(no subject)
today was probably one of the worst feeling days i've had in a while. i was completely depressed and stressed all day, just waiting to get out of prison, oh... i mean school, to see alfredo. i didn't see him until like six and when i did, things weren't the same as on saturday. after i told him that, he went out of his way to make me feel better and everything but i still felt like shit. my mom bought us dinner and then we went home and watched some tv. he had his cock in me when his lameass friend john calls, and alf tells him to come pick him up in a half an hour. after that i was in tears. i had a breakdown, i was so upset that he could just get up and leave when he was suppose to be spending time with me. he tried consoling me, telling me it was no big deal he was just going to see some friends before bedtime and that he'd probably make time to see me tomorrow night - he obviously didn't care too much or else he would have canceled. but anyways, i just felt so used and so stupid... and so sad. i went to a therapist today, against my will. that was time i could have spent with him, but no i had to tell somone that could give a shit less about me all my problems and watching her nod her head as i imagined dollar signs in her eyes. i don't know, therapy ain't my thing. but i probably do need it. i feel so bad about how i treated alfredo though, i mean... it's things like this that make him want to leave, that push him away. if i wasn't like this i bet he'd always go out of his way to be with me. but fuck it, i am starting to hate myself.