nobody ever reads anything anyone from the tunnel wrote. Nobody fails you for being retarded. It just falters and shambles forever forward.
I want to go back to work with the annoying, entitled nineteen year olds and save for retirement. Sometimes it feels like everyone who skipped university came out ahead. With my luck, by the time I'm finally finished this junk and proclaim myself "Doctor" our economy will be in the tank, Vancouver will be under water and even fast food jobs will be gone. I'll be too tired and frail from all the years indoors to fight my way through rats as the king of the dumpster fire.
Also, I'm fucking old. Why am I still in school. Dear God.
I miss all my old friends and have no idea how to get in contact. Feel free to reach out.
Instead of writing, I have to collect and summarize things that back up what I'm saying, then write about the process of finding those things, then continually defend those processes, then log and defend the defence of those processes, then defend all the defences of the defences of those processes, while swatting off loan sharks, trying to stay debt free and barely holding together my visas and research permits, while the things that actually matter like clinical practice are handled by automated unfailable government classes which prioritize testing the history of their development over the bits that keep research subjects alive. As one example. And it's all just disingenuous box checking. For all the supposed "rigour" countless flawed ideas get through and make a mockery of the system. There are no jobs at the end of the tunnel. Just a tunnel which helps give your life artificial purpose by constricting the visible light to two small holes. Nobody ever reads anything anyone from the tunnel wrote. Nobody fails you for being retarded. It just falters and shambles forever forward.
I want to go back to work with the annoying, entitled nineteen year olds and save for retirement. Sometimes it feels like everyone who skipped university came out ahead. With my luck, by the time I'm finally finished this junk and proclaim myself "Doctor" our economy will be in the tank, Vancouver will be under water and even fast food jobs will be gone. I'll be too tired and frail from all the years indoors to fight my way through rats as the king of the dumpster fire.
Also, I'm fucking old. Why am I still in school. Dear God.
I miss all my old friends and have no idea how to get in contact. Feel free to reach out.