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I don't even know where to begin anymore. I have lost everything that I have ever loved and cherished. I have taken everything and everyone for granted just to reach my own satisfaction. I have been living in denial and I feel so stupid, and like such a shitty person. I have turned my back on every one of my friends and treated them in ways i would NEVER want to be treated. I am so sorry and I wish one of you would punch me in the face, thats what I deserve. I have basically neglected my family, only coming home to get clothes or money. WHAT AN IDIOT$*#&(@. I have thrown away everything I have had going for me. My job, done. School, done(but i am going to wake tech.!) I feel so pathetic depending on other people, but I can't stand on my own. I need to learn to be more dependent on myself, and not everybody else. I used to be so strong, and now I just feel like I am falling a part. My relationship with Cody has been an emotional roller coaster but made me realize a lot about who I am and this is not me. I am not the bitch I have been lately, I am not the person to give up on what I believe, I am not a drunken crazy retard. I am going to fix myself, I need this, I want this. I have faith in myself!