I'll be just fine
It was around the same time last year that my life just came to a stand still. I have such a ridiculous problem with getting bored to easily when I should really just stick through it. I need to learn to turn things around and make them exciting and adventurous so that I don't get so bored. I mean really Jess, this world is so big and wonderful, why get so bored? Ugh, I don't even know what to think anymore. I wish I could just travel the world and have not a worry at all, like on ecstacy. You feel so light like you are just traveling through the air, bringing positive energy to everyone around you, positive energy, smiles, laughter, ahh it feels so good. I was so ready for this summer only to hear that I get kicked out of Sanderson for my absences, I should have known. I will make the best out of this situation though, it is truly beautiful that I have gotten this many chances in which I do not deserve. My body has grown so weak because of the weekend drinks that grew into an every day addiction, one that I am helping myself with, because I am not done with this world. " I will not run from this world. " Mark my words, they will be with me until my dying day, I will never give up on myself mentally, the only way you are taking me down kind sir/madam is to take me down physically. I have failed at a lot of things within my seventeen years of living on this earth, but I will not call myself a failure. I have sometimes quit in my seventeen years, but I will not call myself a quitter. Emotions run through everyone, I am tired of seeing people fail or quit, not because it wasn't their fault, but because they give up on themselves, they run from their emotions because that is all they know how to do, run away. I was one of those people but I refuserefuserefuse to keep on running. I am now understanding more than ever that emotions are beautiful, they keep the world going, if no one had emotions, everyone would be like robots and zombies. You should not be scared of your emotions, you should listen to what they are telling you, they are a part of you. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. We were created to be put to the test, go through different obstacles, face difficult circumstances. It is cliche to say but, everything that does happen does make you stronger. I am so happy with the person that I have become. Sure, I still drink and get a little crazy at times, I mess up every once in a while, I say things I don't mean to say, I do things I don't mean to do, but I am more aware of my surroundings, and more aware of the real and the fake. Which also reminds me, I am so fucking done with all of you fake people. It kills me to see pathological liars, manipulators, backstabbers, just straight out fake people get rewarded for what others think is real. I am not just going to open up my heart to anyone anymore, I am going to really have to take the time to get to know you. I am tired of getting stabbed in the back by people who I think are really there for me, if it came down to it, I would be there for every single one of my friends fighting until my death. Maybe I don't do such a good job of showing that because I always have a wall up, I am hard-headed, stubborn, and I definitely have a horrible attitude, I just will not get walked all over, and if I feel threatened by you, then I will not hesitate to let you know. I just wish people would not mistake my tough love as me being a bitch and not caring because that is not the case at all. BlahBLAHblah. this made me feel a whole lot better. i want to go draw something. or read? i don't know, i have all the time in the world now. 10-4.